Why am I so ugly?

[dontlookinthemirror]

Not a pity party post - genuinely looking for ideas!

9m postpartum and feel so frumpy and ugly! Please help!

Background:

• When I was a teenager I thought I was average looking. Would wear a little makeup, straighten my hair etc. I knew I wasn't gorgeous but I was reasonably confident so it didn't bother me.


• Met dh early 20's, got married, focused on my career, makeup and straightened hair didn't matter to me anymore. My job requires practicality, so I went down the route of quick and neat. Other women at my workplace have practical clothes/makeup/hair but always look so elegant.


• If I talk about it to dh I get the standard 'You're beautiful' response. Never ever feels genuine, always prompted by me saying something. I don't think (since our wedding day of course) he has ever just come up to me and said 'You're beautiful/sexy/gorgeous' etc.


• Since having baby I feel so so ugly. My hair is all weird and greasy no matter how much I wash it, teeth are all jacked up because of sickness during pregnancy (I can't afford to get them fixed) have a mum tum which has been pointed out to me.


• I've started wearing really simple clothes because I just want to blend in and not bring attention to myself. I have no confidence left!


• My wage is really very very low and with the increase in the price of living I cannot afford hair cuts, new clothes etc.

I want to be feel confident. I want to feel beautiful! It may sound really shallow - and it probably is, but this is how I feel. What simple things can I do to help me be (or at least feel) more beautiful?

OK first of all, few people are genuinely ugly. Some are better looking than others, that's not the same thing.

But cheap things you can do if you need an appearance boost - hair, if its greasy, can you look at which shampoo and conditioner you are using? Are you using too much conditioner?

Drink more water. It honestly makes such a difference to the haggard look thing. Make sure you are eating a range of fruit and veg so you are getting enough vitamins.

Posture, if you are picking plain clothes so you don't stand out, is your body language all slumped? Posture and help so much.

If the "mum tum" is an issue, thats something you can easily work on. Losing weight might really help your confidence.

Do you own make up now? If so, find 5 minutes each day to put a little on.

If your budget doesn't stretch to new clothes, can you look at what you already have, if you lost the excess weight, are there other things that will become possible again? Do you wear jewellery? Sometimes just stopping to think about adding a bracelet or different earrings can make you feel better about your appearance and that confident feeling can make you look better.

Be kind to yourself.

I am sure you look young and lovely and your DH clearly loves you for yourself so take heart. Habit stacking might help you. Think of one thing to add to your routine and don't add another until the first is ingrained. Eg, decide to moisturise and wear foundation every day. When this feels natural start to do eye make-up.

Don't spend money until you have gone into your bedroom and scoured it for things to try. Look through all your cosmetics/jewellery/clothes and pick out bits that you might use next week. Have fun with it.

Following as I feel the same!

Feeling exactly the same today. Just got back from a family wedding where I thought I looked quite nice in a new dress and heels until I saw some of the pics people had taken where I look about seven months pregnant, my face which I thought looked nicely made up looked awful too. I've spent the day feeling thoroughly depressed.

This is really sad 😞 when you say no money do you literally mean none or do you have a small budget ie £10 a month?

I feel the same and am unfortunately, genuinely ugly.
Following this thread with interest

I think pregnancy and motherhood can really take its toll on your skin and body. I am 2.5 years post partum and only now am I starting to feel a little like myself pre baby. I'm 35.

Things that have helped:

• Taking a multivitamin and biotin. My hair was wrecked after baby. I suffered hair loss twice but since taking a high dose of biotin, it's much thicker.
• Changing my shampoo and conditioner. Only using shampoo on my scalp and conditioner on my ends. I wash my hair about 2-3 times a week and deep condition it every 1-2 weeks.
• I ended up getting fixed braces for a year to fix my bottom teeth. This wasn't a pregnancy issue, but my bottom teeth were overcrowded for years. I have a great smile now and feel loads more confident.
• Hair cut and highlights. Don't underestimate a good cut.
• I bought an electric skin cleanser from Aldi (£11.99), it's a dupe of Foreo that retails at about £139. Has really brightened up my skin.
• I also had a micro dermabrasion treatment for about 6 weeks. It really helped get my skin back to a good level.
• I also developed really bad hormonal spots, ditching my contraceptive pill helped with this one.
• Changed my skincare routine. I use a cleanser from Trinny London and their BFF cream which is slightly pigmented with SPF.
• Keeping up with using my face creams morning and night, plus and under eye cream.
• Using a foundation brush to apply my foundation. It looks so much more even.
• A bright lipstick!
• Drink lots of water. I struggle with this but I am noticing a difference when I do.

Firstly phone cameras make everyone look fugly! Do not judge yourself by a selfie.

Personally I am stumpy legged, thin haired, have a wonky nose from previous break, face full of melasma and if I had to rate myself out of 10 I'd give myself a 4 or 5 at best (I naturally fairly slim but sheer chance which fits more with current beauty trends). HOWEVER my partner thinks I'm gorgeous, my children think I'm beautiful and my friends and colleagues are very complimentary about my appearance. This isn't being said as a vanity trip but more to make you realise that how you perceive yourself and how others see you can be at extreme odds

So many imagines we are fed are doctored - do not believe that there are these beautiful Amazonian women just wandering around. They are used normal people who, granted might have a more fortunate gene pool to draw on than me, but they too are well aware of their flaws which is why they photoshop the crap out of their images. Also do not underestimate how many people in the public eye have had surgery or tweakments

I used to be neurotic about DP's ex. The imagines I'd seen on her on social media showed her to be stunning and I could help but feel I was not up to her 'level'. I subsequently saw unfiltered photos of her IRL and she looked absolutely nothing that. Comparison truly is the thief of joy

Be kind to yourself. Buy clothes wisely and be aware of what suits (A line skirts are truly not my friend). I have a wardrobe that I love but majority of it is purchased from Depop/ebay etc. making sure your clothes are ironed immediately makes you look like you're more 'put together'. Beauty can be cheap - I do my own nails, brows etc as I'm too tight to pay someone to do a job I can do myself.

Me too! So here for the advice. I'm currently a size 18 after being a size 12-14 most of my life. It's really impacting me. But also, I'm just so hungry all the time. I'm not breastfeeding, so it's not that!

Guess my one tip is - I don't leave the house without putting on a tinted moisturiser and mascara. My skin is so bad im the only person in the country who loved wearing a covid mask! Ha.

Do you know I never ever look at anyone and think you are ugly. Never. You absolutely won't be.

Easy things to give you a boost, do you cleanse and moisturise your face? Doesn't need to be anything pricey - just simple stuff is good. The Ordinary is a good brand if you want a face oil to feel a bit more fancy.

I do think many women default to leggings and a baggy top after a baby and I think even a supermodel struggles to look great in this - it's just not a flattering look. Do you like any of your clothes?

Do you make time to eat and drink enough or do you graze?

Focusing on wellness rather than attractiveness always helps me feel better

Watch this:

I don't believe you're ugly! I think you just need to take some time for yourself. I have no money either but I make sure I have pamper sessions every week, I buy a £1 face mask from home bargains, I have some exfoliation gloves, bubble bath and body lotion and I just take some time for myself and it makes me feel so much better. I always wear earrings and I try to put on a small amount of make up. Small things make such a difference to how I feel about myself. I have a really, really unglamorous job which can make me feel shit.
It too me until I was 40 to feel attractive.

There is absolutely nobody alive who wouldn't benefit from an hour walking a day and drinking a few litres of water. Start here OP and let us know how feel a month from now 😘

Fake tan, don't overdo it but makes you feel better.

I think clothes can really help with this. I know you're on a tight budget, I am too but I've discovered Vinted in the last year and I've had some absolute bargains. You can try selling your old stuff too. I feel so much better about myself if I feel good in the clothes I'm wearing.

I think when your children are young everyone looses themselves a bit. Which on one hand is a good thing as all your efforts are going into your young children, but there does come a time when you want to feel a bit more human again!

For me the things that make those most difference in my appearance are - mascara, foundation (hydraluminous, no7 is brilliant for making my skin look better without looking like I have makeup on), bit of eyeliner, lip gloss (vasaline Rosy lips), clean hair, quick 5 min straightening over straggly bits. I also have ombre/balayage highlight (up keep is easy as you have no roots) and sometimes fake tan.

Things don’t have to be expensive to make a difference - I normally buy elf cosmetics as they are cheap but so good and highlight my own hair which cost about £4 a time.

Now my children are teens I have much more time for me, and things that make a long term difference on how I feel and look are are weight training and eating well. My body looks better now than it did when I was in my 20’s and 30’s and wish I’d started years ago.

A 30 - 45 minute YouTube kettlebell session a few times a week would do wonders to your functional fitness and figure. Caroline Girvan is brill and free. Kettlebells are cheap and can sometime be found at Aldi and Argos do some cheap ones too.

Good luck!