I love clothes but don't think I suit any of them!

[RosesandMoonshine]

And I mean any of them, at all. And I am ashamed of this because I know there are far worse things to worry about, but I can't get my head around it.
Over the years I have swapped around different styles on and off, nothing too daring, just jeans and tops, or dresses, skirts and so on. But somewhere along the line I have really, really lost touch with it all.

I like casual clothes but feel uncomfortable in leggings or jeans (any style) because I feel self conscious in them. I am 5'5 slim, fairly proportioned but hate feeling anything tight around my middle or showing the shape of my bum (it's ok so god knows why).
Then, If I wear dresses, which are smoother and more flattering I don't quite feel like myself. I don't like many patterns and dresses usually have them, and I can't stand most of the materials either!

I also don't like modern trends or shops much or overly fashionable stuff.

If I wear a tight fitted top I feel uncomfy, If i wear a baggy top I feel drowned in it.
I can't seem to find any kind of clothes or style that I like, so most of the time I just pull something on and get on with it, something dull and easy that I don't love. But at present I have hardly any clothes at all as I did a purge during lockdown. I don't miss what I gave away either.

So as of now I have no tops, 3 cardi's, 3 dresses and a pair of leggings
I bought some girlfriend jeans from Joules and they were too big at the waist but size down was tight. So they went back. I just can't seem to find anything that I like anywhere at all, and don't even have a favourite shop. I have a pinterest folder but it is more whimsical and not like my lifestyle. I tend to like styles I wouldn't really wear myself or need.

All in all I would say I might have some odd sensory issue with stuff, I don't know. I honeslty think that if i felt comfortable in them I would wear slim fit jeans or good gym leggings and just not have a care in the world, but I always try it and give up as I hate the way my thighs and bum look from the rear. As far as I know I am not a weird shape, and DH goes nut for me in fitted jeans (typical!) but I feel so horribly self conscious.

Is there a way to beat this lifelong thing (I am mid forties) or have I just not found my style yet? Sorry for length.

I think maybe jersey dresses in plain colours might work for you? Comfortable, as tight or loose as you'd prefer, not too revealing if that would make you uncomfortable, as log or short as you want. You can wear them with leggings or tights or bare legs.
This kind of thing www.marksandspencer.com/jersey-v-neck-midi-shift-dress/p/clp60537619?color=BLACK Or this
www.marksandspencer.com/linen-blend-button-back-t-shirt-dress/p/clp22537136#intid=carousel_FUNH_AT_RECENT_END_FIND-PLP_18_2&gid=1&pid=2

Are you neurodiverse op? Your experiences absolutely sound sensory and familiar to me. I also love clothes and have managed to find my ‘uniform’ over time.

Thanks for the link! Sadly I don't like loose fit jersey either [there needs to be a sad clown emoticon]!

@IvorCutler I have no idea but it has crossed my mind due to a friend having a young child with a similar issue I once had with socks.
There's this sense that I just don't have the faintest idea what suits me or what I even like anymore, even though people say I look great whatever I wear. I must admit I am very all or nothing and hate having a variety of mixed up clothes. I need a sort of coherence to them.
I have lived in dresses for 2 years now and am starting to feel depressed about how i can never find any that i like. I dont even want MN to help me find any, I am just sick of them all!
I used to go hiking a lot before covid and LOVED those kinds of clothes but always felt too self conscious in the leggings.

So I hear you. I have some odd sensory stuff going down (not neuro diverse though)

I struggle with denim or leggings or tights even. I am quite fat and I find that makes it worse - I feel cramped. I am short too which makes me feel swamped. I have odd feet so really struggle with shoes including trainers. Oh and I seem to be losing my waist due to peri.

In my head I am some kind of funky pared down 'classic with a twist' type at work and a cross between Hush/Lucy&yak at all other times.

In reality I am a scruffy mess

@lugeforlife It's horrible not feeling comfortable isn't it? And it seems like everyone else just manages to do it naturally, too! I also feel this weird sense of being trapped by clothes, I am happiest in my pyjamas, but have to admit i look sloppy in those too, I am sure only websites manage to make nightwear look elegant.

I tend to go for a lot of viscose tbh as I can tolerate it. And cotton. No wool (not even cashmere). It's an absolute ball ache.

I promised myself that this would be the year that I let me self buy good quality pieces in materials I loved. Then I piled on weight which I am obviously going to lose so I'm loathe to.

However, i have found a brand I like fabric wise - Thought clothing. In John Lewis. All natural fibres, lots of relaxed clothes with the odd bit of smart. I'd say is not cutting edge in any way (it sits between Hush and Phase 8 in our JL for example) but maybe worth a look?

Will have a look, thank you, Im glad you've found a solution for yourself. I keep thinking Ive found mine but it always falls apart.

Would you consider a very plain relaxed fit pair of denim dungarees?

oh lord no, the dungaree thing would bother me, especially feeling trapped in them. I love the way they look though but it never works or me in real life.

This is my arse and thighs from the rear, luckily for the sake of this thread i kept hold of these awful jeans (rise too low) for over a decade just to remind myself never to wear skinnies again!

Does that wrinkling always happen, and to other people? it seems they will cling in such a weird way and make my legs look stumpy. Feel a bit sordid posting this but wth!

oh my god what a sight!

Erm…you have a perfect little snooker ball bottom. You look fantastic.

What's the outfit you feel most comfortable in OP? (If it's pjs what type are they?) Also could you show us any pics from your pinterest board as we may be able to find suggestions

Oh lord, 'snooker ball bottom!' not heard that before, at least this cheered me up, lol. Thank you
It's the undulating lines that are on back of thighs that bother me. I wonder if my legs are just like unformed jelly or if this is normal for fleshy areas.

As for my pj's, just regular cotton bottoms via white company (i size up) and a fat face tee for a top! To be honest I look like a saggy clown but I like how nothing pulls or feels tight. It isn't terribly flattering but there we go.

I have to say here that I look better naked than in tight jeans, my thighs don't have wrinkles when bare! Well, not yet anyway.

loose trousers or jeans don't suit me either, in fact skinnies look better. That's how bad stuff is.

M&Co straight leg joggers are really soft and nicely midway between tight and baggy.

What about leggings /skinnies with tunic dresses/tops?

And since you asked, yes everyone's bum/thighs do that line thing in tights clothing.

I think that's the jeans not you, it's looks like the cut.

I would book at JL session to find the prefect pair. You are slim and would look great in anything

It sounds like you are getting yourself into a negative mental loop you probably won't find clothes you like until you tackle that.

The back of the jeans look great and that wrinkling is perfectly normal, it looks like you have a great figure so could wear anything.

I'm fussy about the feel of clothing if I don't feel comfortable in it I don't buy it so I'm not saying override your senses more question yourself is this because it's itchy or is it something else.

I bought a pair of joggers from John Lewis that feel like pjs but look good, very soft material and the waist isn’t tight and doesn’t pull. I’ve got a long haul flight next month and need to be comfy and these are just the thing.

i know what you mean about not finding your style though, two years of working from home and losing weight (no idea how) means I’ve forgotten how to dress myself. My usual uniform is jeans and a suitable for work top but I’m going somewhere that I need to look semi smart - I’ve had the devils own job trying to work out what looks good on me now. Tbh I’ve taken the opportunity to try things I wouldn’t usually think of, some of it looks awful (so I didn’t buy) and some things I wouldn’t usually consider looks and feels good.

I also never look like the model or the folk styled on Pinterest etc, clothes just don’t seem to suit me very well but I’ve persevered more through need than desire and have now got suitable clothes for my trip. It’s been hard work though.

You look fabulous in your jeans . If I were you I'd book a session with a stylist. You could go to a personal shopper in JL or pick a local boutique. Even online styling tips . You just need to find a style that you feel comfortable in . I was a personal shopper for years and trust me nobody is a complete failure with clothes.

Those jeans fit you perfectly! The wrinkles need to be there. If you didn't have that excess fabric, you wouldn't be able to move. It's the trade off you make by reducing the stretchiness of the fabric. I make my own clothes and there's an entire internet wormhole about trouser fitting, the gist of which is - it's a compromise. There's no such thing as a fit that looks 'perfect' from every angle and doing every activity, even when you are making clothes to fit your exact measurements. Most pics you see on websites/magazines will have been photoshopped, remember that.

But if it bothers you, how about a wider legged trouser that kind of hangs more from the waist if you know what I mean?

You might also want to consider finding a good local dressmaker or tailor (dry cleaners sometimes have them) to alter clothes so they work better with your body. The big gappy waistband is often fixable.

Omg OP if I had your arse I’d walk into rooms backwards!
I know what you mean about not being comfortable in certain things though, and about dresses and patterns. I love a dress, but everything in the shops looks so froufrou and is polyester.
I think you just need some really well fitting jeans and maybe some nice cotton shirts/ blouses that aren’t tight but aren’t shapeless either. I have a thing about my boobs, in that I won’t wear t shirts or jersey tops ( unless under dungarees) so I wear a lot of shirts, but not officey ones.

Thank you for all your advice, I would love a day out trying on, used to like doing that before covid, but just haven't been motivated since. I will have to check if there's still a JL in my closest city.

Truth is I am extremely comfy in dresses but get quickly bored with them and don't always feel they're appropriate (long walks, etc) and feel I wear them more from a sense of safety and giving up. I have a seasalt tunic that I wore with tights through most of winter simply because it was 'easy' (nothing wrong with that i suppose), but the colour and patterns of seasalt do not suit me at all. It's like i fade into the shadows..

I like sweaty betty super sculpt leggings for outdoors and walks, but wont wear them as cant find a long cardi that would cover my arse whilst also looking good with the leggings, it's so tragic, i was like this as a teen so can't even feel ive aged, lol.

I can't seem to get along with loose jersey at all. I even avoid loose fit tees unless in bed. So joggers are out and hoodies, etc.

I love love love the whole wide linen trouser look in summer but never feel good wearing them. I do seem to suit slimmer cuts in general but thy'd have to be comfy. I ask too much I think!

What about the superscript bottoms, a long silky cami and a longline cardi?