Machine-washable baby-sick-proof sari?!

[Twopandemicpregnancies]

Been invited to a house party of neighbour with Indian heritage. Ladies are all wearing saris and neighbour has lent me gorgeous very expensive looking sari and accessories as I don’t have anything like that. But am now stressing about a) My toddler pulling on it / wiping snot on it; b) My exclusively breastfed baby (who cluster feeds a lot in the evenings) spitting up on it, resulting in a big dry cleaning bill and/or permanent damage to the sari. Baby is prone to spitting up even after keeping upright quite a while after a feed.

Plan is for my DP to stay for an hour with our toddler before taking her home to bed. I will stay for a few hours with 4 month old exclusively breastfed baby, either taking her home half way through evening to put her to bed (and then returning to party) or keeping her there for most of the evening snoozing on me depending on her sleep pattern/routine by then (she is nearly 12 weeks now so my plan was to start to slowly get her into a routine over the coming weeks). So none of us will be at the party very long and realistically I will spend much of my evening breastfeeding under a feeding apron - but it would be lovely to attend as I recently met this neighbour and we are both new to the area. (Neighbour has 1 year old but he wasn’t breastfed so she might not understand the extent of the spit up issue!)

Instead of borrowing the lovely expensive sari I am wondering if it would be better to buy a cheap machine washable sari that won’t be ruined by spit up, or a boisterous toddler, if this exists?! Don’t want to spend loads of money on something I will wear for a few hours (and then probably never again) but also want to fit in with neighbours’ theme / dress code as it seems important to her. I appreciate a cheap sari is going to not look as good as the fancy one she is lending me of course!

I also don’t mind being the odd one out in a western dress - but I am not sure host would be happy with this. Is there a compromise that might be acceptable such as western dress with Indian jewellery?!

Whatever I wear needs to be breastfeeding friendly (I understand I can buy a stretchy under top for easy boob access if I do go for a sari).

Would love advice on how to handle this style dilemma please (I don’t know neighbour well but know she spends lots of time on her appearance whereas I haven’t picked up an iron for 15 years!) without causing offence!

i am also recovering very slowly from my second c section and still look pregnant. Am seeing a physio and doing exercises to rebuild my core strength but will likely still have a big tummy by the time of the party - just to add another complication!

Warning saris are difficult to put on correctly, you won't be able to do it yourself. I wore one once and it came off before the end of the party, I ended up wearing the crop top and skirt that went under it.

I would explain your concerns to her, and see what she prefers. You can stress that you love the sari she has lent you but it's so lovely that you want to protect it.

Might shalwar kameez be an acceptable alternative? I'm not of Indian heritage, so apologies to anyone reading, if I've got this wrong but, these days, shalwar kameez seem to be worn everywhere in India whereas, when I first started going there, they were more of a northern thing. Shalwar kameez are easy to put on and wear, and perhaps more practical, in your situation?

I think you might need to have a conversation with her. Normally as someone if Indian heritage, I’d encourage you to get stuck in and wear traditional clothes. It’s fun and I think there is a danger of looking underdressed when all the Indian women are wearing their most flamboyant outfits. But on this occasion I can imagine how you’d possibly be comfortable in a sari. They aren’t easy to wear at the best of times, and while I’d just about manage running after a toddler in one, I can’t imagine how breastfeeding would work if you aren’t used to it.

Can’t imagine how you’d be comfortable

Thanks everyone - I will look at shalwar kameez and also tunics with Indian patterns so I can find something simpler to wear and wash! And lots of jewellery to dress it up!

Talk to her, she sounds lovely, I bet she'll lend you something machine washable instead. Or suggest an alternative that is more practical for you and still fits her dress code. Or she will reassure you that the beautiful sari isn't precious and won't be ruined by a bit of baby sick.

Don't just turn up in something else, as I think that risks offending her.

You can wear a sari with a tummy though, lots of older plumper Indian women wear them with longer tops and a bit more coverage. This is a great opportunity to become better friends with this lady, most Indian women I have met love showing their traditional dress off and getting western women dressed up in it.

I found a salwar kameez difficult to breast feed in because you have to pull the kameez right up to access the boobies. Even with a bf cover, bunching up loads of fabric just never worked for me. Too much naked also. Instead, wear a jersey top/t-shirt (tight) under the sari rather than the blouse. Being stretch jersey it is much easier to pull up and down. I found this the better alternative when I was bf.

If you burp baby on the side opposite where the sari goes hopefully you will get most of the puke that side, plus use a muslin. Sponge clean any spit up straight out. What is the sari made of? Quite a few are man-made fibres so sponge out surprisingly well. Silk is less forgiving. Cotton obviously washes fine.

As pp mentioned you need a petticoat to go under the sari too. It is tricky getting the sari on, can your neighbour send someone over to dress you? Lots of people can't do it themselves. Or YouTube a video, get it on, then get someone to fix you when you arrive. Probably someone will love helping you.

The stomach is not an issue in itself BUT to get the sari to stay on you have to tie the petticoat quite tight. If this is likely to be uncomfortable due to c section you need to find another solution as it is unavoidable.

I will talk to her and suggest either a tunic or washable sari and see what she says. Am not sure what fabric the sari is (I will attach pic) but it has a lot of sequins so am also concerned it will be scratchy on baby’s face and toddler will pick at it!

I have also attached a possible tunic I have at home already which is breastfeeding-friendly

Hard to tell what the sari is from the photo exactly, but it's not silk I don't think, so probably cotton or man-made (you can tell from the feel). But more likely man-made if you have sequins on it. So I expect spit up would rinse out quite easily under a tap because the fabric won't absorb it. You'll manage with the baby's face issue with the power of muslins.

The Tunic is more casual wear than party wear, but honestly, I think just you making the effort is enough - you can't be expected to understand all this from the outside. So if it's easier, just wear it. You have still made the effort and that should be acknowledged.

So in unhelpful conclusion, I think you will be OK in either. I think you might be overthinking this. Just pick one and roll with it. It's not like you are a central part of a wedding party. You've made an effort, you aren't going to cause offence. Just pick something and enjoy the food...

Thanks @MamaSharkington - all good points!