Feeling old and crumbly

[flippityflip]

I have hit a total low with looks (to date as it is likely only going to get worse). I am about to hit a significant birthday, in premature menopause and while i started hrt about 9 months ago i've still not found one which seems completely right. plus I know it isn't going to dramatically reverse anything.
However aside from all the horrendousness of the menopause but no doubt made worse by it I have started to look much older and just generally worse over the last two years. I am very wrinkly-deep set, makeup only makes it look worse wrinkles- all over forehead with pronounced frown lines, crows feet, smile lines, pretty much every facial wrinkle you can name. I also have delightful dark patches on my forehead and various forms of the hrt have made me have bad spots around jawline-this most recent one doesn't seem as bad for that. I put on weight over the last two years having maintained a fairly stable weight range for most of my adult life post children, (my eldest is in last year of primary.) and had to box up at least 3/4 if my wardrobe as it wouldnt fit, I cannot get back to that size im pretty active and eat pretty healthily. Aside from the wrinkles my hair is a disaster either super dry and frizzy or greasy looking, I have curly hair which varies from weird al yankovich to just limp and without style. i don't seem to suit any particular colour of style.
I want to feel better about myself but I hate the way I look, and just avoid mirrors at all costs.
I dread having to go out to anything because I feel so self conscious, not that I have any energy to do anything anyway.
I have a voucher for a personal shopper appointment but to be honest I feel like I have no idea who i am anymore and I don't want to do it at all.
Has anyone been through this and either found some solution or stopped being upset by it at least?

Oh my goodness I really do sympathise!!
I found my hair went to hell post menopause . I've just found a curly hairdresser and that has helped .
Other than that all I can say is good luck I'm sure people on here will come along with actual proper advice!
Bit you've nothing to lose with the personal dresser and may be pleasantly surprised

You are being very hard on yourself. Others won’t see you as you see yourself, they’ll see a lovely smile or a twinkle in your eye.

Does sound like you haven’t found the right HRT recipe. I’ve been on it a while, including testosterone, and found it’s a) helped my skin and my spots and b) given me more energy and motivation more generally. It’s awful thinking ‘is this really it?’ now. It helps with everything else if you can sort that out.

What is your current skincare and make up regime? Are you using a too heavy foundation that would potentially settle in lines? Less is more now. Is your skin hydrated enough? We can advise better with this info.

But I know what you mean, I catch glimpses of myself in car windows and wonder when I became my mother.

I feel like that too OP. I find that only leaving the house under the cover of darkness helps, but if I need to go out during the day, i put on a face mask, hat and a pair of sunglasses

I moisturise and use a vitamin c serum every morning, and use cerave cleanser alternated with a salycilic acid soap on days when my skin is bad, use a niacinamide and something toner and use a retinol at night along with a night cream. I'm pretty regular with it, I drink enough I think, not litres and litres of water but a good mix of green tea, normal tea and water and squash each day, I only have one coffee in the morning because I don't sleep well as it is so don't need anything else keeping me awake.
I just feel old and frumpy and fed up. My gp is useless with the hrt stuff and won't change any element of prescription without say so from consultant who I have been waiting the guts of a year for my second appointment to review my prescription, I only got it changed at all before then because of supply issues! GP will not prescribe testosterone in fact my surgery are not inclined to prescribe it at all for women apparently!

This is so me!! Face masks and sunglasses are the way forward!

Have you thought of using one of the prescription skincare services? I use Dermatica- they give me niacinamide, tretinoin and clindamycin in one which is great for spots and ageing.

If you wear make up, the Cerave cleanser may not be the best for getting that off, could look at a double cleanse with say a balm. I use Cerave in the morning only.

That sounds rubbish re your GP. I don’t suppose you can afford to go to a private specialist? I’ve done both, but felt under much more capable hands with the private clinic as you might imagine.

I had to go private initially to get the initial hrt prescription but the consultant i saw there gave me what I later found when I saw the nhs consultant was the standard prescription you would give someone 15 years older than me-perhaps she looked at me and thought the DOB was wrong! I did actually use dermatica but found it no better than what I was using before. I had hoped it would help with dark spots but they also seem there to stay

No advice OP but I feel the same. I always feel better when I visit the hairdresser so you could start there and have a pamper

I am younger than you but I also go through phases like this. I have got a lot better at coping with them though over the years. I can’t remember who said it/where I read it, but it’s really stuck with me - you don’t have to look a certain way. You just don’t have to. You don’t owe anything to anyone in terms of your appearance. If you don’t look your best today, it’s absolutely fine.

Generally speaking, from my experience, I would make sure to rest more, get at least 9 hours of sleep. Drink more water. Try and stress less. Maybe take a course of multivitamins.

It’s just a phase. One day you will catch yourself feeling good about how you look, ime.

Sleep is elusive because of the delights of the menopause, it was one of the frst things to go unfortunately. I wasn't anticipating being at this stage for another 10 years at least so I suppose that isn't helping with my general outlook, it's not the end of the world and I can still keep it in perspective in terms of life and world events but it does get me down.
I don't really feel pressure to look a certain way, and it's not that I was ever into fawning over myself in the mirror thinking I was gorgeous or anything but I just really dislike how I look now, I don't feel like myself at all and feel like I've aged 15 years in the last 2

Regarding Menopause, I attended a course and the links below were mentioned as very good.
www.balance-app.com
www.themenopausecharity.org
www.newsonhealth.co.uk

Are you sure that the spots are HRT-related? Lots of women develop rosacea around the time of the menopause. It can respond very well to Sandrena gel.

When someone is under a consultant, it is normal for a GP to follow the consultant's instructions, btw. It isn't a sign of a GP being useless; it's a sign that the GP recognises that the specialist has greater expertise in their specialist area than a GP.