12yo DD self conscious about exploding hair

[angelsandinsects]

DD has always had a mane of curls, the sort of hair people always comment on. She's now two terms into secondary school and is hating her hair, both the mass of it and the halo of frizz at the top/front which gets particularly bad when she's hot and sweaty and she does a lot of sport so that's pretty much all of the time.
My hair is completely different to hers so it's not something I've experienced. Any tips?
Until now, she's usually had it in plaits or occasionally a pony tail but it seems more of her friends are wearing their hair down and she wants to do the same. I think we'll get a couple of inches chopped off which will help with the length but not the sheer volume or the frizz.
At the moment, she uses sulphate free shampoo and then leave in conditioner.

I have the same hair as your daughter! I hated it for most of my teenage years, when straight was the fashion. Now in my late 30’s it has taken me years to get to grips with it. Partly because my mum didn’t understand it with her poker straight hair. It takes products and time. Get her to look up the Curly Girl technique online. She should never brush it whilst dry, try out lots of products and try to embrace it. It may take her some time to find the products that suit her, I use a combination of gel and mousse which prevents the frizz. She will get there with a bit of help and money from you. People will love her hair and comment on it, it may take her longer to do so. It took me so long as my mum refused to buy the products and they didn’t really exist as they do now. Lots of trial and error. Oh and curly hair ideas on Pinterest!

Are you anywhere near a curly salon? A cut by someone who understands curls will help.

As will the right products. There's so many out there to choose from nowadays.

If she's getting frizz, she might want a product that gives a 'cast' it effectively dries the curls hard and then you 'scrunch out the crunch'.

Products like the boots curl creme (cheap as chips) or trepadora papaya slip (££) will do this.

I'd research curly products and buy a load of them for her to try.

Exactly same experience as pp, I had Shirley temple type curls as a small hole but then due to mum and I not understanding how to properly care for curls (brushing, plaiting, bad shampoos, blow drying) my curls were so damaged and frizzy, so frizzy.
Similarly in my 30s I had to learn to care for them. I sleep on a satin pillow now with my curls lose my tied in a pineapple on the top of my head with a satin scrunchie to protect them. Use shampoos with no silicone, never brush it dry, use a denman brush to style when wet with a combo of curl creams, moosse and really hydrating conditioner for curls (love garnier hair food at the mo). Wash once or twice a week at most. If I have to dry it with a hair drier I use a difuser and hover close to the curls but not directly on them.

Agree re curly girl method as a good place to start but there can be some curl supremicists on there lol. If she's into tik tok or insta follow curly Zia and see how she's transformed her curls in the last year. Super easy.

Good luck! X

Small child not hole Hahaaa

Reassure her that the day will come when she loves her hair, even if it's a bit too full on now.

Do not brush when dry. DD washes and conditions in the shower and uses a wide tooth comb whilst conditioner is in. Squeezes water out in shower and wraps in towel. Towel stays on probably for 20mins. Takes towel off. Using fingers with head upside down, scrunches through some Only Curls enhancing gel and leaves.
And get a really good cut by someone who understands curly hair.

I had exactly the same experience as you. I watched a lot of YouTube videos and pointed my daughter to helpful videos as she's the one who will be looking after her hair. We invested in a trip to a curly salon where they showed her how to wash and dry her hair and keep in the curls.
We've tried a lot of different products to find the ones that work with her hair. She does 'plopping' which is (I think) wrapping your hair up in a t-shirt to help it dry.
She also sleeps in a silk turban.
My daughter's hair is a lot of work but at least she is beginning to like it.
Good luck

Plaiting it at night can make it look better when it's down the next day. Also sleeping on a silk (or even satin) pillowcase helps eliminate the frizz.

Have a look at Only Curls, Shea Moisture and Cantu products - my daughter would recommend those.

Look up House of Curls Uk on insta. She does have a shop that sells curly hair products, but her insta is mostly how she cares for her (enormous) hair. It's gorgeous.
My hair is neither as big or as gorgeous, but I rate Ouidad and Loveurcurls stuff.

Thanks for all of this. Most of her new friends at secondary school happen to have ramrod straight hair and one of them has quite thin hair so wear their hair loose. We already use some of the products mentioned and, if DD treats her hair carefully, she can get ringlets but that involves scrunching and using something like the Boots pink curl creme and she doesn't like the scrunchieness of it or the fact that she can't then plait her hair. It also doesn't deal with the wispy bits around her face. Ponytails aren't much use in the wind as her hair blows around and into her face.
I think we'll spend the Easter holidays experimenting with some of the things you've suggested. Perhaps if we can get back to ringlets then we can use gel for wispiness

If you get crispiness, get a tiny bit of oil - Righteous Roots is my fave, and "scrunch out the crunch". Honestly the House of Curls woman (there are others of course - Manes by Mel on Youtube is another one) could be great for her.

And try a 'puff cuff' for ponytails.

This was me in the 80s! Flippin nightmare but at least now there are loads of products and techniques to help. My hair goes frizzy if it’s not defined, but frizzy hair products don’t work - only moisturising ones - and her hair type needs moisture.
She needs a curl cream (boots or umberto giannini) - use this to moisturise and define her curls (it’s worth the time if you can help her wind curls round her finger after the curl cream), then umberto giannini curl jelly to hold the curls, it’s a soft gel not hard so won’t be as crunchy as a lot of others! She can always scrunch it out anyway if she doesn’t like the feeling of gel in her hair. I use an invisibobble at night (aka 80s high ponytail) but it’s worked wonders for my hair as it no longer gets matted from sleeping.
Let us know how you get on!!

Here’s a photo of my hair so you can see the effect of the curl cream and jelly.

Ah, bless! I used to get very stressed at school about my hair for the same reasons. I have tight ringlets and my hair is very thick. Mine also likes to grow up and out rather than down. I am mixed-race, so it was a fair bit of trial and error for my parents too including a home attempt at a curly fringe from my Mum My hair texture is very different to both of theirs.

It will help your daughter if her hair is thinned out at a salon, this will take a decent amount of the volume out. Somewhere that is experienced with curly hair. That helped me a lot when it came to 'exploding' hair! It sat better rather than the triangle look

Combing hair through when wet definitely helps - brushing, especially when dry, just seems to increase frizziness and volume. I do this with a bit of conditioner in as well.

I too hated the crunchiness of some products or the helmet head feeling. Curl custards don't tend to go crunchy. Leave-in conditioners also help a lot with frizz. I didn't really find frizz serums e.g. John Frieda to be very helpful unless I used a gallon!

A little bit of gel or wax and a spare toothbrush/mascara wand can help push the baby hairs back.

As @JuneOsborne says

If she's getting frizz, she might want a product that gives a 'cast' it effectively dries the curls hard and then you 'scrunch out the crunch'

I buy just the really cheap hair gel from Savers or Poundland, and put it on my hair wet, and kind of squeeze it in. This has worked out far better than the much more expensive stuff like curl cremes and frizz ease etc I used to try. It works better for me just on its own. I got the idea from You Tube and on here.

My hair is also slightly layered, which may help a bit.

Just to add to my previous comment, you don't leave it crunchy, you have to scrunch out the crunch'. The point of products like that is that it traps all of the frizz.

Scrunching out that crunch with a weightless oil as a pp said can help control any frizz that you get from the scrunching.

I hated my hair at school in the 80s and 90s. I learned to care for it properly as an adult and have learned more about styling it in the last few years.

Check out Curl Maven on Instagram. She has lots of helpful info, style tips and product reviews.