Hate shoe shopping for my 3 yo, can I just buy them "off the shelf" or will they harm her feet?

[Lulushmulu]

I was brought up wearing properly fitted Clarks and Start Rite shoes so it goes against the grain to buy non-fitted shoes like the ones you see in supermarkets!

However it would be so much easier for me as shoe shopping with her is a nightmare.

First she sets her heart on a pair of shoes, then they don't have them in her size, she has meltdown and refuses to try on the ones they DO have in her size. Then the baby has to miss her nap because we can only go in the afternoons (she is at preschool in the morning). I sometimes have to go to several shops to find a pair that a) fits and b) she will wear.

It would be so much easier if I could just buy a pair while I'm out shopping on my own and return them only if they are too small. If they were too big I would buy the next size down and keep the larger ones for later. If I gave her the shoes as a fait accompli and threw her old shoes away I think she would wear them.

How can I tell if a shoe fits properly (apart from the obvious things, ie feet not squashed and shoe not falling off!). Surely shoe fitting isn't rocket science?

And don't get me started on the cost! But am I being a bad mother if I go down the of-the-shelf route?

Any feedback welcome!

dd is hard to get shoes for so i just go into the shop and say i had these last year can you just measure her feet and get teh size that fits. poor dd just get the same old shoes over and over. but at least i know they fit and the experience is relately short lived. she has developed a shoe fetish though and as a form of bribery when we are out and about i promise her trips to see the 'princess shoes', i.e. ladies high heel strappy numbers.

Message withdrawn

Well, my dd (pfb) always had properly fitted shoes from an independent shoe shop. Elefan, Ricosta etc the works, she even had some designer Kenzo sandals once. I thought nothing of paying upwards of £40-£50 a time.

Now I have ds (4) and he is an "H" fitting, bordering on an "I" which doesn't exist at all - finding anywhere that has shoes to fit is a nightmare, he is currently wearing a £3 pair of trainers from Asda!

I buy off the rack sandals for my 2.5yo, she also wears normal Adidas trainers and I have just bought her a pair of boots from [gasp] Zara (though for occasional wear only though). Prior to that all her shoes were proper made-for-tinies Chicco or similar makes but tbh I haven't really seen much difference despite the cost.

I suppose it depends on how much shoe wearing is going to be done. My DD is in non slip socks all day at nursery and in slippers in the evening, so shoes are only really needed for the odd trip to the park or to and from nursery (ie. from door to car/bicycle) and trainers are more than sufficient for that.

Re the measuring here in Italy they don't bother with width and the length is seeing where the toe comes to in the shoe. Most shoes (including the trainers) have a detachable insole with a position guide for the big toe which will give you some idea of whether it's a good fit or not. It's what the shoe fitters do here in any case, either that or it's the thumb test. I found that this method was the best, rather than getting feet measured, as even in the expensive shoes the sizes seemed to vary quite a bit anyway. Just make sure the shoe is soft and flexible in all the right places.

Exactly Cod!

I happily buy non fitted shoes, BUT I always take ds with me and make sure they fit. I don't think just taking one pair and hoping they fit - then exchanging etc would be very satisfying - it could take you weeks to get a decent fit!

Like Fimbo, my ds has super-wide feet, actually he was born with extra big-toes, and altho' they have been removed he still has an extra metatarsal on the left.

We see a consultant every couple of years just to check on them, and I asked him about whether we needed to get custom-made shoes to give the correct support etc.

He said that for the vasdt majority of children, this whole 'correct fit' business is bunkum. The best way for children to walk is barefoot, and you don't get support then, do you?

I have been told just to get ds whatever feels right. Obviously not too tight, but not so loose that they slop about and rub to give blisters. This means we have to go up 2 sizes for length, to get a good width. John Lewises make me sign a piece of paper to confirm that I'm buying shoes that 'don't fit' .

So I would say, yes you can buy them 'off the shelf', but I'd be tempted to buy 2 or 3 styles, in a couple of sizes to try at home, otherwise you may be to-and-fro-ing for ages.

Also do bear in mind that she has to learn to do the things as she is told, no matter how annoying she finds it. If you can't buy shoes, how are you going to manage the dentists?

My dc are currently wearing cheap trainers most of the time. DS1 has Clarks for school, but really because I didn't want them to wear out and fall apart.

I think you really need to take the child with you though. It is easy to feel if the shoe fits ok by prodding with you fingers! If you really can't face taking her, then it is good advice to buy 3 or 4 pairs to try at home, returning those which are no good.

I grew up like so many - wearing properly fitted Clarks and Startrite shoes. I think we have this guilt conditioning to do the same because it's what we did.

I do think for older children this is all a bit of a fallacy. I can work out as well as 17 year old in Clarks what fits and what doesn't. Also older children can help by telling you how it feels too. Shoe fitting isn't rocket science although Clarks like to give it an air of mystery because it's good for business.

For really young ones though I think where possible I would still have the shoes fitted because they are less likely to tell you if it feels wrong and because their bones are still very soft.

But no you wouldn't be a bad mother at all for buying shoes off the shelf. Not at all. I understand why you would wish to go down this route. I think Clarks could do with a healthy dollop of competition on the high street in terms of attitude and cost.

By the way, if you know what size you are looking for I have bought from here before and saved a fortune.

great website Tsar, thanx, I've just ordered some sandals for ds!

I go to Clarkes to get the DS's feet measured - and then go to Woolies, or other cheaper shoe shop and buy off the shelf for them.

Excellent!

Yeah I've done that too TheIceQueen but i've run out of nerve and excuses to do it anymore!! Anyone know how you can work out the width fitting at home?

Oh I don't worry about the width fitting .

I just go in with the DS's, say I need to get them measured to see if they need new ones. Find out if their shoes are still the correct size, if they're not I make a comment to DS1 (who's 7) that now we've got them measured we can ask daddy for some money to buy some new ones and we'll come back another day -

Well my ds has had his feet measured incorrectly at Clarks many times. I hate that shop.

IceQueen that is BRILLIANT!!

clumsy - they never argue with me - because I use the same excuse each time - so it makes them think that I have to rely on my OH or the DS's dad for the money........in actual fact I go to another cheaper shop and get my own card, with my own money in it, and use that

Chipmunk shoes are ace - leather etc - and cheap as chips. I normally get them measured in Clarks then sneak out without buying anything and get Chipmunks. There are loads on ebay.

I wonder if you can buy a foot measure thing to get the width right?

That site is brilliant.

if you're in London or Nottingham, Footling's come to your house at an appointed time. It's like if Carlsberg did kids shoes. WWW.footling.co.uk.

Fab.

Thanks everyone, sound advice as usual and a lot of food for thought!
She was an 8F when she was measured in Clarks recently. In the past I used to do as several of you have done, ie to get measured in Clarks, make some excuse, walk out and buy cheaper shoes somewhere else, but then I discovered she was measuring different sizes in different shops so I have stopped doing that and bought from a different shop each time.

Are the shoe measuring thingies industry-standard or does each retailer have their own sizing? Is it a clever marketing scam to force customers to stick with the same retailer because there is no standard sizing? Perhaps this would be the subject of another thread!

I think trainers might be an option because they are soft and more comfy than "smart" shoes and she very rarely needs to wear smart clothes. If they had sequins or flashing lights on that would be even better! She could have a good quality pair of trainers to wear everyday and a cheap pair of smart party shoes which would satisfy her "pink and sparkly" needs.

Thanks again.

Check the width - you can see yourself if it is gaping or seems too wide if you have eyes. Next you need to put your finger down the back of the shoe - if you can get it in comfortably, the length is right and there is enough room for growth.

easy.