And here's the OTHER MN grooming thread you've all been looking for...

[Monkeybird]

1. Give up reading. You need the time to replaster your pockholes

1. Get up 4 hours earlier to make time for plucking, shaving and tweezing. Go on, you can't let those standards slip. Even better, in true Monty Python style, get up BEFORE you go to bed - more time to groom AND you don't get those bed creases in your face

1. When getting dressed, try to find the thing on the floor that doesn't have weetabix trodden into it.

1. And definitely check the arse for the weetabix. BEFORE doing the school run.

1. If you must accessorize with baby vomit, at least make it symmetrical

1. Watch children's TV for hours on Sky. Make note of Ocean Finance number in the adbreaks. Remortgage home to pay for Touche Eclat/Beauty Flash Balm/Elemis facials. Sell body for more cash when you realise you still look like a saggy bulldog with a glandular problem. And no, it's not just in daylight/shopwindows/Ultraviolet: you look like that ALL the fucking time

1. Save money on GHDs: just iron everything. If you put it on the lowest setting it even works quite well on wrinkles with a bit of baby rice for filler

1. Do not trim your fingernails. You need them sharp for picking off your baby's cradlecap. If you collect all this together, it makes a very useful facepack.

1. Never leave the house in trackies and Crocs. Not because you won't fit in with all the dark-jeaned groomed mummies at the school gate. But just because you'll look like a twat.

1. Troy Bolton and Ashton Kutcher really aren't gonna fight their way through the crepepaper overhang to find the overgrown ladygarden now you've GOT screamers rather than just being one. Give up and enjoy the chocolate. You'll smile much more and the fat tattooed bloke who like to snore through a shag once in a while will appreciate you all the more.

10. Never leave the house without plucking your eyebrows, waxing, shaving and wearing expensive lipgloss, with nice clean shoes and a big bag to balance your mummytummy and pack all your bits away.... Or you could find the will to live again, could kiss your children more, read a book or a newspaper instead....

Oh I'm JOKING ladies...

I care, really I do. I can't help it if I'm too far gone...

Baby-wipes are great cleaning-anything cloths, ( what the heck do they put in them, they are better than flash, I swear!)
don't worry about plucking eyebrows, the new moustache distracts from them nicely,
as does the wild hair!
In fact, the balance created by mush, bushy eyebrows and hair, kind of looks a bit 80's with legwarmers.
If you wear glasses, no-one notices your eyelashes, plus they can hide your eyebrows if you get the right pair!

Thanks Monkeybird, this saves me the trouble of trawling through the OTHER thread and making notes....I was going to, really...

(and eeeuuww) at the cradle cap facepack.

Yay, Gok's mates say pale is in...

11. Get no sleep for 5 years consecutively. Develop a fabulous shade of milkbottle with cadaver undertones.

12. Forego 'skin illuminator'. Instead mix smeared breastmilk with a light sheen of fractious, exhausted sweat to give you that slightly sickly twotone glow

Message withdrawn

haven't spotted the other thread

tis here for those who have the time, money and obv have made up their children as figments of imagination (and maybe they have weird fake dolls also...?) since they clearly have too much time on hands...