Grown up 'glow up'?

[DukeofEarlGrey]

I have an event in early May where I need to look significantly better than I do right now. I will be coming face to face an ex boss who bullied me my last job where I was very successful. it destroyed my mental health and eventually I had to leave. I am now in a new job and over the experience but obviously want to hold my head high.

I am currently 2 st overweight and feeling very unattractive. How much can a 41 yo realistically glow up in 10 weeks? Obviously I don't mean glow up like the instagram kids, but what can I do to look and feel dramatically better? I have decent hair, skin and budget!

I think you can lose enough to feel good about yourself.
Eat lots of avocados and walnuts so you feel you're feeding your skin.

You don't have to transform yourself to feel good facing ex boss. You're good as you are. Losing weight does give me a bit of a boost too though.

The experience sounds awful. I've been bullied twice in the last five years and it has made me stronger but only after a lot of initial upset. Listen to lots of self-compassion meditations in the run up to the event.

I fully support this as a motivator.

In short, you can do a lot in 10 weeks with a bit of cash.

Right, what are your needs here? What’s the starting point, weight-aside? And what would you like to ‘achieve’?

Also, what’s you appetite for injectables, etc? Or do you just want lighter touch interventions?

You can lose the weight. That’s that. You know what you need to do. And you can cheat a bit with shapewear, let’s be honest.

Skin-wise, something like a hydra facial before the event will give a temporary boost. You could do some non-ablative lasering or IPL in this timeframe - depends on your needs and wishes. Or a peel. Don’t rely on lotions and potions for this brief period if you feel you really want to tackle something. Obviously, fillers or Botox may be useful. Profhilo is more of a long-game but there is also a temporary plumpness in the days that follow.

What about eyebrows? A bit of threading/tint/HD brows?

Hair - do you want to revamp your style or is it more of a brighten up (eg. Balayage) or a de-frizzing (keratin treatment)?

What about teeth whitening? You could do a 2 week at home course of zoom if you didn’t want to spend on an in-office treatment.

If you are doing it, do it for you, not anyone else but I can fully see where you are coming from.

You can definitely lose a significant amount of weight in 10 weeks, it's all about calorie deficit, but making good food choices with your calorie allowance. Moving more will help too if you can up your step count.

In terms of glowing up absolutely, but its a case of money, time for appointments and routine.

I think starting from the foundations upwards is the best way, start with your canvas if you will. Skincare first. Get a cleanser, toner and moisturiser - doesn't need to be fancy, use dermatica or skin+me to get tretinoin on prescription - this will give you a glow and reduce wrinkles. Get a serum with hylauronic acid, and an SPF50 cream. Also if you can take supplements, I use viviscal but I hear Asdas multivitamin is excellent too.

Eyebrows, microbladed or powder brows, around £300-£400 but perfect brows. Also I think a last lift and tint helps, or if like me your eyelashes are sparse, lash extensions.

Nails, even just a gel helps polish off the look.

Spray tan a few days before the event, or do at home, I use vita liberata which is very natural, not ornage at all.

Teeth whitening, expensive but needs to be through a dentist, see what your dentist offers. Enlighten(?) is around £500, my previous dentist does Phillips Zoom which is closer to £200. Failing that, even a hygeniest clean will give your smile a boost.

Hair, use phillip kingsley elasticiser or olaplex, people tend to get on with one or the other, I have fine hair and only get on with phillip kingsley elasticiser. I also use a jkeratin straight treatment (brazillian blowdry the hairdressers call it) costs around £26 on amazon and does the same, gets rid of frizz and leaves the hair smoother and shinier. A balayage can give hair a boost.

Makeup I guess would be key too, go to a MAC counter or any other high quality makeup brand and explain what you want, and they can talk you through the steps.

Thanks so much for all the ideas! I thought none were forthcoming last night and have just logged on to all these great suggestions :)

I agree that I don't 'need' to change to face my bully and thank you all for putting that first. But I mostly gained weight during the bullying (it happened throughout Covid and I was living alone in lockdown) and I actually feel unfit and unhealthy because of it so ultimately I will be the beneficiary. Plus I am still dealing with the anger I have about what happened and exercise feels like one of the best ways to deal with it! NB I have had counselling and the residual anger is just what I have to deal with - the counsellor said it will probably be a year before I am completely over the effects.

In terms of what I want to achieve - the main goal is weight loss as weight/fitness is the one thing that I am truly unhappy with. I think I really look like the bullying worked on me as I gained the weight as a result of the stress from that happening throughout Covid. Apart from that I would like to look/feel glowing, like 'obviously I'm in a better place since I walked away from your bullshit'! So I think that means looking healthy, confident and a bit 'shiny' iyswim. Glowing skin would be great.

Weight aside I have very nice hair (if I do say so myself) so a nice mask is a good idea but nothing more needed.

Teeth whitening - I have done the Philips Zoom before and it's great, so I will definitely get that redone before the event.

Skincare - I am a novice with retinol etc. I recently bought the MediK8 stuff based on advice from here but am not in a routine yet. I find my sporadic use gives me irritated skin and eyes - will this pass if I keep it up?

@ABitOfAShitShow I have no idea what any of the other skin things you recommend are! I've never done any of these and am open to it but ideally nothing that's injected... is that an option??

@UserBotLurking9to5 I like that idea of self-compassion meditations - thank you for adding that.

There's so much great detail here. Thank you all for making this feel more fun!

Retinol is great for your skin so you should keep it up for your own benefit, but honestly it won't make a difference in 10 weeks unfortunately. Definitely discontinue it at least a week before your event. More if you're very dry/sore or are going to have treatments.
Have a lovely time.

I did it in lock down. Came out 5 stone less and blonde. People didn’t recognise me. Mental health wise it’s been not great because I have questioned my identity but I’ll happily tell you how I did it.

Do the same thing consistently everyday.
Whatever that may be.

For me it was ;

Stay within my calories. (Obvs this is applicable to any diet, but the rule is the same - do the same thing every day)

Couch to 5k. Again consistency. Just do the thing, don’t complain or hate it, it’s just something that needs to be done for x amount of time. Eventually you’ll not hate it.

Take time each week to manicure your nails and olaplex your hair. Block this time in like it’s a meeting with your bank manager.

If you’ve only 10 weeks it’s manageable. If ever you feel like quitting, you can at least think - 8 more weeks or whatever. Good luck x

Set yourself a positive goal about what you want to achieve do it for you to feel strong and confident, the effect on your old boss is by the by, she is beneath you and not worth worrying about, this night is all about you for you.

You want to build solid foundations. The best makeup in the world will look crap if you skin is awful or you are exhausted. You want everything moisturised, strong and healthy plus great, well fitting underwear!

Look at something like meditation/journalling etc to help work on your mind. I am a couple of weeks into using both the Calm app and the self journal and I find starting my day sitting down to meditate and journal is really improving my state of mind. Plus its all done within 20 minutes.

Aim to build habits that can be stacked rather than totally changing your lifestyle overnight. It is less overwhelming and is more likely to become a lifestyle change you keep. It's about starting simple and achievable. For example if you don't exercise at all aim to add an extra 1K steps a day. If you don't drink much water add a large glass first thing in the morning. If you are not moisturising your body get a light body oil or the sanctuary wet moisturiser you can slap on with little effort. 10 weeks is more than enough time that you can start small and make a significant difference. Far better than trying too much, giving up and then trying to do everything in a week!

Focus on good physical and mental health, self care, plenty of sleep, exercise, plenty of water, vegetables and good fats. An inside and outside approach.

Regarding skincare look at something like skin and me. They will prescribe a cream based on your goals and apart from that you just use a simple skincare routine. They prescribe what you need and can adjust it/build up to reduce irritation. I had adult acne my whole life until I started a year ago and now I have perfect skin and only wear very light foundation if I want to look ultra polished.

Retinol is a long-game. By all means do it but don’t expect anything noticeable in 10 weeks.

Lasers or peels are medical grade - there are no needles but there’s discomfort and, depending what you have, downtime (I’ve had laser layering at Joney de Souza which required 3 treatments - multiple lasers and IPL each time - a few weeks apart and each time I was swollen for maybe 3 days). EVERYONE commented on my skin afterwards and I was able to ditch foundation for a long time. There are gentler peels like the Obagi Blue Radiance if you wanted a peel without any significant downtime. And/or a hydrafacial is a good pre-event treat that makes most people a bit fresh and glowy temporarily.

The weight, the zoom and the hair you have in hand. Regarding the treatments mentioned above, I do elasticizer when I remember and olaplex when I have it coloured. They’re to strengthen your hair rather than being a nice conditioning mask so don’t bother if yours is already good and you’re just bothered about what it looks like on the day. You could buy a nice kerastase mask or get an in-salon treatment if you felt so inclined?

Definitely a manicure. For me, it’s key to looking polished.

If you’re into having a tan, a bit of fake tan or a spray tan is not just a good way to look healthy but also, will make you look more toned if any of your limbs are showing.

Other than that, you just need an outfit that feel great in.

You’ve got this. Fuck her.

I’ve been bullied at work and it was horrible. It was 5 years ago now and I would hate it if I had to see my bully again.

Do you actually have to go to the event OP? I presume the event is work related. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. Could you do all the ‘glow up’ stuff just for you.

I’m living a great life, but honestly don’t know how I would be with my bully. Luckily I’ve really improved my fitness and strength so could probably throw her across the room if needed. But given the choice, I’d avoid her at all cost, but she was a nasty piece of work, vindictive and probably dangerous. I think if she saw me doing well it would trigger her tbh, and being a grey rock may be the sensible option.

I love all this advice! MN has really come up trumps - I love this:

Set yourself a positive goal about what you want to achieve do it for you to feel strong and confident, the effect on your old boss is by the by, she is beneath you and not worth worrying about, this night is all about you for you

But also this:

You’ve got this. Fuck her.

@Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree I do want to go. Our industry is small and so close that she/her buddies come up all the time in my new place. I did grey rock when I had to work for her and it was the right thing to do then, but this event is something I want to be at and I won't let her intimidate me anymore.

A manicure is a great easy win. Also a good outfit - I have so many beautiful clothes in my existing wardrobe that I can wear again when I lose weight.

I will get started on the retinol for the long-term but look into some of the things @ABitOfAShitShow recommends. Btw, you do NOT sound like a shit show!

@Windbeneathmybingowings 5 stone is an amazing achievement - congratulations! What a brilliant use of lockdown.

@Seaography habit stacking is a good idea. I'm going to take a look at my routine at the weekend and decide what to change.

Do a diet where you aim to eat really lovely tasty food but lose 0.5/1lb a week. Get Botox. Get a new outfit. Get haircut, nails and eyebrows done the weekend before. You'll feel great I promise!

Lots of great advice already given. Would it be worth signing up to a meal delivery service - if budget is there? www.bbcgoodfood.com/review/best-healthy-meal-box-subscriptions-on-test
Agree with advice to sleep, drink water, eat nuts, veg, fruit etc…it really makes a difference. Buy some juices - beetroot, carrot, pomegranate all help skin.
I can’t advise re retinol, but I recently got some samples of the Immortelle range by L’Occitane. Not cheap, but the products seem excellent - saw an instant improvement.
Good luck!

Btw, you do NOT sound like a shit show!

Well not on the outside maybe…Good nails but chaos on the inside.

Collagen tablets improved my skin loads

@DukeofEarlGrey how are you getting on with your glow up?