Attractiveness

[pinkpixie83]

Just a strange one, I've done no end of work on myself over the last 12 months, both physically and mentally, but how do you make yourself feel attractive?
I still always see a frizzy haired, unattractive mess when I look in the mirror or at pictures.

If your hair would benefit from it, maybe try Olaplex, or frizease or something? If it's just the way you feel about you, and not your hair? I dunno. I find other stuff to make me feel good, I make some time for myself, reading, excercising, etc. I find I always feel better with a bit of make up on, and a squirt of perfume.

I second the perfume suggestion. Buy yourself some perfume you really love.

Depends if you want a quick fix or something that requires more work. I think good posture, feeling fit, and strong help. Doing some form of regular exercise also helps with skin. I think wearing clothes and colours that suit you are important too. Today, I stepped out in my joggers, greasy hair tied back, no make up, but put on a beautiful jacket; my neighbor commented on how well I looked. I thought I looked shit. So, sometimes we do not see ourselves as others do (in a positive way). If your hair is your main concern, could you start with that? After a very turbulent few years, I started doing small things to take care of myself, and I do have days where I feel good about myself.

When you felt attractive before a year ago, what were the things that helped? Could you make a list of things you’d like to change and see which ones are achievable? They could be very small things, like nails. Whilst waiting for my jab at a pharmacy, I painted my nails red, and thought how lovely they looked. I never paint my nails or have manicures etc. That one thing made a difference to my overall look.

Do other people think you're attractive but you just don't feel it? So is it a confidence thing rather than objectively feeling there are things you want to improve? Ive improved my appearance hugely over the last couple of years, and its a bit of a double edged sword, because I think my good figure and nice hair are now let down by my other imperfections, so I've become more critical of myself. Which is not a great way to be, and I try to work on it by focusing on my better points.

It sounds to me like the problem is more with how you view yourself and how you think about yourself rather than with something external. I can really identify with what you're describing though. I've felt like that all my life. I've only started realising recently that the problem gas never been in how I look. It's always been inside my head. I've spent (=wasted) so much time trying to fix my weight, make up, clothes, posture, hair etc. Now when I look at pictures of myself esp a couple of years ago I feel sad that I felt so ugly when I was clearly really pretty. I wonder whether any of this resonates with you at all?

Another thing is.. I realised in the past year how absolutely everything in our works is a construction. Language, our beliefs, thoughts, customs.. everything. And so are beauty standards. It's difficult to remember that beauty as we understand it isn't a universal truth. It's something made up by people and we are just totally brainwashed by it all. How do you view your friends? Even those who might not be conventionally attractive? I doubt you'll judge them as harshly as you do yourself. I've found the trick is to start slowly learning to talk to ourselves as kindly. It's been a long journey for me but so worth it. I really hope you can learn to love the way you look too.

Have the same hair issues. I think it’s hard to look good and we’ll put together with hair that insists on being a mess. Go in heavy with the hair products and hair straighteners and hair treatments.

I always feel better when I'm eating well and doing exercise regularly. It makes me put more effort into all the other stuff, like hair and make up and clothes. Once the diet slips, the other stuff goes too.

Avoid mirrors other than to check that you won't frighten any horses. All the ones in my house are malfunctioning.

Despite me looking young and beautiful, the mirrors show an ugly old woman

Sure @Jjacobb… not clicking on the shit bag site. They literally look like bags to shit in.

OP, I agree with the hair treatments, but also, lipstick. A nude pink lipstick or red lipstick makes me feel attractive and they also brighten up my face.

I think it's definitely a lot to do with psychology. You can keep working on yourself physically and there'll still be more to do, oh now I need my teeth whitening or whatever it is. The maintenance is actually impossible unless you have endless time and money. I think happy, content people automatically exude attractiveness rather than those who spend ages on their appearance, or indeed obsess over it.

We don't ever really see ourselves how others see us. You don't see your smile, the way you laugh or turn your head or move your eyes, your mannerisms. People also see the whole you, not a one dimensional person, being caring and friendly makes you more attractive.

Everyone else is more interested in what they look like than to be noticing your frizzy hair or whatnot. Only you see all your imperfections, I'm always having conversations with people where I explain my issues or they theirs and we haven't noticed each other's at all.

Finally most people look less 'good' as they age so you need to appreciate yourself now!

I have curly hair and always been to lazy and not dexterous enough to straighten it. I've always used a mousse or gel to control the frizz, one of the keys to preventing frizz is don't touch it when wet.

I have noticed as well that when some women say their hair is frizzy it's not they just have an unrealistic expectation of how it should look and often they have beautiful hair I bet you do to.

Also stop telling yourself you are not attractive and start telling yourself all the good things about yourself.

@Jjacobb

My lovely dh loves to enter competitions and has won various bits and bobs over the years.

Before he left for work this morning he told me he had received an email to say he has won £250 to spend at Scaramanga. He told me they sold leather bags and I could choose whatever I wanted.
So I excitedly went onto the website to choose a bag. They are the ugliest things I've ever seen. I like a bit of vintage but these look as if they've been used as a ball in many, many football games.
I was so disappointed. They sell vintage housewares as well but although I can see that some people could make a secondhand tuc tuc look cool I'm not that person.
I've added a couple of pictures. I do quite like the Weekender bag but the prize doesn't include sale items.
What would you lovely people choose from there?

LOL.

What's that bag question got to do with this lady's issue?

I also feel there is an art to being in a picture. Certain angles of the face, and how you stand. Over the years I've learnt how to hold myself so I don't look like a grinning blob. But that's not about you per se it's about photography.

@pinkpixie83 any help to you?

It's really noying when the OP doesn't come back!

A tiny bit of facial self tanner works wonders if I need perking up