I’ve lost my way - I need some robust advice

[checkedcloth]

I’ve just turn 45 and feel and look like I’ve lost my way.

Only a few years ago, friends would ask me for style / clothes advice and I used to post here on S&B.

I’ve been diagnosed as menopausal, I’m on HRT but its not having the full effect yet.

But essentially everything is all a bit ‘wrong’. My hair is so lank and flat. My hairdresser just doesn’t seem to do the colour or cut in a way that I like and so I’ve not been in ages

I’ve put on weight, all around my stomach. I’m a large 12

My skin is dehydrated and very dull looking. I seem to have lost the art of doing my make up.

I don’t seem to know what suits me anymore. I desperately need some jeans but can’t seem to find any.

I spend hours searching the internet but don’t ever decide on anything anymore. It’s like I don’t trust my judgement at all

Also to add, I’m a nurse, so totally knocked regularly do on calls at weekends and so my free time to either sort out the Wild eyebrows or jeans shop is limited. When I’m not at work I am taking various kids to sports things which I sit and watch looking like an old frump.

I need robust direction!

Go to another hairdresser, on reccomendation, of someone whose hair you like. Can you book a session with a personal shopper in a department store?

Why not ask your friends for the favour to be returned? Tell them you feel a bit stuck in a rut and ask for their opinions.
Definitely either give your hairdresser a clear picture/idea of what you want or find another one! Again your friends could maybe help with some recommendations.
Make sure you're drinking plenty as well we nurses never are! Maybe also look at your sleep hygiene, that can make a big difference to your skin and your general sense of well-being.
If you are unhappy you've gained weight maybe look at your step count and activity levels and see where you can challenge yourself a bit more.
But please also remember you've been a nurse during a frigging pandemic so be kind to yourself!

Start asking playground or kids hobby mums who have nice hair where they get it done. Message privately if you prefer - I promise no one will mind it's a big compliment! You need a hairdresser that's for normal people not cool teenagers. Toni and guy is a big no.

Finding my hairdresser was great for me - she's my age and also a single parent and there's no small talk just really good chat and great hair. She's vetoed a few ideas of mine and said it's too mumsy! Other school mums now go to her. If you are in Plymouth dm me I'll hook you up.

The eyebrow places here get booked up months in advance just get organised and book then. Then book the next one before you leave the salon.

Clothes wise I feel your pain a aw21 fashion is crap. I just want bum covering nice jumper and flattering high waist trousers!!

Thank you all.
I am struggling to find recommendations for a hairdresser, most of the women I know have someone coming to their home.
Im never at the school gates and so don’t have those connections with lots of other women on a daily basis.

I feel like so much of me needs sorting out that I just don’t know where to start

I’d much prefer to order on line rather than in store, it’s just impossible for me to find the time for a trip out.

I used to love brands like Isobel Marant, J brand jeans etc. now I just think I’d never squeeze my waistline in them. I think I weight about 1.5 stones more than when I felt my best.

I know I need to exercise, I need something easy and quick I can do at home as I commute for 2 hours, I’m out early and home late!

Are you me???!! I'm 43, but have about 3 stone to lose. I just look so grey and haggered.
Also nurse that ferries kids about on my days off.

Eyebrows like sparse caterpillars.

Firstly, drink lots more water, favtor it in wherever you can - first tjing in a morning swig a glass, maling a cup of tea?, Drink a big glass while waiting for kettle to boil, taking kids to clubs, take a big bottle ti drink while in car \ waiting.

Ehereabouts do you live? Mumsnetters in your area can recommend good hairdressers.

Maybe clear out your wardrobe to force yourself to dress better, even for basics - the peril of kerping clotbes thay ate yput scruffy clothes / for knocking about in s thatvtheu become your daily wear.

Get your skin perkier with water, get a hair appointment thrn when you ferl better you will have a better mi dset to broach clithes and make up.

@Atla we clearly are living a similar life. I think nursing has such an impact on our life’s. I’ve become incapable of sorting myself out, mostly because all my energy goes into work and then after that my children

Are you on Facebook, if so does your local area have a group? If so join it and ask for hairdresser recommendations. Same for a beautician that does eyebrows.
Do a big Next or M&S order of jeans and keep the best pair. Order all pairs in a 12 and 14 and send the rest back.

Can you pick up 1) a volumizing shampoo and conditioner and 2) a root lift type spray. This will give your hair a quick boost.

Best thing is to give it a clarifying wash first, to remove old product residue and freshen it up. Clarifying shampoos are made by several brands. Boots and Superdrug will have these products, or probably your supermarket!

Next you need 1) some type of peel to use, and 2) some hyaluronic acid and 3) some vitamin c cream , to brighten and smooth your skin and to hydrate, moisturise and soften. Amazon is your friend on this, they sell the inkey list, which are top notch and very affordable products.

Once your hair is bouncier and your skin exfoliated and fed you might feel like drinking more water than you do currently, and other aspects like which jeans to buy will feel less daunting as you feel fresher.

It’s grotty feeling a bit lost, isn’t it! I tend to buy clothes the next size up when I feel that way, as looser clothes make me feel slimmer!

Maybe find someone on Pinterest whose style you admire and try to emulate them? Someone with a similar figure so they have worked out what proportions work?

I'm obsessed with Sylvie from Emily in Paris for example and she has given me some great outfit ideas.

@Taoneusa
Great advice.

Sorry it’s taken me some time to reply. Thank you for everyone’s replies and especially @Taoneusa for so many suggestions. You’ve helped me understand how sorting one thing out could led to another.

I feel the same, nearly 42. I've always had dark brown hair but had it lightened 3 times with a blonde balayage, you could try this? What colour hair do you have? I never thought I would have any blonde but people ( and the internet) say it makes me look younger and I love it now .

I’m blond (highlighted for the last 30 years!)

I’ve been going to a really good Salon but feel that in the last few visits I’ve not got what I’ve asked for. It’s an expensive salon too so I think I need a change

Often it's the little things that help as we age, nothing revelatory, so

• a good haircut makes all the difference and you wear it every day
• a consistent skincare routine, doesn't have to be complicated, try CeraVe maybe
• good quality basics like jeans and jumpers and boots and trainers and some nice accessories, no one is dressing up so much so spend money on your every day wardrobe. A good coat is essential, some people only see you in your coat

Hopefully the HRT will help with everything from you skin to your motivation

If you're in the North West, I know the best hairdresser bar none. Actually, even if you're not in the NW, he's worth travelling to.

Let me put this to you bluntly. You are 45. The bloom of youth is in the rear view mirror but you can still look fabulous. Do it before it's too late. At 45, I looked 30 and fantastic. Fast forward 5 years and I look like a melted welly and my looks have totally gone. There's a HUGE difference between mid 40s and 50. So use that as your motivation. Get on with making the most of yourself now cos once it's gone, it's gone forever!

@Imabouttoexplode

PMSL at "I look like a melted welly"

No useful advice, or at least none that hasn't already been offered.

Just an idea but if you're looking for ways to get exercise in, can you take a walk whilst your kids do their sport clubs? Just around the pitch or whatever. When I go to the park with my monsters I walk laps around the play park bit to get my steps up. Walking is great for your skin and also lifts your mood. Take a water bottle and drink plenty.

I'm mid 30s but found I'd lost my way during the lockdown with little ones. I got some exfoliating gloves (£1) and a body brush (£3) from boots to help me feel better, and a DIY body scrub (olive oil, sea salt)...I felt like at least brightening up my skin and circulation was a cost-effective step in the right direction.

I'm an ex nurse (sahm atm) and I hear you on the life-swallowing aspect of the job. I spent all my youthful years in uniform or scrubs and forgot how real people actually dress.

I'm also doing a mud face mask once a week (while doing laundry) and a gradual face tan (just Dove, but it's good) to take the sleep deprived winter gloom of my palid, puffy face.

Can't help with the clothes as I've no style myself but I would suggest getting on Pinterest perhaps and taking inspiration from some mood boards.

Oh and get a new bra

I've decided to just start small. I'm aiming for 10k steps a day - free pedometer app on phone.

I've bought myself some leggings from fabletics as a reward they are so comfy