Can anyone help me need a total makeover I don't know if I can ever look good again

[HelpMeFindMySparkle]

I'm 39 after a trauma 3 years ago I've put on nearly 5 stone.
I look awful I always used to take pride in my appearance I still put on make up but slapped on, my nails are never I have zero skin routine/beauty treatments.
My clothes are drab and oversized I dress for comfort now as I don't feel like I look good anyway.
I used to get some male attention (I was never a supermodel but I got some attention) but now literally invisible, totally invisible and almost asexual if that makes sense -(in the eyes of others)
I want to feel good again, I want admiring glances and people to compliment me I feel like shit and so far from ever looking good again.
I know I need to lose weight but I need full. Overhaul too I look old, drab and boring. That is so far from who I am inside I want feel like I'm interesting on the 'ourside' too I feel mismatched with how I look

I feel bad that you’ve been through trauma and are so down on yourself. Of course you are dressing for comfort and your looks have taken a back seat. Of course.
Be kind to yourself, treat yourself like you would a precious friend.
Do you have any money to spend on clothes and makeup? Of course you don’t have to but treating yourself would probably be a good start.

Start by forgetting about your weight. You csn deal with that after Christmas.
Now before you do anything, tell yourself that you are a good kind person, and are beautiful .

Get your nails done, do it yourself if you can and make them presentable.

You don't need a skin routine - use soap and water and a moisturiset. Nivea/Nivea soft or Aldi/Lidl stuff is fine.

Have a nice shower, blow dry your hair and put on a full face of make up. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are lovely.

Your weight, looks and the trauma do not define you.
Pat yourself on the back for having come this far

Get your hair done, get your lashes and brows done too. When you start feeling a bit better about yourself, it might help to motivate you with the weight loss. You could start by reducing your portion sizes slightly. Nothing dramatic, just tiny changes that will be easy to stick to

Have you had an opportunity to deal with the trauma? If it involved your body that may also be influencing how you feel about either your appearance or your weight or how others see you. People speak really highly of EMDR, or I had a slightly different one called Rewind which was great.

I agree that you should start cherishing yourself like a beloved friend. You’ve survived a trauma, you are strong. Weight can be lost if you want. Hair, nails, skin, nice clothes - even just a beautiful scarf in a flattering colour to start with.
You aren’t invisible.

Are you getting counselling and help OP? I'm sorry you've been through it.

What's your budget for the transformation? These things can cost a lot!

As far as free / nearly free things you could do:

1. Organise your clothes. Put all smaller sizes away in vac bags for now.

1. Clothes that fit, make sure they are all washed, ironed and any holes sewn up. De- bobble any wool. Think about accessories / combinations of clothes that you feel best in. Dig out old jewellery, shoes and bags and think about how to style your outfits.

1. Have a look at the make up and cosmetics you have- is there anything unused you have forgotten about? Same with hair products and styling tools. Could you style your hair?

Hi OP,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with trauma.

I'm sitting here thinking the exact same thing as you; I'm late thirties and I feel and look ten years older but when I bother to make an effort, I definitely feel (and look) better.

So I'm trying to think of small things to do to help. I will tackle the weight in the New Year (I've got 5 stone to loose too) and I have recently found out I've likely got sleep apnea (which is also making me feel crap).

There are a couple of things I do already which help and so may help you too:

• get my haircut and coloured every 8 weeks (I always book the next appointment before I leave - otherwise, I never get round to it).
• take a multi vitamin and vitamin D everyday

-cleanse my face (I use Liz Earle cleanse and polish - I've used it for years but have never found anything better). I use whatever is on offer to moisturise my face and eyes.

I've just been to the salon for a manicure and I have booked in for a pedicure for the New Year - so feeling good on that front. I thoroughly recommend CCS foot balm if you've got dry, cracked feet - I need to use it more regularly as when I do, my feet are like new!

I had a bit of a sort out of my wardrobe a month ago and got rid of anything that was super worn or didn't fit. I definitely need more clothes but I struggle to find stuff that I like and that fits. I bought new knickers, so goodbye old, faded ones. I desperately need a couple of good bras.

Otherwise things that I know help when I do them, so will make more effort:

• Blow-dry hair (I wash mine everyday but U

I am too lazy to blow-dry it all the time which makes it look messy)

• Apply make up (even if minimal). I must buy myself some new concealer and foundation as mine are pants.
• go for a walk each day. WFH means there are days I barely move. It makes me feel sluggish.
• drink more water
• use retinol/exfoliators etc - I have all this stuff but never use it and my skim always look better when I've used them. Even once a week makes a difference.
• get brows shaped and tinted (as well as eyelashes). Must book for the New Year.
• moisturise body

I'm sure others who are much more stylish can advise on that front. I'd like a new necklace, as I don't wear any jewellery except diamond stud earrings and sometimes I think this makes my outfit seem less finished!

An idea of budget would be good OP. I am sure a new year princessing thread will be along here shortly and I sympathise on the weight front as I desperately need to lose at least 2 stone (probably closer to 3). Things that make a huge diff to me;

Good skincare, exfoliation etc
Body brushing and moisturiser
Nails and toes done
Make up
Good clean well fitted clothing
Basic accessories

This is a good pick up the bum for me as I've been slobbing about in gym leggings and need a kick up the arse myself

I've lost 4 stone this year and become more positive. The things that have given me my Mojo back are

1. Exercise - Couch to 5k once you are up to it - or start now, just walking to begin with, this has done more for my mood than anything else. Also pilates and yoga, my body feels much better and I spent some money on posh gym clothes so I could admire them even when i was not too keen on the body inside ( you can get a good price on ebay if you lose weight later)
2. Lash extensions - they made more difference to my face than I can say.
3. I got longer hair and felt more glamorous as a result ( for you it might be the other way around, and a pixie cut might have that effect) but I do know that ditching the mum bob has made a huge difference to how I feel and look, and I've had lots of compliments.

This coming February I intend to treat myself to the works to celebrate how far I have come, with manicure pedicure make up lesson etc. What I am really saying is that austerity doesn't come first, you should think carefully before dieting and saying you can't have nice things until you are thin. Just treat yourself to things that make you feel better about yourself and there is a good chance the rest will follow. If there are financial constraints just shop on ebay or charity shops, and go to the local college for the beaut stuff, it can be done in a less expensive way.

Get some comfortable shoes and go for a walk in fresh air every day even if only 30 mins. Get some nice shower gel. Get your haircut and coloured. Manicure your nails. If you can't do it yourself go to nail bar. Get eyebrows shaped and eye lashes tinted. I agree get a pedicure, I always feel like I am walking on air after a pedicure. Get a couple of well fitted bras and new knickers. Moisturise your face everyday especially because it's winter. Then start to think about getting a couple of smart new outfits.

Start going on walks, try to get 10k steps in a day. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to get them done. I work from home and I’m relative inactive during the day and burn 5k.

Join a gym or sign up to a home work outs. Les mills is a good one for the gym and at home. Make yourself accountable set some time aside for a 3 times a day a week to do something. Calorie deficient has helped me lose weight. I put in macro calculator picked the first one and it gave me the calories and used my fitness pal to take. 80/20 rule is where you body can only take 80% of the nutrients in so little treats each day in your calories is allowed.

Makeup, look on YouTube or even TikTok for the latest trends. If you’ve already got foundation/ bronzer/ eye shadow use that and practice and then build up to new bits based off what you do or don’t like.For bronzer/blush brush up as it’s more flattering.

Get yourself a skincare routine, day cleansers, hydrochloric acid ( I use the ordinary super cheap) moisturiser and SPF. Then night time cleanse, eye cream/ retional/ moisturiser.

Drink plenty of water it’ll make you feel better and skin brighter.

Have some you time and just breath.

Hi OP. Congratulate yourself for getting thru the trauma . The weight can come off when you’re ready.

For you to instantly feel better I would sort out your clothes, shoes, accessories, jewellery. Look at what you have that you like.

I’m plus size. I rely on decent knickers with no VPL and good fitting bra to start with. If you’re wearing a loose top don’t wear loose bottoms. It’s makes you look bigger so if I’m wearing wide legged jeans I always wear a more fitting top/blouse and similarly if I’m wearing a longer looser smock like top/short dress I wear skinny jeans to balance it out.

Have a look on plus size websites to see if there’s a style you like for ideas. Also loads plus size people on Instagram with great ideas on outfits.

There’s loads of stuff in the sales at the moment so if you have a look at what you’ve got and identify a couple of things you think you need you might get lucky and pick up some bargains to update what you’ve got. If you don’t want to spend too much buying bigger sizes for cheap and cheerful plus size try New Look/Yours/Sainsbury’s.

I think you can never go wrong with a decent haircut and colour. Plus eyebrows make such a difference. Wax/thread/tint brows and lashes.

I use premium skincare brands now but I honestly don’t think my skin looks any better than it did when I was skint and used to use stuff at a couple of quid! I’m saying that I have always exfoliated my skin with the corner of a towel dipped in cold water! That’s very low cost! Depending on your skin type and age a decent moisturiser does wonders. You can buy tanning drops (I use Clarins) to add to your moisturiser to give you a little bit of a glow.

One step at a time OP. Be kind to yourself x