Funeral on Tuesday and I’m struggling to find something to wear

[Bertiebassetsbabe]

I have my very first funeral to attend on Thursday. It’s a burial.

I wanted to look nice for my aunty, so I ordered a few black dresses online. They arrived yesterday and none of them fit 😡 they are all too tight. I should have ordered the next size up, but I’m the same size in the shops I normally shop in.

I’ve been down the high street this morning and I’ve not been able to find anything and I’m really starting to panic.

The only thing I have in my wardrobe is a black flowery dress similar to this one

www.bonmarche.co.uk/lace-shoulder-floral-print-dress-9000098.html?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=10797497003&utm_term=&source=&gclid=CjwKCAjwk6-LBhBZEiwAOUUDp8dKagQYKU6-OgQ8_2foIcjYwKNibkR8-sIJ4JgTrp5zbtzv8lclXBoChncQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#&gid=1&pid=1

But I’m thinking this is not really suitable to a funeral.

I have a plain black cardigan if that helps.

Any help\advice would be appreciated.

@Echobelly

That would seem OK to me, but some people are a bit uptight about black at funerals - I'm Jewish and we don't have the black for funeral thing, so may not be best placed to advise!

What do Jewish people wear to funerals?

Sadly I’ve been to dozens of funerals since I was 9 onwards (almost my whole family, my partner, several close friends, clients etc).

Some were all-black affairs (my older more traditional relatives such as grandparents). Some were explicitly “wear bright colours” (most of the ones for my friends) and others it wasn’t specified so I chose to wear black & was glad I did.

At my partner’s as it was an unexpected suicide at a youngish age, we didn’t specify black, but no one came in colour as we were all too devastated to want to “celebrate his life with bright colours”. I wore a long black dress with a funnel neck & batwing sleeves. Black tights, but leopard-print ankle boots (which he’d loved me in). I’d have felt totally wrong in anything else, such was the depth of mourning.

My advice would be: if dress code hasn’t been specified, wear formal dark clothes. If your Aunty was a traditional type, wear black. If she was more modern/young and death when it came was a blessing, wear somethjng less somber (maybe purple / dark green etc).

Thanks for all your help and advice. Feeling better now.

Grey trousers with black cardi would be acceptable at any funeral I've been to. I think it depends on the culture and expectations of the immediate family.

The dress you have looks good to me. Black cardigan, black tights and shoes, black bag. Very understated and respectful.

Don't panic about buying something new just for this and try to ignore the arsehole relatives. Sorry for your loss

I think @urbanbuddha has it in a nutshell. If the deceased person mattered to you, and you attend with a respectful loving mindset, it really doesn't matter what you wear. Smart-ish and in sober colours is enough.

It was my man’s funeral recently. Mum and Dad came in the funeral car so I went to the church to check all was ok. I met and spoke to everyone of the 50 or so people who came and I couldn’t tell you what any of them were wearing. As long as you look smart and respectful you will be fine.

That outfit is nice OP and totally suitable for a funeral! I am curious though as to how you've got to adulthood and never been to a funeral!?

The dress and cardigan that you've shown hanging on the door will be perfect for your Aunty's funeral. It's smart and quite sombre, and you will look appropriate in it.
If you've got black shoes and a black bag they would finish the outfit suitably.

@CookPassBabtridge

That outfit is nice OP and totally suitable for a funeral! I am curious though as to how you've got to adulthood and never been to a funeral!?

It's not unheard of, is it? I hadn't been to a funeral until a friend's husband died six years ago, when I was in my 40s. Three of my grandparents died when I was living on the other side of the world and couldn't afford to fly back and attend their funerals. I had moved closer to the UK by the time my last grandparent died and I bought plane tickets to attend that one, hugely symbolic, funeral. I caught very bad flu two days before and couldn't get out of bed, let alone travel.

OP, both dresses are fine.

@AdaColeman

The dress and cardigan that you've shown hanging on the door will be perfect for your Aunty's funeral. It's smart and quite sombre, and you will look appropriate in it. If you've got black shoes and a black bag they would finish the outfit suitably.

My grandparents died when I was very young and didn’t attend their funerals.

I’m lucky to have got to my 40’s without having to go to one.

Sorry for your loss.

Now you have a dress sorted what coat will you wear?

Burials are cold as you stand outside. Consider your shoes also as the ground may be soft and mushy. Stiletto heels are not ideal.

Take a dark coloured umbrella if you have one too and a dark handbag.

Take double the amount of tissues you think you may need. Pocket packs are handy to give one to others who have cried through their own supply. I usually have mints too and share them when talking to family while waiting.

I take a small bottle of water if I can. Sometimes when I cry too much I feel a bit sick and just need a mouthful of something. I try to control myself though I don’t always succeed!

I suppose you will have to think of mask colour too if you are still to wear them in whatever country you are in.

@Elieza

Sorry for your loss.

Now you have a dress sorted what coat will you wear?

Burials are cold as you stand outside. Consider your shoes also as the ground may be soft and mushy. Stiletto heels are not ideal.

Take a dark coloured umbrella if you have one too and a dark handbag.

Take double the amount of tissues you think you may need. Pocket packs are handy to give one to others who have cried through their own supply. I usually have mints too and share them when talking to family while waiting.

I take a small bottle of water if I can. Sometimes when I cry too much I feel a bit sick and just need a mouthful of something. I try to control myself though I don’t always succeed!

I suppose you will have to think of mask colour too if you are still to wear them in whatever country you are in.

Luckily I have a thick black parka type coat. I have ordered some umbrella’s as the weather tomorrow is predicted to be wet.

I have some flat boots that I will wear. We don’t have to wear masks, but I’m taking black ones anyway.

Thanks again

@Bertiebassetsbabe

I’ve also found this dress in the wardrobe. I had bought it but couldn’t wear it because it was too big. I’ve put my cardigan with it.

Dh thinks I’m overthinking this and it’ll be fine.

Having never been to a funeral before, I don’t want to go and feel self conscious as a lot of family members are for want of a better word, arseholes.

I work at lots of funerals, and this outfit would be absolutely fine.

Whenever I have a funeral to go to, I always think "what would (the deceased) think?" So at my grandads funeral I wore all black because he was very strict about things like that. At my MIL's funeral, DH and I wore jeans and a smart non-black top because he knew she wouldn't care what we wore and she wanted people not to wear black.
It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What others think is their business.
FWIW I think both your dresses will look lovely with the cardigan. Sorry for your loss