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Starting again with wardrobe in mid forties

21 replies

Littlemiss74 · 28/09/2021 10:14

I had some great advice the other week about how to start again with my clothes & I have decided to try and buy fewer items but of better quality and that will work well together.

I’m still unsure where to actually shop. I could really do with a pair of black trousers as a basic item. So yesterday I popped into M&S where they must have had 20 types of black trousers. No time to try them all so I left empty handed.

A few thoughts I had were:

  • how much should I expect to pay for a pair of good quality trousers?
  • what is deemed good quality, what material should I be looking for?
  • which shops are good quality without being too expensive and would suit me, mid forties, size 12-14, curvyish apple, 5’3”
  • if I’m going to spend more per item, how long will it be before it looks dated? I don’t mind spending more but I can’t afford to replace things every time the fashion changes
  • is it possible to be comfy and stylish - am perimenopausal and have put on some weight and just feel a bit rubbish about how I’m looking. Trying to squeeze into all my size 12 clothes is not helping as I just feel uncomfortable but a size 14 is too big!

The other week I went to a funeral and after trawling the shops to try and find a black dress that would actually fit me & not cost the earth, I gave up and made do with what I had but it was a little too tight and I felt self conscious and uncomfortable. Clearly I need to lose a little weight so I’m going to try and do that. But again, how much would you spend on a staple black dress & what sort of thing won’t date quickly?

What I would like is to have certain items ready in my wardrobe so that when I need to go to eg a funeral I have it there and I’m not frantically hunting round the shops and making an impulse buy!

Lastly what to do with my existing wardrobe full of clothes that are either; a little too tight, dated, have nothing to go with. I’m tempted to try & ebay the lot but it feels like a big thing to do and I’ll be left with no clothes!

Perimenopause changes are making me feel a bit down about how i look and feel and i feel lost as to what to wear. I just want to look nice and have basic items I can pull out as needed.

Sorry so long! Any tips would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
thedevilinablackdress · 28/09/2021 12:11

Ok, that's a lot of questions, but to answer some of it...
What you spend depends on what you can afford. I love Toast for well made trousers but they are more expensive than I can afford so I get them on eBay or in sales. I look generally for cotton, linen, wool.
Cos are also good and more budget friendly. I'd pay up to £70 there for a black dress.
Donate your old stuff to charity.

ILoveShula · 28/09/2021 13:11

I wouldn't particularly recommend Toast as they tend to be cut for women taller than OP. Otherwise their clothes are good quality.

The price isn't the issue, it's do you feel good in it.

A capsule wardrobe means fewer clothes but each item has to be exactly right.

M&S is fine for a lot of things (jeans, gym clothes and shoes are good) but if you are looking for the right pair of black trousers you need to try on a few pairs.

A personal consultation at somewhere like John Lewis would probably be useful.

ILoveShula · 28/09/2021 13:25

With the clothes you already have, sort it out into similar items, and keep what fits that you like and wear. If you love anything, keep it, even if not currently trendy/in use

Items that you don't like but are in a sellable condition - charity shop or sell as bundles
Items that are worn out - rag bag

Items you never wore but were £££ - sell.

I usually wear a midi skirt with a long slim fitting jumper for funerals

I have a black cocktail dress for black-tie type events

Charity shops are great for party dresses, but look in January - October not November/December.

Have a good mac/overcoat in a neutral colour and a smart pair of knee length boots.

Floisme · 28/09/2021 13:43

Sticking to some of the trouser questions: I'm the same height as the op and Toast trousers are fine for me - in fact I've seen reviews where taller people complain they're too short . (The dresses, on the other hand, drown me.) I rate the quality and, if you hold your nerve, they can come down to half price in the sale.

I also like Cos for trousers although that's divisive on here, and I've had some decent buys from M&S, Uniqlo and (although this one not so much recently) H&M. What I find with these stores is that the quality can still be there but it's very random - I find Uniqlo particularly annoying for this - and sometimes I can't tell until I've worn and washed them.

With trousers I do need to try on more than I do with other clothes.

I find the main things that date trousers are shape, length and where the waist sits. These aren't trends that change season to season so I think you'd be unlucky not to get a few years out of them at the very least. Having said that, I've seen a lot more full length trousers around this autumn which makes me wonder if the ankle length trend might be drawing to an end (sadly for me).

Also to be honest, and at the risk of going against the grain, I'd be careful about how much you pay for any single item if you're approaching the menopause as that can reap mayhem on body shape and size. I made some allegedly investment buys around that time that turned out to be big mistakes. That's not to say you don't deserve some decent, well made clothes, but I'd bear in mind that what looks good now might not look the same in say 3 years, and pay accordingly, or not buy as much and work them very hard for a few years.

ILoveShula · 28/09/2021 14:31

I wouldn't go by price particularly - if you know you will wear it and it's perfect, yes.

A decent acrylic jumper (M&S, Tu) can be a better investment than cashmere - moths won't eat it and you can machine wash it.

I don't think I've ever ordered trousers from Toast but the dresses tend to swamp me.

thedevilinablackdress · 28/09/2021 15:01

I machine wash pretty much all my woollens and (touch wood) no moth issues. Acrylic jumpers turn me into a ball of sweaty static.
Hopefully OP finds all our different views useful Grin

Littlemiss74 · 28/09/2021 16:08

Yes this is all very helpful thank you. My skin is so sensitive I can’t wear wool or acrylic. I have spent many years wasting money on nice looking jumpers & cardigans that i then don’t wear as they are too hot or itchy. So I guess they can go to start with! It’s only now I’m starting to really think what I like and don’t like about clothes & trying to stick to it. I have a wardrobe full of random impulse sales buys. I’ve always thought why pay full price for something when you can wait for sales but of course then the stuff isn’t always right for me.

If I am to ditch the itchy jumpers & cardigans what could I wear instead in winter for warmth?

OP posts:
ILoveShula · 28/09/2021 16:09

There's acrylic and there's M&S acrylic.

I think you can get nice stuff in the high street shops. I have things from New Look , H&M and Zara that are fine. I think you need to rummage and be able to spot something that will suit your body though.

ILoveShula · 28/09/2021 16:10

Microfleece? Some of the technical stuff looks good.

ILoveShula · 28/09/2021 16:13

Uniqlo have heatech stuff and M&S have something similar too.

AppleFairy · 28/09/2021 16:13

This is a good thread and may give you inspiration

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/3797652-thanks-to-s-b-i-m-finally-winning-in-the-pursuit-of-elegance

ExConstance · 28/09/2021 16:19

Boden Richmond trousers are highly rated for work, you can usually get a good discount with codes or offers.

lindyloo57 · 28/09/2021 16:38

I can't wear wool it make me itche, so for years only wore acrylic, which always bobbles, I now find i can wear cashmere, but not a polo one as my necks to sensitive, as for your other clothing i have started to wear something I am not sure about for the day, and then decide whether to keep or it gos, its how you feel in it, I had too many things I held on to just in case but never worn, they are all now at the charity shop.

WaltzingBetty · 28/09/2021 18:39

@ExConstance

Boden Richmond trousers are highly rated for work, you can usually get a good discount with codes or offers.
Yes I have a green and a black pair. V comfy and smart

For jumpers - what about a sweatshirt style? Or otherwise a long sleeved crew neck t shirt (m&s or Uniqlo) with a jumper/cardi over it?

M&S have some nice long sleeved shirts/blouses for tucking in.

I often wear dresses as they're easy to throw on - I like Ralph Lauren from TKMaxx and whistles from eBay or in the sale

fiorentina · 28/09/2021 19:23

If jumpers make you itch I tend to wear uniqlo heattech tops under shirts or tops in winter.
I find good quality trousers in Hobbs or Jigsaw sale or also like Cos. I avoid polyester as it tends to make me sweat.
I also wear dresses for work and outside of work as they can be dressed up and down.

SingingCanary · 28/09/2021 19:43

I’ve recently lost a fairly substantial amount of weight so I’ve had to buy a completely new wardrobe. I’m 43, size 8 now, short, curvy hourglass shape. I was a size 16 carrying weight around my middle.

I started off thinking I’d buy fewer; better quality items but it hasn’t really worked out that way. I really think think that quality on the high street is much of a muchness, regardless of cost. You need to go fairly high end to get better quality.

Most of my new wardrobe has come from Zara, H&M and New Look, with a few other bits thrown in. That’s not to say everything in those shops is good, it isn’t - you have to be choosy.

I started off by making a list of things I do eg, dog walking, watching DCs play sport on freezing cold weekends, lunch out, BBQ’s, nights at the theatre, day trips etc. I wear a uniform for work so didn’t have to think about that.

Then I thought about what I wanted to wear for each thing, including the right shoes and coat. I’ve spent so many years wearing something because it fits, not really feeling comfortable or like I’ve not got the dress code quite right.

Then I made a list and went shopping! It’s probably taken a few months of fairly regular shopping trips, lots of online orders and trying things on. If something hasn’t been perfect, it’s gone back. I want to feel like everything in my wardrobe works well for me and with everything else I own. I’ve also tried to stick to a few colours for separates so everything works together.

I worked out which shops are best for me. Trousers and jeans seem to have mostly come from M&S. I like their Lily jeans which come in extra short which works for me and their Mom jeans. I also have their jersey trousers which come in tapered 7/8 length and wide leg in a few colours. They have a bit of stretch in, reasonably heavy weight and only £15. Look good with trainers and plain T-shirt or smartened up with a blazer.

Basic T-shirt’s etc have been mostly H&M and lots of dresses from New Look - their petite range is actually really good. I’ve also got some lovely bits from Tesco.

If you’re worried about being fashionable, I think footwear makes a huge difference and can completely change an outfit.

To try and answer some of your questions, I don’t think price always reflects quality, so don’t think you need to spend more. Trousers, I’d go for jersey or something with a bit of stretch if your are between sizes. Nothing feels worse than a waistband digging in. Fashions for basics probably change every 2 years I’d say, although some items seem to look good for years. I’ve had some bits in my wardrobe for 15 years that finally fit again and look great, but most of the things I’d kept looked dated and went in the charity bag

My go to black dress was kimono style. Flared 3/4 sleeves, sat just above me knee, loose, but with an attached belt that tied at the back. Im still on the lookout for something similar.

You absolutely can be comfortable and stylish. It might just need a bit of though. Good luck OP.

TheBullfinch · 28/09/2021 20:04

Firstly, clear your wardrobe of anything unsuitable (decide what to do with it later).

Decide what you need by doing a lifestyle wheel. 50% office wear? 30% casual wear? 10% sports wear? 10% party /going out clothes / holiday wear? Shop accordingly and spend your money on work wear in that case.

So, you're a petite apple. Are you light or dark, cool or warm?

Once you find out, choose a pallet of about 5 neutrals - these will form your 'staples' and be most expensive and classic. Think wool coats, leather bags, leather shoes, good trainers, wool trousers/proper jeans like Paige, cashmere. etc..

Then get some basics in a few colours, red, white, blue, green, grey etc.. Like t-shirts, shirts, tops, hoodies.

Then get accessories, gold, silver jewellery, belts, scarves, hats etc..

If you look on YouTube there's loads of help. Try The Concept Wardrobe and minimalist style.

BlueCowWonders · 28/09/2021 20:23

If I am to ditch the itchy jumpers & cardigans what could I wear instead in winter for warmth?
I've said this in a recent thread but will repeat here- M&S school cardi/ jumpers. Pure cotton in plenty of autumn/ winter colours and no itching ever. My favourite is a slightly over sized burgundy cardi with pockets but I also have closer fitting ones too.

ILoveShula · 28/09/2021 20:36

You can wear a t-shirt under a brushed cotton shirt to keep warm

Middleagedfrog · 28/09/2021 21:45

Agree with @Floisme and shape changing due to the menopause. I've filled a bag with clothes that no longer fit anymore and they arn't that old, such a shame.

Blueink · 01/10/2021 07:31

About the sizing - shops use a person to model their clothes on, depending on the model clothes of the same size can fit differently so definitely worth trying on from different shops. Hobbs trousers are really good.
The other thing is find a local seamstress, often dry cleaners have one. Then it doesn’t matter if something is a bit big, you can have it altered and it makes a huge difference for example trousers to your length and shoes, sleeves on a jacket.

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