What footwear with black skinny (sorry) jeans for a first date?

[Catouttahell]

Please can someone advise as I'm out of touch with what's acceptable...

I'm 40, live in sensible work shoes and trainers. Have a first date for the first time in years and I've no idea what to wear, but mainly on my feet. I'm not great in heels. 5'3. Help please?!!

You were right- I should have taken clothes to change into. Didn't feel so romantic in work clothes half an hour after a meeting... He said he sensed something was a bit different and we had a bit of a disagreement over it. Amazing the power that clothing can have!

How do you mean? What sort of disagreement? Over your clothes?!

Not over clothes, but he didn't text for a good few hours after we got home and seemed cooler than before, so I said sorry I didn't think I was what he was looking for, and he said that I seemed more distant than on Friday night. I think it stemmed from work clothes and having work on my mind.

It's all a bit involved already... He called asking what I was looking for because he worried that I don't have time in my life for a relationship and after a chat we made it up. But anyway, if we make it to our next date on Fri I'll be back in skinny jeans and something more attractive... I might be too old for this.

after two dates? He's coming across as hard work very quickly.

I know, he is rather intense... but I like him I know I should be wary. He said he's told all of his best friends about me and I'm what he's been waiting for... but he's also said he's not like most men like him, looking for a WAG, and he likes that I don't have surgery and all of that superficial stuff. I explained that this wasn't really a compliment. But I do like him. He's clever and interesting. I'll give it a little longer and see how the balance goes.

French men can come across a bit full on, it's just the way they are. I wouldn't read too much into it! If you like each other, that's a good start...

I loved the way Camille Cotton looked in Call my agent…. Not that you should change your style because he’s French. You need to do you. I’m keen on ankle boots - probably with a Cuban heel. You can pair with an elevated shirt ( I have a cream silk one) and a nice jacket. (Blazer?) or a fine sweater with a leather jacket.

I'm glad to hear you say that. I'm hoping that's all it is. Because he was so intense after the first date I'm more nervous about the weight of expectation and worrying he'll be disappointed by something and it'll be an awkward let down. I'll try to be more optimistic and put it down to culture.

I'll look that up Divebar. I have all of those things except the leather jacket- but something similar. I need to dig out all of the non mum and work clothes and create a new capsule wardrobe around them that allows me to feel more sexy, less sensible.

I was going to suggest pointy flats if you’re not good in heels ?

Thanks. We were due to go out on Friday and he'd been texting lots but then he messaged yesterday morning at 7am, I replied, and then nothing since. So I guess not.

The french are super casual and think we brits are way too overdressed! Whenever I go for dinner or drinks here with girlfriends we get stared at if we are ‘dressed up’ by UK standards. French women wear A LOT of black. So don’t feel put out by the need to dress up if he’s french- honestly you could wear jeans, smart trainers or boots, a casual top, nice coat/jacket & ‘faux natural’ hair & make up - that’s the most french look going. Unless he is older 60+ french bourgeoisie in which case their wives are mostly like tiny velociraptors in tiny dresses and cardigans, heels, super tanned with tons of make up. If yes from the South i imagine his own style will be quite chilled, maybe jeans & a shirt! Unless you’re going to a super fancy place I’d veer on the side of casual xox

I love the image of tiny velociraptors! I can picture exactly what you mean, and the little (coloured tweed with white?) dresses. He's 44 and not from that world. But seems to have binned me from a height, so I won't need to worry