How to reinvent a non fashionable frumpy 40 year old?

[FrankieDobie]

I’ve never been into fashion. When I was 13/14 I used to go through my mums catalogue making wish lists of clothes that would be best to walk a dog in. I’ve always lived on scruffy jeans and t-shirts.
I’ve just turned 40 and am having a bit of a mid life crisis, I’ve decided to make an effort but I’ve got no idea how! I’ve just ordered 2 pairs of “slim” jeans from Next (I usually wear skinny) but the ankles seem massive! Is this what people are wearing these days? With what shoes? I’m 5ft 10 so don’t want to wear heels 😭

Also, I’ve had the same hairstyle since I was 11. Tied back in a pony tail (yes I did say I’m 40 now), what type of hairstyle should I be looking at to freshen myself up??

AIBU to literally have no idea how to make myself look decent?? I’m so frumpy and I’m sick of it. I’m a size 14 if that makes any difference.

I actually went shopping today with the sole aim buying some non-skinny jeans. I tried on loads of pairs and eventually settled on Next ones, which were among the cheapest I tried. I just found them the most comfy and flattering. Waist enhancer slim high rise for £32.

Exactly my point @PalacesOfMontezuma

Certainly you need a minimum level of quality. So Matalan for example just are not as well made, don’t have the details etc.

But there comes a point where quality is ok, and then fit and style take over… probably somewhere around next.

I mean by all means spend £100+ on a pair of jeans… but in a whole wardrobe refresh situation I think you’re better with three pairs of cheaper ones in different styles/colours whilst you find out what you really like or not and decide where to go next for ‘investment’ pieces.

I think Pinterest would be a good place to start getting an idea of clothes for your age and height.

@VerveClique

I don't know what your financial situation is, but give yourself a good budget if you can. If you are looking at high-street staples (Next, M&S, H&M, TK Maxx etc) then try for £500 to £1000 and buy lots of mix and match pieces. Buying a couple pairs of jeans and a new top or two will just not have the desired effect.

Firstly, pick your favourite neutral and stick to it - so ideally navy or black, or it could be brown or grey. EVERYTHING you buy has to go with this. You can branch out into additional neutrals later.

Then buy yourself:

2 or 3 pairs of jeans
A pair of smart trousers - warmish
2 casual jumpers / sweaters
A denim skirt or pinafore (or both)
4 well-fitting short-sleeve tshirts
A light denim or other light shirt
3 or 4 long sleeve tshirts / polo necks
A belt
A cardigan of some sort, short enough to go under the coats
A weatherproof coat
Some new socks
Some casual trainers / pumps that go with everything
A couple of pairs of nice thick tights, try knitted, something with a bit of colour
A pair of flattish ankle boots that go with everything
A smarter, longer coat
A large thin scarf
A chunky winter scarf, hat and gloves
A casual handbag
A smarter handbag
A couple of pieces of 'funky' costume jewellery

Everything MUST fit and match. Don't worry too much about the quality for now. Aim to get all of the above over 2-3 shopping trips (NOT online!) - try everything on and only buy things you feel comfortable in straight away.

Wear all of this over the autumn / winter and then gradually replace with things you like better / seasonal pieces / better quality items or as things wear out.

Like a PP has said, get a good hair consultation.

Get newer up-to-date glasses if you wear them.

Take EVERYTHING out of our wardrobe and ONLY put back things that you feel good in, will definitely wear, and are in good condition - get rid of everything else. Put out-of-season stuff away till next year.

Just do a small amount of upping your game on skin and hair - e.g. some sort of style everyday (mum bun for cleaning / gym only), moisturise, minimal makeup / lip balm, look after your nails etc.

I guarantee you will feel loads better.

This exactly the advice I've been looking for!! Not my post but thank you.

You're welcome!

Looking forward to hearing from OP now!

I would take a different approach to @VerveClique

Whilst it’s a great capsule wardrobe there remains a high risk of looking frumpy with those combinations depending on the items you pick.

As we’re going into winter I’d focus on one outfit you feel great in plus a good coat and boots. Buy some magazines (don’t go for high end fashion) something like Red or Grazia and see what looks you like.

Are you drawn to teddy bear coats or leather jackets? Long wool coats it a trench style Mac?

That’s wear to start.

A few years ago I had my colours done, and asked advice about my body shape/ clothes styles to go for. That really influences me now - it’s definitely about both - clothes in the right colour/ wrong style still look wrong on a person.

Body shape is really important- if you can work out yours - you can Google pics of celebs with similar shape- it’s just ideas.

Personality also comes into it. I don’t like fussy clothes - they overwhelm me (I’m not that big)- and I just don’t like frills etc.

There’s info on the internet on all of this - even if you don’t get it exactly right, you’ll get better over time. You probably have a rough idea of colours you feel good in - then it’s about the shade of that colour. I suit colours with underlying warmth in them - warm blues rather than cool blues.

You can also go on sites like John Lewis (and probably Next), and save clothes to a wish list. You’re not buying them - just exploring them. I check the ones I like - then go back and look more critically. I definitely don’t buy them all, but it’s fun to look, and sometimes you get a bargain/ surprise that really works.

I wouldn’t buy too much, too quickly. Start with some purchases that you feel can’t go wrong (jeans/ nice top) and build your confidence.

I'm 5ft11, 12/14 and mid-40s, and all about flats and comfort.
Daily (dog walks/WFH) I usually wear M&S tall boyfriend jeans rolled up, with trainers (leopard print or white leather) and this time of year a Uniqlo merino jumper in one of my favourite colours (navy/berry/light grey). Uniqlo gilet on top for warmth.
For office days, I wear wide leg trousers (Next/M&S do excellent tall versions) in a heavyweight fabric with leather trainers/brogues and a fitted top and maybe a jersey blazer or denim jacket if it's a casual work meeting.
My hair's mid length wavy/curly and rather than a ponytail I tend to twist/ pin it back in loose sections (loads of tutorials on youtube,) which I think suits me better than a bun/ponytail.
For me, natural fabrics are a must, decent quality material and a good cut are essential.
I always wear mascara and do my brows, some under eye highlighter and a little tinted moisturiser and cream blusher; takes minutes but makes me feel prepped.