Name changed cause frankly it's embarrassing...
I am 12 weeks postnatal. Still look 6 months pregnant, with a massive diastasis (hello, 3rd child!) so my abs are ripped but in the literal 'resembling a deep canyon' way rather than 'the six pack' meaning of the phrase. Have the world's hungriest baby so at any given moment boobs are either huge or, err, kind of flattened (??) or (my personal favourite) one of each! Skin is sensitive and itchy all over so can't bear to wear anything tight or scratchy and can't do the normal hoik-em-up bra scaffolding due to both that and aforementioned breastfeeding feast-or-famine situation.
This is all fine, in that I'm 12 weeks postnatal and it's a marathon not a sprint, but I have my mum's 75th coming up and my daughter's 5th birthday party and I would just like to look not like a completely broken women in a potato sack at both of these events.
In my head I would like: a patterned, fairly brightly coloured dress; v-necked (this bosom is far from roll-neck ready); button-down to the waist (for feeding the world's hungriest baby) but not below (because buttons anywhere near my belly button will just gape); something that gives me a bit of a shape without making me look still pregnant; loose-fitting (obviously); not so long that I trip over it running to stop a small child from throwing themselves off a climbing frame but not so short that it shows everything when another small child decides to put his or her head under my skirt for the LOLs.
Does this exist? Probably not, right? Can anyone save me from another set of photos where I'll look back and sigh at the too-big maternity jeans and yet another oversized baggy t-shirt?