Style advice needed: menopausal aged 43

[EssexLioness]

I am really struggling with working out how to dress my menopausal body. I am suffering from lack of confidence and low mood and this isn’t helping as I feel I have lost my style.
I am 43 and my go to is vintage inspired eg 40s tea dresses, 50s dresses, Capri pants. I like bright colours and vintage prints, in a summer colour palette.
I am a curvy size 12 but now my stomach is huge. I get very bloated and also have a lot of stomach fat that refuses to budge no matter what I do. Floaty styles don’t help this as they make me look much larger than I am and are very unflattering.
I also struggle regulating my body temperature. I am freezing cold most of the time except when I am having a hot flush. Dressing in layers makes sense but cardigans, tunics etc look really frumpy on me.
Many of my clothes are from Hell Bunny, Collectif, Lindy Bop etc. I have a few nice dresses that still look ok as they skim my tummy but I am stuck for Autumn/ Winter wear. I really need a nice pair of trousers for church/ going out and it’s a struggle to find one that fits over my hips and stomach well. I want something with a vintage vibe, but not really wide legs.
At the moment I am spending too much time in leggings, hoodies etc but my natural style is quite smart and I just feel miserable and not myself. Any help or links would be much appreciated. Budget isn’t a big issue, though I don’t like spending silly money on clothes. Would prefer good quality that will last me

Watching for advice!

I'm in pretty much the same situation though I'm a little bit older, 46

I got some dungarees recently which I've worn with nice stripy t shirts and they made me feel good because they skimmed my awful tummy.

I wear mid length jersey type dresses with tights or bare legs for work.

Can't wear jeans as my tummy is too swollen

I feel like I have nothing to wear for days off but my wardrobe is bursting with clothes that don't fit anymore.

@FrameyMcFrame, I’m the same with jeans. I am not a fan of dungarees unfortunately as they would solve some of the problems (I think they are a bit marmite: people either love or hate them). I’ve looked online for advice but a lot of the articles seem to give fsshion advice for those older/ not interested in style. Midi dresses suit me, but jersey ones seem to cling in an unflattering way. I’ve got a couple of nice play suits for the summer but I have nothing at all suitable for colder weather that looks good!

Surely someone has some advice???

I mainly live in dungarees 😬, I’m almost 40 and just had gynae surgery which seems to have left me being bloated and my tummy is just a different shape than it was. Shops I like….
Thunder egg
Lucy and yak
Minimum mouse
Run and fly
Fat face (but only a few items)
M&S (living in their combat trousers)
Hush

@FrameyMcFrame thanks for the bump! 😊

Thanks @Lovemusic33. I haven’t heard of some of those shops so will check them out!

My advice would be to find a good dressmaker & get some dresses and trousers made. Your taste is so specific that it'd probably be a really good investment.

@ScribblingPixie thank you. I hadn’t thought of that. Was planning on getting a couple of dresses altered so could enquire at the same time.

It's expensive, but I think you might like some of the items at Bombshell HQ?

I love this - super spendy though www.bombshellhq.com/products/navy-grace-tie-front-shirt-dress?variant=32578348744784&currency=GBP&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Product+Ads+Remarketing+60+days+New+Feed+%7C+Conversion+%7C+Campaign+Bidding&utm_content=11.20+%7C+Product+Ads+-+Join+Text+%7C+Dynamic&utm_term=Viewed+or+ATC+but+not+purchased+-+60+days+%E2%80%93+In+Stock+%28No+Capes%29+-++%7C+Warm&fbclid=IwAR3sFV5owaZYd6CXEgQPbo6AV-nCaMPFpwtNdlS9Ps8zmZiRw__kLRRfMhw

Or maybe something more like this if you like vintage style prints? The whole 'For the love of pockets' range is gorg www.bombshellhq.com/products/palm-print-for-the-love-of-pockets-dress

@EssexLioness I know this is totally not answering your question but have you had your thyroid checked? I had an early menopause too and started peri menopausal symptoms around 40. At the same time I developed an underactive thyroid. They can both be interlinked and are often diagnosed at the same time in menopausal women. My symptoms were feeling tired, cold and I had the worst stomach bloating ever. My symptoms are hugely improved now I'm on HRT (essential if early menopause) and levothyroxine.
Ignore if your health is all under control 😂

Fit and flare dresses might also work for you. Emily and Fin has some lovely prints emilyandfin.co.uk/collections/our-favourites/products/florence-mini-summer-oranges-dress

Nancy Dee's wrap dresses work too and most have a vintage vibe nancydee.co.uk/collections/dresses/products/elizabeth-wrap-dress-caramel-orchid-print

Trousers are trickier. I find giving my measurements to a J Lewis personal shopper (they're free) really helps. Otherwise Winser Miracle Trousers are a failsafe. The whole 'column of colour' trick really works too. Google it!

You’d said that you wouldn’t like wide leg- but I really think some flat fronted wise leg jeans/pants would look great on you. Especially those with the side buttons like sailor trousers. They sit higher on the tummy and over your belly button. Very skimming and slimming.

Pair with cotton fine gauge crew neck jumper and then add one of those fake clip on Lacy collars for an everyday look? Hand M did the collars.

Search around on Pinterest- sailor trouser outfit

I am in a similar situation to you OP - early menopause and quite drastically changed body shape. It was making me feel pretty blue. I am finding I can't get away with not exercising and have really had to move away from pasta/rice. Otherwise I lose my waist and get a big belly. I also can't drink much booze any more. Like you, I'm trying to rediscover a sense of myself as an attractive woman - this blogger had some good ideas 40plusstyle.com/the-best-pants-and-skirts-to-fit-and-hide-your-belly/. It's also worth looking for 40 plus stylistas on Instagram. There are some good ones out there. Choosing people to follow who are a bit older than you helps psychologically too, for some reason. It's a bit, "Look - she's 60 and she's cool!:

I can sympathise OP, I think I'm entering peri menopause and can feel my body changing, especially my tummy.

Have you looked at Joanie clothing? They do vintage inspired dresses and clothes.

Hi everyone, thanks for the links. @Snowdrop30I love Bombshell and promised myself I would treat myself to one when I’ve lost the remainder of my weight. I also love the Emily and Fin dress. I do spend a lot of time in Fit and Flare dresses but my problem is layering them up. If I add a camisole it’s hard to remove and cardigans, even fitted cropped ones just look frumpy on me (I like them on other people). I do try to wear dresses with at least half sleeves which helps, but then of course I regret that in the middle of a flush!
I love those trousers @Atalune but have always shied away from wide trousers. I had some palazzo pants a while ago and they made me look enormous but the structured shape of these, with a fitted top could work. I think I need to order some to try on and see.
@BobaFettOnMyBedsideTable
yes I love the look of Joanie clothes too though I’ve never ordered from them.
Good idea to check out 40 plus instagrammed so will do that and have a look at that blog.
I am the same with pasta/ rice/ bread etc. I only have a small portion at night now and no complex carbs during the day. I also don’t drink and have cut loads of things out including sugar, caffeine, artificial sweeteners and processed foods.
@imstilljenny2 thank you, I had a full MOT and everything else including thyroid levels were fine. I have had IBS for years though and this has worsened in my 40s which obviously doesn’t help with bloating.

Totally get the cardigan issue with frocks. I use jersey blazers instead which are that little bit sharper (Whistles do great ones) or biker jackets (when appropriate - love the Baukjen ones. Generally - jackets are your friend! Long belted cardigans and trench coats are also splendid.

Let me know how you get on! I also get smart trousers made for me (£80 local tailor), or I go for more tailored, heavier weight clothing. If you like something a bit vintage (we have similar tastes), you might want to think of tweed which, if tailored right, can look v cute, is warm for winter, and actually quite forgiving. I love Walker Slater's stuff.

There's some good flat fronted trousers in Totty Rocks too (run by a fab and v friendly seamstress, so you could always ask her to leave the detailing off the front). But personally, I've been lusting after a Commander coat for the winter. This plus some NYDJ black jeans and block heeled boots, and I think I could swish deliciously tottyrocks.bigcartel.com/product/2-tone-commander-coat

I'm 43, size 14/16 And in Perimenopause.

I also live in a hot country. I have had to rule out anything fitted in the summer. I have had no choice but to embrace floaty dresses in Jersey fabrics. I have some nice ones from Peacocks.

If I'm pushing the boat out I have a couple of wrap dresses from Desigual. I like the Lacroix collection. If you are into vintage stuff or colourful things that are slightly different it might be worth a look especially in the sale.

I also like Boden. Whilst I'm yet to find trousers from anywhere I do like their jumpsuits.

I also second getting stuff made or altered and totally with you about the leggings thing!

@Snowdrop30 thank you so much for all the advice and links. I really appreciate it! 😊 I never even thought of adding a blazer instead of a cardigan. That would be much better! Also hadn’t thought of longer belted cardigans - think that should work well too. Shorter length cardigans over dresses just instantly make me look matronly. I adore trenchcoats and live in them during Spring/ Autumn.
I do like tweed and ADORE that coat you linked to. But I’m vegan so don’t wear tweed/ wool etc. Not heard of Totty Rocks before but will go and have a proper browse on that website. Totally seems like we have the same sort of taste in clothes - think this post (and you 😆) are gonna cost me a small fortune!

@mrsnec cross posted there! Thank you. Boden do some nice staple pieces and I like the quality. I will check out Desigual too. It does sound like getting stuff made/ altered is something I should consider in the future.

Sorry @EssexLioness! I'm 46 now and started peri at 42. I felt the same way you do and didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. It's taken me a few years of researching bits and pieces to get to this point, so I may as well share it. What I do now is make a list of clothes labels and styles that 'work' for me - and ignore everything else, because it just ends up making me feel bad. And you should have some clothes you feel terrific in! Alice Fawkes is another very forgiving brand. Do post again, whenever you fancy it, and we can compare notes!

Insta wise, I like Alyson Walsh thatsnotmyage.com/tag/instagram/

Not sure if I am brave enough to pull off a looser jumpsuit with biker/sharp blazer, but it looks fab on her!