I hate the way I look

[BB8sm8]

I’ve just turned 40 and am trying to relax into my own style, but I can’t away from the fact that I hate the way I look & I don’t really know what to do to change that. I’m at stone overweight, having spent the last 18 months grabbing what food I could & drinking too much in between shifts to cope with the stress of work. Since having Covid, my once thick hair is falling out consistently. Most days I can’t bear or look in the mirror & actively avoid my reflection: I look at worn out & unkempt as I feel. I like Hush & that style of dressing, but I look like a sack of potatoes in clothes like that. I used to wear a lot of Joules & tried to emulate that preppy yummy mummy look but I’m too fat for that now. I’ve been signed off work for 4 weeks & I’m taking the opportunity to exercise most days & clean up my diet. I’d love to dress with confidence, but live in joggers & a Mum bun. Has anyone got any advice on where to start?!

Can you afford to get a manicure? Nice nails always makes me feel 100% better and more polished.
Also avoid alcohol at all costs, it does nothing for your skin! Clean up the diet and you will positively glow

Sorry can I clarify… you think you are a stone overweight?

Maybe try and follow some Instagrammers whose clothes style you like and think you could pull off. Try Stitch Fix? Shorter hair cut and some highlights? I'm older than you (about to turn 50) and definitely look better after doing the above. I've also got into a good but easy exercise routine.

I actually think most people look like a bag of potatoes in Hush clothing. They're not very flattering!

Good hair cut
Nice clothes - agree look at instagram and see what you like. If you wear slobby joggers you feel slobby
A bit of make up
Eyebrows
A bit of jewellery
Some exercise every day - get in the fresh air. Even just a walk to start with, But couch to 5k also good, some yoga, whatever would work for you.
Get a good night's sleep every night. Go to bed earlier if necessary.
Start eating healthily - start by not buying crap food, having some days without alcohol, tracking on myfitnessPal maybe.
Stop putting yourself down - telling yourself you are ugly won't be helping you feel better! (If you think you are depressed, then maybe seek help)

Yes Divebar I gained weight over the lockdowns but unlike in my 20s I’m finding it difficult to shift! I’ve never had my nails done professionally before, that’s worth a try. Lazylinguist what exercise do you do?

I actually think most people look like a bag of potatoes in Hush clothing. They're not very flattering!

I wonder what your basis for comparison is?

@BB8sm8

Yes Divebar I gained weight over the lockdowns but unlike in my 20s I’m finding it difficult to shift! I’ve never had my nails done professionally before, that’s worth a try. Lazylinguist what exercise do you do?

Shorter sharper intense bursts of exercise is best.

30 minute hiit sessions rather than long runs etc. Incorporate some weights.

Stop drinking alcohol. It is undoubtedly one of the main causes of your weight gain, and as you get older, the alcohol really starts to work against you in nearly every aspect of your healthy and appearance.

Sugar also is something to cut back on. Terrible for skin.

Lazylinguist what exercise do you do?

I agree with ActonSquirrel - I used to run quite a lot and it did surprisingly little for my weight or shape. I gave up running due to repeated niggly injury problems. My tactic these days is little and often - much easier to stick to!

I do a fast, hilly 45 min dog walk every day (have to walk him anyway!). Fast enough to sweat and raise heart rate. When I get back I do either 15 mins yoga or weights (I alternate days). I've done a bit of yoga on and off for years, but the weights seem to be making a real difference to my weight/figure and make me feel great!

The only reason I ask is because a single stone is not that great a deal unless you’re about 3feet tall. I appreciate that it’s how you feel but it’s not a massive amount. I’m more than 2 stone overweight now but I’ve already lost 2 stone so psychologically I don’t feel dragged down by it. I think you need to perk yourself up mood wise and the best way of doing that is by walking everyday. Getting outside in the fresh air and striding out. Obviously if you’re used to exercise you can do higher intensity work outs if you feel up to it but you can get great physical boosts from doing something. Other than that what makes you feel good about yourself? I invested a bit of extra time of nice skincare and got my eyebrows shaped and tinted. I also got an Olaplex treatment on my hair and started to use their treatments at home. I also got a manicure & pedicure although it’s not my usual thing to do. You’ve been ill so you need to cut yourself some slack. Your body is going to take a little while to recover so make sure you feed it with a broad range of whole foods - lots of fruits and veg, whole grains etc. You can do this … be kind to yourself.

Thank you, I’m so angry with myself for gaining the weight & reaching for quick fixing over the past year, I feel like that weakness shows every time I look in the mirror. Any recommendations on where to look for good quality, simple clothes? That’s the style I’d like to wear.

If you want to weigh less you need to look at the eating side of the equation, but one stone is not too much to lose. I have done yoga for years but since February I've been doing pilates too and for the first time in many years (if ever) I have got a nicely defined waist. The classes are good for me, I've met some new people, and I can feel my strength and posture improving, it is something you might want to give a try.