How can I have nice hair?

[Arsebucket]

Trivial I know, but it’s getting me down.

Is there anyway I can sort my hair out at home?

I had beautiful reddish brown hair, but I started to go grey at 30. So I stated dying it. I can’t afford to go to a hair dresser, so it was home dyes.

About 7 years ago, I really messed up and dyed it too dark.

and it’s stayed that way.

I’m now entirely grey under the dye, and my hair is a mess of different dyes (all dark brown, I stick to the same brand but it’s awful). They grey comes through so fast, ideally I would need to do roots every 3 weeks but Incant afford to buy a box of dye that often.

I don’t want to go grey, I’d look terrible.

I want lighter hair again, the dark brown just drags me down.

I’ve not done anything for a couple of months and now I have a halo of three inches of grey/white around my head, crappy dark dye on the rest. I feel so terrible about myself.

Like I said, I really can’t afford a hairdresser (I go for an £8 dry trim once a year, there’s no way I’d ever be able to afford to get it sorted professionally we’re just not in the position to).

How can I sort it at home? I’m 41 and I just feel like an old woman.

@MoltonSilver

Box colours almost always come out darker than expected. Put in a dark blonde if you want light brown.

Don’t I know it...this all started years ago when I used dark brown which ended up black! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Hi, I normally only view but i logged in to reply, I have done the exact same thing as you, and as much grey, I am 38. so when i dyed my roots the usual dark brown, it went black, I have been dying every 2 weeks for years, so basically what i think has happened to your hair is that its now so porous, so for any dye I choose it needs to be Ash light brown - which comes out dark brown.
and here's what i have tried,
Vitamin c tablets about 20 crushed (or powder, even those you mix with water to make a orange Vit C drink) mixed with dandruff shampoo or any cheap clarifying shampoo, you can add Dawn dishsoap, ( I'am in the usa but from the uk) so fairy ? mix it all up and apply to wet hair, leave 20-40 mins, this will lift some of the dark dye out- deep condition, I did this 3 times over a week left it a very warm reddish brown. you must condition though- no damage but felt dry-ish. check out youtube for this, there are many video's.

also i second the temporary colour- I miss the UK for this very reason there are only 1 brand you can get in the store over here and its rubbish. you might need to mix a few of the temp colours to get the shade you want.
I am going through the exact same process so currently i am using a temporary semi in a gold/light brown to tint only my greys, as its semi with no peroxide it wont lift my own colour,

I'm sorry you feel so down about it, I know alot of people say its only hair but if its important to you then its important you feel good about yourself,

p/s I am no hairdresser and i have only just gone through it all tried and tested made many mistakes, - also i make my own colour depositing conditioner with a white conditioner, and mix in some of the semi/wash in wash out colours, much cheaper than the brands like Overtone etc which can be about $40 here,

@tabletipper thank you so much for the advice!

i will definitely be using lighter shades from now on.

I would suggest a permanent dark ash blonde after stripping the colour. L'Oreal dyes are good . This should give you a light brown and the ash tones will neutralise the copper tones.

Just to add, you don't need to use a whole box of dye to touch up roots. Keep and wash out the plastic bottle from your dye kit and decant a small amount from the dye and developer into it each time. (Roughly equal measures of each). Reseal the rest of the unmixed bottle of developer and dye firmly and they can be used again.

I can make one box dye last for three root touch ups this way.

@NoYOUbekind

My friend's hair is the same as yours, she is best friends with a home hairdresser which helps with cost, but up until this year she's had her hair professionally dyed dark brown every 6 weeks for 20 years!

However, over lockdown she decided to let it go natural. What she did was get all the colour stripped out, then she bleached it blonde. Then she had highlights put through to blend the old blonde with the grey coming through, then kept going with that, keeping it short but blending it in regularly for about 6 months. At that point the roots were long enough to just have toners and cuts, toners and cuts. It took her 18 months but now it's all grey and she looks amazing.

However, if you can't face the grey, you could strip and bleach at home and just keep doing that? Once she went blonde it all became a lot easier.

My mum has done something along these lines now and it looks amazing!!! The blonde is meshing with the grey and just looks so natural and really chic! Mum is only mid 50s and it definitely doesn't age her one bit!

Could you possibly afford one professional appointment to strip the color and get you on the right track? I know you said you don't like the grey but meshed with blonde I really do think it looks so beautiful!

my skin is actually quite dark (I’m half indian, half irish, got dark skin from my mum and the red in my hair from my dad!), so blonde/grey would be too light for my skin.

ex hairdresser here. Unfortunately you are not going to remove the darker bits without bleaching. My advice would be if you are going to try remove the colour yourself do it slowly. Yes you might look ginger for a while but it will be worth it. Remove some then wait a couple of weeks before giving it another go. in between really deep condition your hair. Then you want to try a dark blonde. Most shades will come out a few shades darker than on the box so going for a dark blonde will give a nice light/medium brown.

If you don't want to use bleach maybe try a colour depositing mousse. Its just like a styling mousse but with colour in. This will help you to grow it out a bit but can work out pricey in the long run. Oh and Use gloves!

Good luck

When I started to go grey, from mid brown, I tried an ash blonde semi permanent colour, I thought would only affect the grey. It turned all my hair a lighter brown, I carried on using it, when the brown washed out, it was blonde underneath, so a semi permanent colour eventually becomes permanent. So try a semi permanent lighter colour,
and see how affects yours?

@Arsebucket

Not a great photo but this is the front of my head.

The lighter bits are my natural hair colour, the rest grey and then the back all the awful, dark dye.

Short bits at the front as I have a baby, I lost a lot of hair afterwards and it’s growing back with lots of grey and a bit of my natural colour.

First of all, you’re being much, MUCH too hard on yourself. Second, what you want and what you can afford and what you can reasonably expect are three different things. We ALL want perfect hair and perfect skin and perfect figures and perfect nails and for God’s Sake — perfect lives but none of us have it all. I went grey at 30. I hated it and kept myself blonde for years - until I got really ill and ended up in a care home for three looong years. No more lovely blonde hair for me. No more perfect life or lovely family, either - they abandoned me. (See? Someone always has it worse than you - and I’m positive there are those here who’ve had it way worse than I.) So I embraced the silver hair, used purple shampoo & conditioner - and lo & behold, people (WOMEN) complimented me on it. I’ve kept it, too, because my friends all know exactly how old I am and I was never the future “95 yr old blonde” type. I played the hand I was dealt, with no money, and honestly, no desire to be so fussy any more. So here’s a suggestion: try it. Just try going the white/silver route for a while - long enough to save up for a proper salon visit. Buy some purple shampoo & conditioner (that helps it to stay bright & keeps the yellow out) and give yourself and your hair a break. Whatever you decide, please take it easy on yourself. You’re a lovely young woman who doesn’t deserve to be this hard on herself.

I’m 48 and during covid times I’ve let my grey hair grow, after 15 months I had my long half grey half died hair cut and styled. I now have a cute ‘Italian Bob’ and my hair is all white/grey and I love it!! I’ve also received compliments. I feel so much more in control and relaxed about my hair now.

I know I’m a good few years older than you but just wanted to let you know that I’ve found going shorter and grey so liberating.

I use L’Oreal Paris magic retouch temporary root concealer-spray. Is it available in the Uk? It looks really natural and washes out when you shampoo your hair.

I have the same problem as you with my grey hair.

It is, @Oceanbliss, available at Boots and Superdrug. I agree it's really good, and gives volume as well

I know some people love grey hair! I’m sure you look great, but it’s just not for me I’m afraid. Same with short hair, I had a short bob a few years ago and I felt awful, it doesn’t suit me.

Waiting until payday, i’ll try the colour remover route, and as someone has said upthread, leave a week or so and do it again. Luckily no one ever sees me, so it’s just me, dh and the kids that will see it.

I like country colour hair dye you can buy from ebay. Its semi permanent so doesn't last long but it is kind to my curly grey hair. You may have to use a few times to get an even tone. Or maybe strip the colour out with something but it can be harsh.

Ah OP go easy on yourself, it's crap after the Yr we've had. I've not fully dyed my hair yet but the greys are coming up thick & fast. You've had good tips from everyone so good luck with this.

You sound really low, are you looking after yourself & eating well etc? I think you'd benefit mentally from a salon visit so could you request salon vouchers/money for xmas/birthday? I know you can't afford it now but it's something you can work towards. Do a couple of car boot sales/ put old stuff on fb sites and put the cash towards a salon visit. It's a long term goal but I think you deserve it.

This is a lovely colour OP. It looks quite basic but once on it’s a lovely colour, no hard red in it, but still warm.

www.superdrug.com/Hair/Hair-Colourants/Permanent-Hair-Dye/Excellence-Creme-6-3-Light-Golden-Brown-Hair-Dye/p/930743

@Illogicalmadness

Ah OP go easy on yourself, it's crap after the Yr we've had. I've not fully dyed my hair yet but the greys are coming up thick & fast. You've had good tips from everyone so good luck with this.

You sound really low, are you looking after yourself & eating well etc? I think you'd benefit mentally from a salon visit so could you request salon vouchers/money for xmas/birthday? I know you can't afford it now but it's something you can work towards. Do a couple of car boot sales/ put old stuff on fb sites and put the cash towards a salon visit. It's a long term goal but I think you deserve it.

Oh I didn’t mean to come across as feeling low!

My hair is just pissing me off as it has done for years and I want to sort it out this time rather than chucking another dark brown dye on the roots and thinking to myself I sort it another time.

I didn’t mean the no one ever sees me in a bad way - I just meant that it’s not like I’ve got loads of things planned over the summer as we are moving, so it’s not the worst time to have stripped out, coppery hair for a little while.

[quote Journeynotdestination]This is a lovely colour OP. It looks quite basic but once on it’s a lovely colour, no hard red in it, but still warm.

www.superdrug.com/Hair/Hair-Colourants/Permanent-Hair-Dye/Excellence-Creme-6-3-Light-Golden-Brown-Hair-Dye/p/930743[/quote]
That is a really nice colour - quite close to my original colour.

Also - the last time I stripped it, it went very coppery.

I need to make sure I get a dye that will work with that. And cover the greys properly.

@Arsebucket it’s really pretty. I’ve used it on my greys and my daughter!

Are there are hairdressers near you go offer free dye/cuts for having their apprentices fo it? Most if ours do and they are closely supervised!

@Bobbybobbins

Are there are hairdressers near you go offer free dye/cuts for having their apprentices fo it? Most if ours do and they are closely supervised!

I’ve not checked that out yet,

There is a huge hairdressing college but due to social distancing they haven’t been able to have as many people in and so there waiting list is huge, not taking any more on.

with regard to treating myself etc, I’m not being a martyr by not going to a salon, there just isn’t the money around, christmases etc tight
as we’ve been trying to chuck everything into a house deposit for years now to get out of unstable renting. So I’m not putting myself last or anything, it’s just how it is, hence wanting to try and sort it out at home.

Oh, I so feel your pain!

I’m a decade older than you but have been greying since my 30s. I’ve used box dyes for years & years - at first because I just wanted to change up my boring brown hair into something funkier, and then later out of necessity to cover grey roots (kind of wish now that I’d just enjoyed my natural colour while I had it, but hey ho!) I hate hate hate going to the hairdresser. I’m dyspraxic with probable PDA (neurodivergent condition) which means I can’t bear people ‘doing stuff’ to me and feel ultra-judged in such settings. Plus like you I find the cost very prohibitive. I maybe pluck up the courage to go to the hairdresser about once every two years (but currently approaching 3.5 years and counting!).

Anyway several times now I’ve attempted to ‘embrace the grey’ because it seemed like that was what I was supposed to do (?). I’m not bothered about cutting my hair short so I just cut off the dyed parts. But the thing was - when all I can see is my roots, they look very very grey to me, and it convinces me that my hair is grey all over, but actually, when I see it chopped off, it’s nowhere near as grey as I think! In fact it looks patchy and awful - not even a nice, even salt & pepper, but just dark with random chunks of grey.

So it’s quite possible that your ‘terrible’ grey really isn’t that bad! If your natural colour is anything less than black or very dark brown, it’s unlikely you’ll be genuinely white all over at 41. My mum was completely silvery grey by her early 40s but her original colour was black. Mine was more ‘medium brown’ (hate that description!) and I’m way less grey than she was.

Anyway I know the current trend is to stop dyeing dark brown but I decided that I don’t care. I’ve tried some other colours over the last few years (red, plum, even an ill-advised bleach job) and concluded I just don’t like the look of myself with these hair colours. I know the dark brown looks fake but honestly I don’t see why it’s ok for young women to dye their hair obviously fake colours, but once we hit 40+ or 50+ it becomes ‘sad’. It’s just ageism and misogyny at the end of the day.

So I say either embrace the dark brown, or try a new funky colour if your work permits that kind of thing, or steel yourself for a few months of growing out, followed by a short cut (but please go to the hairdresser for that one - take it from a veteran of self-administered haircuts!) and then you can assess what degree of grey you really have, and decide where to go from there.

In the meantime, a silk (or similar) scarf wrapped around your head as an Alice band or vintage ‘turban’ type arrangement - think Angel from Escape to the Chateau! - is your friend, to help cover the roots.