How can I feel more confident in what I wear/How I look?

[OhHeyItsSaturday]

I have recently ditched a couple of very caustic friends who have basically spent the past few years tearing down my confidence, especially in what I look like, in terms of constant critical comments whilst being gushing about other friends who were wearing the same thing or are the same clothes size as me, and also telling me I 'can't get away with' wearing things. They have made so many toxic comments I would be here all day writing them down!

I also had horrible abusive parents growing up, who never had a good word to say about me.

So my confidence, especially in how I look, is on the floor at the moment, and I just wondered if anyone had any ideas of how I can build myself up a bit.

For example in the current summer weather I'd love to wear playsuits, dresses and cute outfits but I just end up wearing jeans or denim shorts and a vest top. If I have a night out, again it's jeans, in case people tear apart what I'm wearing.

My Facebook feed is full of people going out to nice places, dressed up to the nines, and I wish I could do that too. A friend has gone for a bottomless brunch today wearing an amazing co-ord set but I'd never dare wear anything like that at the moment.

How can I feel better about myself?

As a wise woman once said, "Comparison is the greatest thief of joy." Ditch the Facebook et. al. and just go out and live your life. Wear what gives you a spring in your step and puts a smile on your face when you look in the mirror. If someone else appreciates that too, great, but avoid dressing for the sake of others.

Sometimes you'll get it wrong, it happens to the best of us and nothing horrible happens.

People who constantly critique the personal choices of others are an odd sort and their commentary says a lot more about them than the object of their critique. They're the last people you should attempt to please, they'll never be satisfied as they are simply incapable of that and for that they should be pitied, though their personalities often make it hard to be empathetic.

I think you just have to grit your teeth and just do it.

I felt the same about jumpsuits for AGES. Now I have 2 and a play suit. All in solid colours (not sure I can carry off full length floral yet!) but a good gateway.

I wear dresses regularly - soft jersey dresses are good, again started with plain ones but now wear a variety of colours/prints

Dress them down with trainers or flipflops and a denim or biker jacket to keep it looking casual

Have a look at the 'what are we wearing today' thread for inspiration

Yep, I don't have any pictures of "girls nights out" in my feed or parents with kids on days put with friends, not because I'm miserable but it's best not to see things that aren't part of my life.

Wear the nice clothes, be happy.

I had a friend like that when I was a teen she used to love putting down my pale legs, probably because they were longer and slimmer than hers.

She also used to laugh at my outfits, luckily my mum and DSis were supportive of my body & clothing choices.

When I've had negative self talk in the past CBT really helped me.

I mean this kindly but honestly if you wear that dress what it the worst thing you think will happen? Then challenge yourself will that really happen?

So say you think everyone will laugh at you...will they really, If they did they'd be a bit of a nasty piece of work anyway so would you really care what someone like that thought of you.

I'm rooting for you OP do it 🙌🙌🙌

I'm sorry this has happened to you. It might take a bit of time to build your confidence back up but you'll get there!

My advice would be to order loads and loads of things to try, if you like it then throw it in the basket even if you don't think you'll have the balls to wear it. Then have a "trying on sesh" in the comfort of your own home. Put on your favourite music, maybe have a glass of wine while you're doing it and just take your time and try things on with different jackets, shoes, accessories etc. This way you're not pressured into picking something quickly so you can get to a party/night out/whatever on time and really concentrate on putting outfits together. You can also really find out what actually suits you and what makes you feel good and hopefully have fun doing it! Then just send back what you don't want.

Another thing that helped me, and I don't know if this is all in my head, but whenever I see someone wearing something that I love I make a point of telling them so and often asking the age old "where did you get that?!?". Believe me, you never get a bad reaction from telling someone they look good. The more I did that the more I found myself pushing myself clothes wise and the odd time someone has complimented me has really made my year.

Just practice dressing up when you can so you feel more and more comfortable each time and as long as the clothes fit correctly I.e you're not pulling at them all the time then confidence is all you need.

Good luck - you can do it love!

Ps I also find Pinterest super inspiring when I'm looking for ideas to be a bit more "interesting".

go on you tube search hypnosis//self confidence//positive affirmations...if you sleep well as is-it wont do you any harm//anything else only gona help.x