Help me rediscover style/fashion

[Graphista]

I’m agoraphobic and haven’t left home in 4 years. So I’ve been completely unaware of fashion/style changes and basically been living in leggings, tops and slippers!

I’m now building up to possibly going out but none of my old shoes fit, I’ve no boots at all.

I’ve been buying clothes that AREN’T leggings more recently.

I’m late 40’s, short and fat - being honest! I’m trying to do something about the latter, my style is probably best described as a mix of classic/tailored, boho/hippy and 80’s throwback. 😂

Eg I still prefer bootcut jeans. I tend to favour a quite co-ordinated approach to choosing an outfit.

I feel very out of touch with which retailers (preferably online with next day delivery if possible) might suit me.

Eg I’m trying to find basic block heel ankle boots at the moment and the styles that are coming up are too chunky/messy for my taste yet there’s also not much variation in colour either. Black is fine and I realise it’s summer so this will be limited at the moment.

I also look at the dresses around at the moment and they would look horrifically unflattering and frumpy on me! I tend to suit more tailored dresses, wrap dresses were great for me as they gave me an illusion of a waist or even more shift dress style.

I realise current fashion isn’t aimed at me but again it’s trying to find retailers that do sell to my demographic/style.

But I'd also like to update my look if I can without looking like a fashion victim or like I'm trying too hard.

Can you guys help? Please?

My go to place is eBay. Loads of choice and if you get 2nd hand there are massive bargins. You can start by searching say "jeans" and then narrow it down by style, colour, size etc until you have a few choices.

Agree that eBay is a great place to start- often prices are low for good quality second hand and you can experiment without breaking the bank!

Ohhh thank you for not leaving me hanging!

Unfortunately eBay not an option has to be new at the moment and from established retailers - this relates to the ocd not snobbery, when I'm more well I'm able to cope with second hand etc just fine

M&S have lots of nice boots usually and do lots of jeans styles.
Bootcut is fine as long as they're not low rise.

Ebay often has new clothes, either sold by someone who has not worn the item, or retailers like Seasalt who have an ebay shop.

Shops like Office may have block heels in the sale.

Definitely not low rise!

M&S yea I'm tempted by the knee high pointed toe kitten heels but I'm worried about calf fit as I'm fat at the moment

VERY tempted by their vegan, knee high square toe block heels in berry. Right up my street - but again calf fit? Wish they'd post calf measurements beyond "regular fit"

Office! I had completely forgotten about them! Thank you - off to browse!

M&S are usually a little on the generous side, so I would order and try. I suggested their jeans because they have different ranges and prices.

The pointed kitten come in different widths. Maybe a wider foot would have a wider leg.

Next often have wider leg fitting for boots.

New Look often has some stylish clothes at a sensible budget, or if you are not worried about that, have a look at brands like Arket, Cos, Maje, Mint Velvet and Jigsaw.

I appear to have broken office website

Saw some lovely boots, registered and then - kaput!

The trouble with "order and try" is returning is difficult for me.

I'll dig out tape measure and measure calves later.

Wider foot idea might work.

I shall look at those other brands. It's not a case of money no object but I have a little leeway

I've happened across mandmdirect which isn't a company I've heard of before but I like the styles and good prices - anyone have any experience of these?

I have bought children's clothes from MandM Direct and been very happy with the quality and service.

Thanks for the quick reply - they just seemed a bit... too good to be true? They have styles I like in nice colours and good prices

What size are you OP?

I'm short and an 18. I like next petite for jeans and trousers.

I don't like fashion right now. It's all 90s throw back to me. I was a teen in the 90s so I can either dress like I did when I was a teen, or dress like my mum did when I was a teenager.

I was about a 20, I'm in the process of losing weight and back to my usual 18 depending on style/fabric

Next is my usual go to but I'm trying to consider others and perhaps get different styles also next aren't currently stocking shoes/boots I like/can fit me

I'm also short - 5'2" - but I'm out of proportion slightly too, longer legs than my height would suggest. Petite is too short for me regular too long!

This is partly why I want heeled boots I have new jeans from next that are just that wee bit too long to wear with flat shoes or even chunky trainers I think. But I'm not up to taking hems up at the moment not on jeans anyway

Simply Be have boots for curvy legs.

Thanks I'll take a look at simply be

Just tried the jeans on and done a quick pin and measure and they are about 3" too long at the moment BUT jeans always shrink in the first few washes so I know if I'd got the petite they'd have been too short once washed (plus I find petite too small on crotch length too if that makes sense)

Calf size 16"/41cm at mo - yikes!!

What sort of budget? X

Excuse me for asking and I hope I’m not being insensitive, as I know very little about how acrophobia affects people, but are you looking for clothes for a lifestyle change? Since working from home, I hardly ever wear boots/kitten heels/heavy shoes as they seem so weighty thumping around at home. Would you consider ‘nicer’ at-home stuff like cashmere jumper, loungewear, quality knits, silk blouses? Are you working, do you need to dress smartly? Don’t make the mistake of buying clothes for a life you don’t lead; I’m in an M&S cashmere round neck, straight leg joggers and Uggs, and with blow dried hair and nice earrings I feel much calmer and more relaxed than I would in something more styled.

@Amyheadache less than £100? Probably more like under £50 really

@OliviaNewtAndJohn ah bless you for tying yourself in Knots there!

Don't worry.

In short yes I am working towards a lifestyle change as you put it.

Agoraphobia has "levels" as it were? I'm not always totally housebound although I have been for 4 years this time. Which as I'm sure you can imagine means i basically don't have a life! I've a milestone birthday next year and this is motivating me I hope to achieve well. But I've also been working with this therapist for over a year now and gradually making headway. At one point I couldn't even look out of windows!

I have agoraphobia secondary to ocd which makes it a bit more convoluted.

We are slowly working towards me going outside but with the complication of the ocd I don't like my feet exposed outside and I don't want to risk Jeans touching the ground.

Clothes wise yes at the moment I mainly live in leggings, tops
and slippers (never put feet on bare floor). I make a little more effort when delivery drivers are headed my way simply because I don't feel "decently" dressed in leggings as I'm fat too. It's not a sight I wish to inflict on others! I'd be embarrassed to do that.

With the warmer weather too I've been wearing dresses, and vest tops more. But again wouldn't wear just a vest top to answer door.

It takes me a long time to feel comfortable with each stage of progress, so therapist suggested perhaps look at more "fun" items of prep - like new clothes and shoes - which may contribute to me feeling more confident about stepping outside. It's a series of tiny baby steps.

It's taken about 6 months for me just to get to this stage.

Horrible feeling like this, wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'm missing out on so much and I hate it!

Happy to answer any further questions by pm if you wish. But I'm sure you understand to go further in depth could be possibly outing and mn is a bit of a lifeline for me.

I'm so grateful for all the pointers here I shall have a lovely time browsing tomorrow.

first of all... Thats tremendous. REally. Have you got as far as lagenlook.?It ticks the somple/fuddy free/easy wear..isnt restrictive and is boho friendly too-well-i think so.not extreme cost. ..also www.widecalfbootsstore.co.uk/.

@Graphista

Calf size 16"/41cm at mo - yikes!!

That doesn't sound particularly big. Mine are about 13.25 ins and I'm a scraggy size 8.