Fat, flummoxed and almost 40....

[givemebooks]

Hi all I am turning myself over to the mumsnet goddesses and praying for your help

I am fat (very very very) have no idea of style, I have never owned a foundation or any real make up in my life and here I am about to turn 40

With no real sense of what the next chapter brings

I just don't have a clue my life has been my kids and along the way i lost myself to the jeans and t shirt life and never looked back i feel frumpy i am massively overweight obese morbidly size 32 big belly, hate myself but I am also stepping out of a whole host of therapy for past sexual abuse, living with c-PTSD that finally i feel lighter from and I just want to feel nice again, look nice for my DH go ito my 40's feeling like me again

Already started on the weigh loss 9lb down but miles to go!

But i have no clue of clothes what would suit? How to hide my bulk yet rock it too?, no makeup, no idea how to "do hair"

Any advice on what would suit a potato shaped fatty with a big smile?

During lockdown I felt the same, fat and frumpy! I started with makeup. Bought some lovey dewy face products from Trinny London, an eyelash serum, which has made my eyelashes grow so long and thick, a liquid bronzer, a good mascara and eyelash curler, and overhauled my old boring makeup look. Then I cut my long boring hair into a LOB and made more of an effort to style it. Those two things have made me feel so much better, so much happier and more attractive. New Look curve range is good, don't be afraid to wear the latest fashions, you can still look great in them! SHEIN also good. Accessorise. Jazz it up, be confident, and go for it! A beautiful smile is what people notice about you first.

Following this as Im in the same position. Worn jeans and tshirts for my whole adult life. Massively stuck in a rut. I see other people dressed nice and think I will buy new clothes when I loose weight which I never have been able to do. Also got horrible frizzy hair that I just put in a ponytail everday and have to use loads of hair spray to keep it neat hairspray makes it look greesey though 😩

Thank you so much for the tips and love to have people along for the journey who are in the same boat!

I spend a lot of time thinking hey that outfit could loom good then i criticise myself and end up talking myself out of it!!🙈

I am spending some Time today checking out the clothing sites seeing what might work!

If you can I would say (although I am hardly a style queen ) - start with some little things - I started getting my nails done and it was nice to have one bit of me that felt pretty. I also have some lovely perfume, necklaces, bags and earrings, so even when I feel a bit crap about my body and clothes I can still start to feel better about myself. Some

Some little baby steps I have managed to take

A tiny bit of blusher also always gives a face a lift without being too much effort I find.

How about focusing on wellbeing rather than worrying about what's fashionable.

Lots of water, try to focus on good food

For me a nice skincare routine is always a way for me to feel lovely.
If you don't have problematic skin...
A nice Balm Cleanser
Vit c serum
Facial oil and moisturiser

Then you could do your nails nicely.

Book a haircut and a dye if you fancy it.

Maybe you can treat yourself to clothes when you feel ready there are great threads on here for plus size.

The actress who plays Kate in This Is Us is big around the middle, and I always think she looks really good. Would the type of thing she wears be what you like?

Firstly, don't hide yourself. You can look fantastic whatever your size. Far too many women write themselves off altogether because they're not happy with their weight, and stop enjoying other aspects of their appearance. Ok, your body isn't your favourite part, but it's only one part of you. You also have a face and hair, and theres loads you can do with those from cuts to extensions to make up you feel good in. Pretty much any look is possible so it's a case of finding what you like and going for it. When you feel you look your best in those areas, you will feel better altogether and have more confidence with clothes.

@MakeAWhish - can I ask which eyelash serum please

I think my main problems is that my confidence is shot! I just don't have any, i have the burst of ideas that sparked me to start this thread and already i am regretting it and feeling silly. I just galk myself out of everything in my head!

Positive steps baby steps I have booked my hair cut, I have a real issue with hair and hairdressing after having a shunt fitted a little over 4 years ago my scalp and that area are so sensitive I just put of having a cut end up getting it bobbed off once a year and then growing it out!

But i will be dyed and cut next week!

The confidence issue leads to such a downward spiral. You hate something about yourself so don't bother with any part of yourself. The plus side is that this works in reverse too. For me getting extensions to my awful hair was a game changer. I felt so much better, I had the confidence to change other things too. Hope your new hair gives you a boost.