Help me to embrace the now, so I can change the future

[Oncewassmith]

Really hoping someone can help me. I have just realised that to achieve the weight loss and other changes I need to make - I first need to be okay with how I am now... and I need help with that!
I've just been diagnosed with depression and started on antidepressants which is seeming to help, it's been a stressful 10 years but this last year has taken its toll (breast cancer, infertility, 2 (surprise) children, bankruptcy, divorce, suspected ovarian cancer with removal of ovaries so instant menopause, eviction, loss of career, building of a new one - and the thing to push me over the edge- workplace bullying). To cope with all of this I've comfort eaten (and occasionally comfort drunk) so I'm now a flabby size 18/20 with no sense of style, and, newly gained spare tyre of belly fat. As the chemo turned my hair grey last year I gave up dying it and embraced the grey.
So here I am a flabby menopausal grey haired women with no sense of style.
I'm attempting couch to 5k at the moment - and, trying to diet but confused between the best way to do this do I count calories/macros, intermittent fast etc.
Please wise women give me some tips to find my style and mojo again as I feel like I've really lost myself

I think get the basics sorted first:
Sleep, get enough and get a routine.
Food, eat well but allow yourself indulgences. Just aim to lose 1 kilo at a time, then the next,... I like Nutracheck as a calorie tracker if that's the route you want to take.
Exercise, any movement you like but incorporate some resistance for muscle and bone strength (weights/body weight/resistance bands etc).
20 mins of fresh air/sunshine daily, walk, potter around the garden, sit with cup of coffee & radio/book.
Make your home a pleasant place to be, declutter your surroundings & clean/tidy as you go. Organised Mum is great for this.
Get a simple skincare and haircare routine, minimal products for maximum results. Love skin + me for this but wish there was a hair equivalent.

I also need to drop a couple of dress sizes, I currently have a minimalistic wardrobe and am really enjoying it, I'm going to continue with the minimalistic theme when I get to my ideal size, just with better quality items.

Good luck, there's no need to rush.

@MayIDestroyYou

You really need to celebrate your triumphs - which are many.

I'm not big on shiny things but you need a jewel - you deserve a big shiny piece of the Earth. (Or even some tiny rubies, emeralds, whatever.)

Even if you don't want to race straight to a jewellers, one of the most helpful pieces of style advice I've ever read is to buy one wonderfully extravagant accessory every season. We don't really have fashion seasons any more - but I try to acquire one really unnecessarily fabulous thing every winter, even if it's only a crazily coloured or structured beanie.

The brilliant thing about accessories is they don't care what size you are - they just confirm that you care about your unique presence on Earth.

Wow - you are amazing too!

OP you have done so well to face these battles and come through. You are incredibly resilient.
I would think about
-try some yoga or Pilates to strengthen your core

• skin care - just basic - cleanse and moisturise and serum - just basics range from super drug - I like vitamin E
• high factor SPF face and neck, arms.
• exfoliation and moisturise body - dry brushing
• a haircut - the best you can afford
• go browsing in shops, try lots things and brands just so you know what suits and then eBay or second hand.
• lots water and walk

You are all so brilliant to share your ideas with me!
So far I've browsed online shops after looking at the youtube/Instagram ideas - and after measuring myself (very depressing) I'm hoping I've got the right sizes and shapes coming (advice was to have flowing material around the dreaded stomach area) - treating myself to some new bras following the booborbust guide (it's hard to get a good fit with one and a half boobs).
I've downloaded and started to use headspace for the mindfulness and I'm looking into yoga classes as I've always wanted to give it a go.
And, I'm back on my couch to 5k challenge with an additional ten mins for weights a day - so hopefully I'll get there
The antidepressants have really helped with my sleep and I'm starting to feel positive again.
Booked to have my hair done in the next couple of weeks
Thank you all for your tips- you're fabulous

@Sooverthemill

Well done you! I have been in a very similar situation ( cancer menopause job loss DH affair plus very very sick daughter) and I totally lost the plot. What I did was start daily yoga for at least 10 minutes. Watched what I ate ( no snacks and watching portion sizes) and looked online for fashion inspiration. I then bought clothes online to find out what my sizes were and returned most of it and then shopped eBay. I know that my own mental health is improving and that my DD who is still incredibly sick worries less about 'breaking' me and feels less of a burden when I am like this. And I post every day on outfox the day thread on here for the discipline and inspiration. Good luck, take baby steps

Hope things are going well for you and your daughter

I’m considered an attractive and stylish post menopausal woman (sorry I know we’re not meant to say these things but it’s anonymous here so let’s be blunt).

For me it’s not about how much time I spend on my appearance etc each day - actually precious little time as I run a business - but more about the care I pay myself consistently if that makes sense?

Wow I think you should celebrate where you are right now! You've been through so much I think I'd simply stand and take stock, be proud of all you've dealt with.

As for style, try not to be trendy. A good pair of quality and good fitting trousers with the same ilk, plain top for work with flats. Go for classic quality, rather than cheap and trendy

A good bra and comfy pants and shoes are a must.

I remember reading somewhere that you should have a good, comfy bed and a good, comfy pair of shoes, because if you're not in ones you'll be in the other

It sounds like you are already on the right track. As for eating - I have just started reading Davinia Taylor's It's not a Diet. I've literally only read the first chapter so can't say much yet but I like her approach. I have always been slim but am now menopausal and I am suddenly gaining weight so wanted to really think about what I eat. Good luck!

Keep smiling and buy a good red lipstick!
Seriously, you have been through much so take time to celebrate you and how fab you are.
Some great advice here. My main points would be ;

1. have a clear out of your wardrobe. Be ruthless. Keep only what's good quality and what makes you feel good. Invest in a few new bits for your new job ; palazzo or capri style trousers, a couple of good tops and a flat pair of trainers.
2. Keep up the walking ( you have to with dogs), but maybe find a new exercise to inspire you ? I'm bored of my gym now so am looking to be inspired, too.
3. Regarding diet, don't put any pressure on yourself. Eat the foods you like and have a few snacks. I'm sick of yo yo dieting so have decided I'm fabulous as I am ( I'm 13st, 5ft 6, so overweight really, but I don't look it. I'm fit, healthy and laugh a lot).
4. Keep a journal. Make a list daily, even small targets ( eg clean dressing table!) When you tick it off, you feel a sense of accomplishment. Whatever you do, enjoy it !