I need help! Sad and bored of my clothes and my body!

[StyleDesperation]

Morning all! The lovely sunny weather has made me realize what I've known for a while, I am on the fringes of fashion (somewhere between no style at all, and some things are fine but I'm not wearing them well). Some background: I'm 32, 6 months PP, still breastfeeding. I'm 5'8", currently hovering around 69 kg, pear shaped but not very dramatic (10 on the bottom, 8 on top, can't wear shift dresses). I was toned and slim pre pregnancy but because of post birth injury I can only do light walking, and some specific physio exercises, for at least the short-medium term. But I want to feel good when I look in the mirror fully clothed at least. Boobs are big for now, but weren't before and who knows what they'll be like when I stop breastfeeding! I've never been good at casual dressing anyway, relying on jeans and jumpers not accessorised very well. I suit warm colours, not pastels. Any suggestions gratefully received. I don't even know where to start and am paralysed by indecision!

Firstly congratulations on your baby! It's so loveky to have a baby of that age in summer so you can get out for walks etc with them.
Secondly, and I say this with absolute kindness, you don't have a problem with your body if you're 5ft 8" size 8 / 10 six months after giving birth!
However you might have a bit of a confidence crises or perhaps you're finding it hard to adjust to your new life circumstances?
I know when I had my first baby I went fro k dressing every day for a very creative environment office to suddenly being at home with a tiny baby & not much time or motivation to really focus on myself & I lost my way style wise for a good few months

Then it dawned on me that this WAS my life now, at least for this phase, and that I needed to start dressing for the life I had not the one i'd had or the one I hankered after style wise (going out clothes- always my downfall!)

So I started looking around me at other people who looked my age-ish who also had babies in tow & I started picking out the ones whose style I admired & made mental notes.

It was winter when I started & I invested in a lovely coat which made me feel amazing & a hat & scarf to go with it.
Then I bought a couple of pairs of really well fitting expensive jeans (7 for all mankind in this case but it was 16 years ago now!) & boots / trainers / flat shoes

Gradually I built up a nice wardrobe of more casual clothes that still felt like 'me'
What I found helped was I still bought from the brands I'd loved for work clothes but I now bought from their more causal/ weekend ranges so I bought whistles, noa noa, selective boden, selective French connection etc (as I said it was a long t time ago so I know brands have moved on)

What I didn't do was buy cheaper stuff to fill a gap but that wasn't my usual thing so would make me feel even more alienated from my old life

I had a small but workable capsule wardrobe - things that allowed me to breastfeed for over a year as well as hoik the baby & all the gear around etc
Also - a good haircut/ colour, bag, jewellery, Skin care all help to feel normal again
Good luck!

Thanks for your reply! You are absolutely right, objectively my body is fine, I think it's adjusting mentally to my injuries, as well as to the physical limitations that has which has made me lose a lot of self confidence.

I also want to avoid the trap of spending annoying amounts of money on clothes I don't like and won't last, especially catering for breastfeeding..

Good suggestion to tap into what others of a similar age/life stage are wearing and trying to make that work. I'd really loves great button down shirt dress that I can dress up with heeled sandals or down with flats but I can't make a decision on anything!

And thank you for being kind. Having not been able to go anywhere for so long, and quite enjoying pregnancy dressing, I feel in a bit of no man's land! I have at least finally been able to get my hair done, so a step in the right direction.

I think you've had it SO tough having a baby in lock down etc & I'm v sorry to hear about your injury. I had a pelvic injury too & I know how upsetting it is so you have my full sympathy on that front.

I was mid 30s having my first baby so was very used to dressing to suit myself & I had a style worked out that I was happy with but then it turned out not to be very compatible with a baby & breastfeeding etc & that threw me too. So I looked at other mums who looked roughly in my age bracket. Just when I was out & about in town or supermarket or for a coffee etc

Spend some time browsing some sites when baby is sleeping & figure out what shapes / styles you think could work.

In your position I'd start with one lovely dress that allowed for feeding & a cardigan / jacket & footwear so you have the whole thing to just put on & make you feel great again & branch out from there- a shirt & top to wear with the cardigan & shoes. Then summer trousers that will go with the top & cardigan etc etc

Browse sites like temperley, John Lewis, M&S, COS, Sezane, Arket, Wyse for inspiration for lovely dresses. They will all have sales coming up soon too

There's a great thread on here - show me your summer dresses which could be great for research

Second the congratulations. Well done on even having the headspace to think at all (I’m sure I lost far longer!). I think it’s really underestimated how much having a baby (& physical injury) can impact on sense of self and style/dressing/hair/makeup as the physical manifestation of that, especially when you’re not sure how long each phase might last and it doesn’t feel in your control. My children are also teenage now but I can still remember that sudden noticing that I wasn’t sure where ‘I’ was anymore. My reason for posting now is I’ve had a similar self vacuum due to significant teenage related difficulties and family illness, and this weekend I had a personal styling appointment at John Lewis. I think it was a little hard for the stylist to help me as I didn’t really know what I wanted (work, home, safe, fun etc) but I did come away with one outfit (palazzo pants, top, denim jacket, total cost £160, the jacket was most of that). I wore it yesterday & felt great. I don’t know if you are near a JL but it might be worth a try. The stylists don’t work on commission so are not affected if you don’t buy anything (although it’s hard not to feel that you should even so, and you could return it) and you can give them a budget. It may help with the indecision to start with even for one dress that makes you feel good, although it’s obviously more expensive than say ASOS or H&M etc. I think it’s reminded me how nice it is to feel out together and I’m hoping to work from that. I also enjoyed seeing different looks and thinking about proportions, colour etc in a way I never do. Good luck.

It's so so common for women to feel like this after birth, such a massive loss of sense of identity - I remember feeling exactly the same.

What about trying something like Stitch Fix for a few months? You do a basic style assessment, put in stuff about your likes/dislikes/needs and then they send you a box of stuff to try on. You send back whatever you don't like but it can be quite nice to try stuff that you'd never necessarily pick for yourself. The only headache is getting to the post office within a week or so to return what you don't want to buy.

Thank you @UnreasonablyPissedOff I will definitely have a look at the dresses thread. Also as you say, starting with one complete look could be a much more manageable jumping off point, and narrows down what I need to look for.

@weekwhat sorry to hear you're having a hard time too. Great to hear the JL styling worked and you got some nice things. Not sure how easy it would be to go with the baby but I will definitely keep it in mind and maybe they do a virtual one? Would quite like to be told "just wear this and you'll look good!"

@Babamamananarama I've been a bit floored by how much my sense of self has disappeared! I never really thought much about who "me" was before, but now I realise I don't know! I do like the look of stitch fix etc, maybe I should take the plunge with a really specific brief "breastfeeding friendly etc" and see how they do!

I think that most women can relate to the feeling of “oh Christ it’s summer, I’ve lost my look, what do I wear???” feeling. Even when they haven’t just had a baby!

How are your upper arms? It sounds as if you are slim on top, so could you look for sleeveless cotton tops to pair with separate bottom halves? Some I have seen have openings in the front (M&S/Reiss).

Would you wear a knee length circular or gathered skirt? I think that they can look really good with flat sandals and heels. It’s different to the tent dress, trainers and denim jacket combo that lots of women are wearing, but I see that as a positive.

What about a long cotton jersey or bamboo jersey skirt with a split? You have the height for it and they look good with sandals with a small block heel.

The same thing happened to me after I had DS. I felt lost! The girls on here we're really lovely and helpful 💙

Thanks @Iamthewombat. I'm going to have a hunt for some links tonight to the kind of things you and some of the others have suggested and hopefully get some feedback!

The problem I have with the dress, trainers, denim jacket combo is that it's so not me, I feel like everyone would look and think "why is she trying to dress like someone she is clearly not?" Maybe a throwback to my uncool teenage years!

@Time2b33 it seems I'm not as alone in it as I thought! Glad you got some good advice, seems that that vibe is still going on for me too!

So yesterday I wore this (have had it a few years but really like it) and felt much better! Excuse the bedroom mess!

I have also ordered a dress, new sandals (several of mine need consigning to the bin) and a simple long line white shirt for wearing with jeans etc in the Crew sale.

If you like those casual, button through dresses, Hobbs have a few so take a look. You look fine, but could wear a brighter colour?

Great start! Keep posting pics, we like to see them!

I am the same height and a couple of kilograms lighter than you… incredibly jealous that you are an 8-10. That was me 10kg ago. Thanks to the pandemic I’m a 12 verging on 14! It’s crazy how bodies can be so different.

Also sad and miserable with my wardrobe!

@Miseryisabutterfly what kind of things do you like/hate/need? Maybe some of the ladies can make suggestions for you too? Yes weight doesn't tell you much, there's so much variation. I should have posted measurements I guess as they give a much more accurate picture of body shape! I've always weighed more than I look, if you see what I mean?

@Time2b33 I will do! Hopefully you can help me weed out the bad and keep the good!

@Maireas apart from colour what would you suggest? I want to look better than fine! (The button through is mainly because I'm breastfeeding, most of my pre-baby clothes aren't suitable so am on a pretty limited wardrobe hence needing to try and buy a few more things)

Thanks @StyleDesperation. I am comfortable with my style and love all of my clothes, it’s just that none of them currently fit 😥 I really need to lose weight.

I know what you mean about weighing more than you look, my sil is like that. Unfortunately I’m the other way round, I only feel slim with a BMI under 18.

I think you look lovely in that dress! Your hair is really pretty and you have a lovely figure. It's so hard to buy clothes when you have to think about breastfeeding!

TK Maxx had some lovely button through dresses last time I was in but appreciate it's a bit hit and miss! I got a lovely Vero Moda one from Amazon too. I can't find the link but search "Vero Moda dress" and there's quite a few options.

So I'm keeping this going as a way to motivate myself. I ordered the following things: shirt dress

multi dress

boyfriend shirt

another shirt dress

So, I sent them all back. The yellow dress I thought would work a bit with the boobs but (and I know this word is hated but I don't know how else to describe) it made me look frumpy rather than curvy and nice. And the waist was too baggy so it scrunched. The multi oversized cos dress scrunched way too much at the waist and made my hips look massive. The oversized shirt was too long and I could see how I could ever wear it, and the crew dress also had a matronly effect when I put it on!

I think my problem is the way I'm used to dressing is not flattering to my boobs, but the rest of my body has returned to pre pregnancy size/shape. So instead of a pear, I'm more of an hourglass now. But I was always about emphasizing the top half, minimizing the bottom, and that doesn't seem to work now!

I wore an outfit the other day that I loved though, and got compliments in. Some wide leg dark green crepe trousers, white and tan flat sandals and a mustard t shirt, fitted but not tight, with little kind of fold up cuffs, so a bit of detail (can't really wear necklaces at the moment as DD likes to yank them!)

I’m feeling similar at the moment! I’m 9 months postpartum (with my second) but my body hasn’t yet returned to pre-pregnancy size or shape (it took a good 12-18 months after DC1 ). I’m breastfeeding so my boobs are a lot bigger than usual and my tummy is still quite rounded due to separated muscles, overall I’m between a size 10 and 12 so not huge but bigger than I usually am.
I’ve recently bought a couple of button down dresses from Joules which isn’t somewhere I’d usually shop but I love them! I’ve also bought some wide leg trousers which I thought I could wear with a feeding vest and denim jacket.

Sounds like you've made some good headway @LBB2020. I'm sure you look great but it's really hard to get used to looking so different and, for me, the change in function of my clothes because of breastfeeding, as well as knowing that in 6 months or so if I'm no longer feeding they may be completely different is something I'm just not used to!