Best tips for someone starting from scratch.

[Mrsnapkinhead]

Oh wise ones ... some help please 🤞🤞🤞

Would love to hear inspirational accounts of people who’ve managed too get their S&B s*#t together!

12 years of lone parenting, bereavements, stress and personal neglect has taken its toll. I feel so far away from being smart and polished that I think I’d just feel stupid if I tried.

I’m a serial skinny jeans and t-shirt wearer. Have no idea how to dress smart but has to be practical as I walk everywhere. Footwear usually a sticking point as will only wear Merrells or similarly foot-friendly shoes for all the walking I do. All aspects of personal care except basic showering etc have petty much been abandoned. Long hair which gets chucked into a scrunchie. You get the idea 👹

Hopeful thanks in advance 🙏🙏🙏

If you're starting from scratch after 12 years some professional help might be useful.

I think in your situation I'd start with a lingerie fitting so that the right 'foundations' are in place.
Then choose a good hairdresser who comes recommended and trust them to guide your cut/style decision.
Then book a department store personal stylist (typically free with no obligation to purchase)

You mention that personal care has been a struggle so depending on budget book the appointments you need for Eg dentist, podiatrist, manicure, whatever you need.

I think it'll be easier to try and clothes and feel more confident once the basics are sorted.

Even if you just go for a well fitted pair of dark skinny jeans and some more structured tops instead of tshirts, that could be a way to ease yourself into smarter clothes.

Thanks so much for the reply and tips.

You make a very good point about getting the pro’s in. I think the lack of motivation which underpins my current state could be helped by outsourcing to start with.

I’ve considered a dept store stylist but am a bit nervous because I fear they will dress me in a way only suitable for someone who doesn’t spend most of their time facing the elements getting from a to b or constantly running around after children and working (in uniform for that) and housework. Perhaps I should put my trust in the process and give it a go 😁

Definitely like the idea of getting a manicure and maybe some other bits .. might give me a kick start! 👍

Same but different situation I went to the boots make up counter.

Another good idea, thanks 👍. I’ve not worn make up for around 4 years because my eyes are fairly hooded and everything just looks a bit clown like on me. Maybe getting make up professionally applied will show whether or not I can still wear it.

I find if I do hair and make up I always feel better - no outfit feels good when I haven't started there. So perhaps you need to decide how much time you can give to your hair and make up and devise a plan? Do you need your hair shaped around the front so your less inclined to just put it in a scrunchie? Or maybe still put it up but have some face framing bits out? As for make up, concealer, waterproof mascara, swish of bronzer in a colour that suits you and a few nice lipsticks to co-ordinate with your outfits.
I think given all of your walking I'd consider jackets/coats as your main purchases, so make sure you have a good selection. A padded coat, a wool coat, a sleeveless gilet, a coatigan, a light weight jacket (either safari or blazer or both!) a biker jacket and a denim jacket. All of those would look good with skinny jeans and a t shirt, but they'd also look good with cropped trousers, flared and straight, a jumpsuit, a midi skirt, leather style leggings, smart joggers and dresses mini with tights or a midi (I think maxi might hinder the walking). All of those bottoms can be worn with various tops in summer (camis, short sleeve blouses, smart t's and sleeveless tops) and in winter (long sleeve t's, long sleeve blouses both with knitted sleeveless jumpers over, high neck jumpers both longer and shorter, v neck or round neck long sleeve jumpers).
So long as you try to stick to colours that will all work together, and that can definitely be more than 3, it's doable. Maybe some hats, scarves and scrunchies in the seasons 'colours' to ring the changes? A good across the body bag to tone in with your Merrells and I think you'd look very put together.

Thanks Rina, lots of food for thought there 😊👍.

Yes, I think the hair probably is probably a good starting point. I always feel particularly scruffy when it’s shoved back (as it mostly is).

It’s quite long (3 or 4 inches below shoulder) and has to be completely away from my face for work so layers /fringes are out. It has a strong kink but isn’t curly. When I wear it down it’s so flyaway that I feel like the wicked witch of the west 😖.
I could do with finding ways of wearing it tied back that are a bit more grown up (and that won’t be at risk of coming loose 🧐)

Also I have a poor selection of coats (including teenagers cast-offs) so investing in a smarter jacket could be a good move.

I think I need to do some browsing!!!

Have you booked a hair appointment op?

What body shape are you? That’s always a good place to start.

There’s nothing wrong with skinny jeans and T-shirt’s - that’s the staple diet of most mums. However I change my tshirt to a blouse, or linen top for everyday ‘smarten-ing up’.

Get a decent hair cut. Another way of instantly feeling better. Due to lockdown, my short hair has grown longer, and I’ve got a new hairstyle which I love. Maybe get some highlights put in to give it some lift.

I’ve just brought some linen trousers as an alternative to jeans for the summer.

If you walk everywhere, buy decent shoes. I buy Clarks or Josef Seibel and have no problem in walking everywhere. Buy brogues or loafers to wear with your jeans. Fit - flops are good sandals for walking, that’s the brand not the style.

Hairdresser but thoroughly explain your lifestyle etc so they know what is needed. and maybe beauty treatments like a brow shape and tint and lash tint, low maintenance but makes a big difference. Also if any other beauty treatments might just make you feel better? A facial or manicure maybe? But other than that good shoes (upgrade of current ones that work for you is fine) and a decent coat and gradually upgrade the things you do wear, better quality jeans? Nicer tops?

Are you a pockets, handbag or rucksack type of person?

Try some different jeans cropped Sale items and TKMaxx are your friends for experimenting on a budget.

Fitflop sandals are comfortable enough to walk miles, so long as you get the right ones for your feet. I wear Lulu because I have wide feet. www.fitflop.com/uk/en/shop/lulu-uk?referrer=searchBar

I was in your position a year ago OP. I'm still definitely not polished but have a few tips that made me feel more 'together'.

-learn how to do a couple of easy up-dos to get your hair out of the way and still look stylish. I found quite a few simple ones on YouTube.

-for every day, buy a decent mascara and a nice lipstick that goes with everything so there aren't any decisions to make when you're in a rush. I don't wear any other makeup on normal days.

-agree with PP about upgrading staples like jackets etc. And invest in decent shoes.

I don't know if you're on a tight budget but I find that Vinted is really good for getting clothes and even shoes second hand. People often sell things with the labels on or that they've only worn a couple of times, it's allowed me to buy far better quality clothes than I would be able to afford if I was buying new.

Thanks for the nudge cooda 😁. No hair appointment but I did take the time to tie my hair up nicely today (might not sound like much but I really am shockingly bad at looking after myself).

Strand I’m lacking in curves and tend to put weight on around my middle when I gain so generally feel fairly un-feminine. I’m carrying an extra 8kilos of lockdown weight but would normally be around a size 8 on bottom and 10 on top (totally flat chested just broad across the back). Good point about tops ... I think something smarter than a t-shirt might make me feel a bit more well presented.

Kjr - I’m going to book in for a pedi to start I think as I always feel a bit more feminine with painted toes 😊

Post - I’m definitely a pockets person but when I need to carry more I resort to a drawstring rucksack .... I know, I know 🤦‍♀️. In the past I’ve tried getting a ‘practical’ handbag to match my casual clothes but then I end up feeling much older than my years. Nicer handbags just look plain silly with the rest of what I wear and my shoes. I can’t seem to find a style that’s highly practical and comfortable and yet still reasonable well presented. It seems to always be a trade off.

Shredded - yes the hair thing I really need to do. Can you recommend anyone in particular on YouTube for up-do inspiration?

If you tend to wear casual clothes then I find that a cross body camera bag with a coloured strap looks good.

Another vote for cross body bags, practical for walking folk.

Something like this?

If you don’t want to change the length of your hair go for some colours. A balayage makes my hair look done without having to do anything.

Swap T-shirt’s for a cami while it’s warm.

Forgot to add.

Who’s style do you admire?
And who is someone that you identify with shape wise?

@Mrsnapkinhead that's the sort of thing. As clothes get smarter, they tend to have less pockets. What you need is a hands free pocket replacement bag, not a posh hand disabling device.

What you don't want to end up with is a pile of lovely things that you don't use because they don't fit into your lifestyle.

Seesaw- I was thinking just the same this morning when I looked at my hair and noticed it’s become ‘washed out’ I’m mouser naturally but had blonde highlights all my life (one thing I have managed to keep up with). Now that there’s a lot more grey it is starting to look a bit odd. Maybe I should ask for tint next time rather than th usual bleach highlights 🧐

Regards styles I admire; that’s tricky. I look at a lot of people these days and think ‘they look like they’ve made an effort’ which I admire in itself (even if I wouldn’t necessarily wear it myself).

Whilst I’d love to look very smart and well groomed I just know it won’t fit my lifestyle.

Ok, don’t flame me for putting all my eggs in one basket (and I don’t know how well regarded new look is for clothes) but I’ve just ordered some items to see if I can put a few outfits together. I’ll see if I can post screenshots

#1

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I’ve got a denim jacket that should go well with the dresses. And have some khaki trousers (if they still fit me 🙈).

How did I do??

Looks good. I like the shacket (as in I might get one).