Help! newish baby no time for self care

[Sobloodyexhausted]

Help I look a state and it’s making me sad. DD is 10 months and I still look like I have a newborn. I rarely wear my contacts because my eyes are too dry and tired (I have thick lensed glasses for astigmatism.) My hair is a long dyed frizzy mess with an inch of regrowth and lots of grey. I rarely get time to wash it more than once a week atm let alone style it. My armpits and legs need a shave and my teeth are pale yellow.
I used to be quite stylish and fond of the way I looked now I hate it. I’m avoiding seeing friends as lock down lifts because of it.

Any tips for carving out a little me time? Dad is quite hands (especially with our two older boys) but also works long hours so the time I can hand over the baby to him feels like gold dust. I feel a bit vain asking him for help with this when there’s so many more importantly things I could do with this time around the house. No grand parents / relatives close by to help and DD only sleeps for 20 mins max if not glued to a boob which is something but not enough time to do tricky manoeuvres like dyeing hair.

I know it’s possible to look better than I do as I see loads of stylish mums with babies - how do they do it?

I used to pop ds on the floor where I could see him whilst I jumped in the shower and brushed my teeth. Again, pop on the floor with toys/saucepans etc whilst I shaped some foundation on and straightened my hair. Instantly felt more human! I find if I straighten my hair the night before once dc is asleep it'll do for a couple of days without having to do more than brushing.

I was also thinking does she not sleep in the evenings? By ten months, both of mine were in bed by 7pm and I actually had evenings to myself. (Well I did when I wasn't working).

You need to get DH to take her and then lock yourself in the bathroom.

@Mammyofonlyone it’s a de-frizzing treatment. It doesn’t straighten but is very, very good if you have thick, wavy hair that is hard to dry and style. I used to have them all the time (got a pixie now). They wash your hair about three times to get it squeaky clean then put the stuff on and blow dry and straighten it. A lot of them you have to leave for 3 days before washing, but the difference is amazing!

Well... Again I'm not meaning to be rude but it sounds a bit crazy you can have an hour or more to yourself... Your baby is 10 months. I would be working on that really. Your DH needs the confidence and the freedom to be a dad to his baby.

I've stopped wearing make up but from when my son was about 4 weeks old I started really looking after my skin at night so it was easy in morning I just put vit c, Spf and cc cream on.

What time does your baby go to sleep?

@thedogtookit

She's ten months. Isn't she having solids? She should be able to manage without milk for a while. Your dh needs to take her more, and get an exersaucer to put her in.

This. He can give her food to keep her happy if she’s hungry?

@Sobloodyexhausted

Lapoo - you are right. I seem to get stuck in this mindset that I should be focused on the baby and all that stuff shouldn’t matter but of course it does. This happened with my other babies too. My solution last time was to cut off all my hair into a manageable but not too flattering crop and go make up less for a year or so but I’m (a lot) older this time and the years have not been forgiving!

I adored the baby stage. I gave so much of myself.

But!!!

Every day shower, sort hair, bit of make up, nice clothes
And then before dh home... brushed my teeth, my hair and bit of lipstick on.

I had no family to help. I used to just bung in bouncer / play pen / TV.

We’re talking 15 mins tops. 25 mins to include wash hair and blow dry.

You can be totally focussed on your baby and not felt like you look a mess

@Sobloodyexhausted

Older boys are 12 and 9 but a bit crap looking after her tbh. They get distracted by tv or gaming and I’ll come in to find her chewing on a usb cable of trying to help herself to their snacks (often chocking hazards like m&ms.

The child minder idea would be absolute heaven - I might save up for that!

Mine are 8 and 11 Op - if they’re crap. Deal with jt.

Distracted by gaming etc? Not good enough at those ages!! If you want in and they’re distracted, then they don’t get to play any gaming for rest of day.

Sorry you’re not feeling your best. It’s hard to balance things with a baby, but in your shoes I’d be expecting more from your husband/baby’s dad. I don’t think it has anything to do with levels of earnings though, as a previous poster said!

We have an 8 month old. When the baby wakes at 7ish, I give her a feed in bed then her dad takes her downstairs for breakfast and plays with her for a bit. I either get a bit more sleep or have a long shower (hair wash is basic hygiene here, not self care!). I then tag in so he can shower then he starts work. When he finishes he usually does bath time and bedtime so I can have a break. I’ve just had my hair done for the first time since lockdown and he looked after her while I was at the hairdressers. He also has her one lunch break a week while I see a PT. It’s good for their relationship and it’s good for my health, both physical and mental. Give yourself a break and let them increase the strength of their relationship - everyone has a better experience that way.

What happens at the weekend? Do you get more time to yourself then? We try really hard to get some equal free time, around splitting various chores and doing stuff together as a little trio. Definitely makes me feel more human

At 10 months put lo in a safe place (cot, playpen) with safe toys and take a shower!

Frankly I never understood mums who couldn't shower or colour their hair or whatever. I had two under two and my second was one fussy baby, and my husband worked away from home frequently. But I had a good routine from the day they got home from hospital. I showered every day. I had no trouble getting my hair done or legs shaved.
I think you have set yourself up to fail. Put the baby in a playpen for your daily shower and if she cries she cries. And get your husband to take the baby for a good few hours on the weekend - out for a walk or whatever. I breastfed my second for a year but she was also on solids by ten months.

@Livingintheclouds

Frankly I never understood mums who couldn't shower or colour their hair or whatever. I had two under two and my second was one fussy baby, and my husband worked away from home frequently. But I had a good routine from the day they got home from hospital. I showered every day. I had no trouble getting my hair done or legs shaved. I think you have set yourself up to fail. Put the baby in a playpen for your daily shower and if she cries she cries. And get your husband to take the baby for a good few hours on the weekend - out for a walk or whatever. I breastfed my second for a year but she was also on solids by ten months.

The most k credible to me is those that they they don’t get a chance to finish a cup of coffee.

If it helps OP, I was exactly the same with mine. But if it's getting you down, it's important and it's more important than jobs round the house.

Get your hair dyed, book in for a trim. You can dry your hair in the same room as the kids while they play if you're worried the eldest can keep an eye on baby

Get a make up bag and make it as minimal as possible and then keep it somewhere easy to access with a hand mirror.

Get yourself some clothes that are easy and you feel good in. Once your hair is done, the rest is pretty easy to get done in a few mins a day if that's what you choose

I'm a childminder and take babies ad hoc for a couple of hours here and there so a new (and not so new!) mum can have a haircut/colour/manicure/pedicure /yoga class/run etc.
Have a phone round and ask a few.

Is the dh the parent of the older two?
What happened when they were under one?
Or Are they your stepsons?