How do I turn this around/ need a makeover

[OnMyThirdCoffee]

I was watching 10 years younger in 10 days last night and it made me cry. Not because my life was as hard as some of those women, but more because it amazed me how you can totally transform how you look. They looked amazing and so deserved it.

What did resonate with me was losing myself. In my case I have lost myself over the last 16 years since I had DC, then had awful perimenopause symptoms. I know these are excuses, but I used to work in a high-powered job with expensive suits and immaculate grooming, then I was a lonely SAHM for 14 years, had some major life dramas and grooming all went pear-shaped and I put myself last on the list. I have sorted some aspects of my life. I have my perimenopause under control and I now have a p/t job I love. I have nice friends.

It is not all catastrophe on the physical front. I recently lost over a stone (bit to go) and returned to a high level of fitness. I've always looked after my skin and hair.

For me, it is more about the software, rather than the hardware. I have nice, decent clothes but I never wear them. I have a few gorgeous bags, with a layer of dust on them. I have really nice shoes. I buy things but don't really seem to go anywhere to wear them. I have lovely makeup but don't put it on. I have great coloured nail varnish but never apply it. The one that gets me the most is that I don't wear jewellery but I do have a couple of beautiful pieces that are in my drawer e.g. diamond studs that are gorgeous.

I don't seem to have the confidence, the time and energy to "look good". I don't seem to give myself permission. My friends don't seem to have a problem with this, but I do. The sad thing is that I can actually scrub up really well. I do it at weddings and special occasions.

I would like to give myself a full makeover like those fab ladies on 10 years but TBH I think it may take a microchip implant in my brain or some hypnotism.

Any tips to turn this around? I'd so like to look and feel good again.

Can you plan some future events that will give you a reason to wear your nice things and do your nails, etc? Lunches with friends and so on. I know that it is difficult at the moment with COVID restrictions. At least you will get a chance to wear smart coats!!

Start with the hair and work down, perhaps? Go through the clothes and see what works together and what you can wear and be comfortable in?

New hair
Nails
Sort wardrobe (new if needed)
Accessories
Shoes

Your self confidence will shine when you feel good!

I would start with the nails, one small thing at a time, look after your hands for a couple of weeks, see how them looking nice starts to raise your confidence levels then move on to the next thing, put some make up on, I'm not talking drag queen levels but just enough to give you a boost, do it everyday though not just a special occasion.

I would be willing to bet that if you take things slowly but surely you will find yourself again.

If I had diamond studs I would wear them every single day.

I amsimilar- I buy lots of lovely things and the 'save' them for special occasions which never happen.

I've got round this a bit buy planning outfits the night before when I've got more time rather than pulling something out of the wardrobe at the last minute and choosing the most familiar or easiest safe option. I've also made doing nails and shaving legs a weekly Sunday night thing ready for the week ahead.

I’m a sahm and the bit about lovely clothes and nowhere to wear them resonated!

I remember reading an article once about the amount of wardrobe space we devote to our fantasy self, and it prompted me to think long and hard about my actual life, and start investing in it.

eg, I wear a lot of jeans and leggings and in the last couple of years I’ve bought more expensive, flattering jeans (salsa secret mum-tummy hiding jeans) and high waisted leggings.

They cost pennies per wear, but for some reason I have a mental block about spending a lot of money on everyday wear, yet feel ok about buying an occasional dress that sits in my wardrobe and is worn twice.

Inspired by a thread on here I also went through my wardrobe and identified the gaps and have spent the last couple of years buying quite boring essentials instead of random pretty things that I have nowhere to wear

Start with tiny manageable changes. If you wear no makeup, then start with maybe some mascara or a bit of lipstick, or maybe some under eye concealer. Just one thing at a time though.

Stop living for one day/some day. The school run, the supermarket, the dog walk? These are your red carpet, your networking event, your catwalk. Instead of looking for excuses not to wear your best things, look for excuses to wear them. Don't those fabulous handbags and diamond studs deserve an outing?

Give yourself permission to be fabulous. Put on some perfume, paint your nails, get the curlers out and then put on something that makes you happy. Buy something you never normally would and try out some new colours. Have fun, and don't take it too seriously. Instead of coming from a place of "why would I do x" instead come form a place of "why not?"

I'd start with the earrings - put something to store them in overnight if you don't wear earrings to bed by your bed, and wear them every day. That will probably inspire you to make a bit more effort with makeup, maybe hair. Then make a weekly plan to paint your nails and you will have got the ball rolling.

Thanks, I've loved all your responses.

The school run, the supermarket, the dog walk? These are your red carpet, your networking event, your catwalk.

I loved this response from Auntyhope. You are absolutely right. My red carpet is this; going to the shops, school run, dog walk, coffee with friends and a lot of sport. I should make the effort to look fabulous at these things, not just tell myself that well, I am not going anywhere, I can wear my jeans and old T-shirt with holes in and no makeup. My friends all make an effort despite the occasion.

I'm thankful I have looked after the hardware though and am not starting from a point of having to lose loads of weight and sort out my teeth, skin, and hair. I am a bit of a health freak so that has done me good. I feel very physically fit and well. I see myself as a well-structured house that has the basics inside but needs an interior designer to tweak the decor and pull it all together.

I really love all your responses. THX.

Oh and p/t job red carpet too.

Wearing a bloody mask all the time gets in the way of makeup too.

Book a nails (I like gels) and hair appt. Then when you have these, book a return when there and stick to it as a regular schedule. Depending on your focuses and money situation, the same could be done for massage, facial, spray tan etc. Don't let yourself think you shouldn't spend the money/time on it.

In terms of dressing well for the day to day - I find it helpful to start by electing a day to dress well (do a bit of makeup, wear nice outfit) then work up. I now do make up again for clinic work days (3 days a week) - not cause i need to, cause it makes me feel good.

I heard this a couple of months ago and it has changed my life (in a really superficial way 😂)
Don’t save any thing for best. If you like it wear it all the time.
It literally can change everything overnight if you refuse to dress down anymore.
Initially I had to wash my best clothes all the time cos I didn’t have much. I’ve been building a more fun wardrobe via eBay and wearing better more colourful clothes rather than the mum uniform of Breton/jeans and all grey has affected me so positively.
Check out dress like a mum and lu in lu land on Instagram (esp lu) for pointers. Both inspired me to get out of a very similar funk x

Everyone’s got enough time to do a very simple makeup routine every morning - bit of CC cream, comb eyebrows, smudgy eyeliner on top lid, mascara, bit of blusher and a swish of lipgloss. And I certainly find it helps my mental well being when I know I look the best version of myself every day. And during lockdown I got into the habit of “dressing for dinner”. Get out of the dog walking scruffs, put a nice top on or even a dress (why not!?), bit of fresh Liippie and a hairbrush. Honestly so uplifting!

If you live near me , I'll help you .. I work in women's fashion as love helping women make the best of themselves .

I have recently adopted the "wear your gorgeous clothes whatever you are doing" philosophy. I now wear my monsoon dresses WFH for instance! No-one see them except on the school run, but I am excited to get dressed every day, and feel great. It's really made a difference to my mental health (and I've gone from slobby mum to stylish mum on the school run!)

Btw, I don't wear make up daily, or style my hair but just wearing something I love makes a huge difference. I shop on ebay so rarely spend over £20 on any item - even dresses, so it hasn't hit my wallet hard.

@OnMyThirdCoffee I understand OP as I’m feeling similar and since wfh over the past year I just haven’t made any effort. It’s tricky now to get out of the rut I have got in but I need to as will be returning to office soon.
I just wanted to say well done on the physical changes you have made. You should be proud of that. Would you mind telling me what has helped you with perimen and also what you have done to lose weight & get fit? I need to work on this but am seriously lacking in get up & go!