Trying to find myself, feeling lost and alone

[AsunaLeafa]

Hello you lovely people in my phone! Hope you are all doing well...I am a newbie to the site not posted much but just need to put the feelers.out there as I am sure I am not the only one feeling like this (😔)

I am 36, mumma bear of 3 step mumma bear of 1, relationship of 13 years and I feel like.i have absoloutly no clue who I am now all my Tony humans that I created are in school and growing up way to fast for my liking 😢

I just have so much I need to do and I don't know where to start,.I have gained weight currently weighing in at almost 12 stone I know its not much to people but when I was 6 stone all my life I feel huge and I am so depressed its affecting my life and my relationship, I have just stopped making any effort with myself I literally look like an extra from the walking dead most days! Corona hitting has just made me even more reclusive than I was before.

I havent got any real friends I decided I was going to stop chasing people up and see who messaged me first, 10 months later and still haven't heard from anyone.

I dont have any hobbies and I get bored super fast, I just really am so lost and I don't know what to do or where to even start. I am not the same person I was 20 years ago she is long long gone after everything I've been through. If you made it this far thank you! I just needed to rant to someone that isn't my 5 year old talking about spyninjas on youtube

OP.

Don’t mourn the you of 20 years ago. Of course you’re different.

How old are the kids? Do you get much time to yourself? Could you start by reading or going for a daily walk alone?

I think it is normal to feel how you do but, in the nicest possible way, you are the only one who can change it. Start small.

Hopefully someone with better advice will be along.

Hey, didn't want to read and run. You sound absolutely lovely and look at what you have achieved. You are probably teaching the point as I did, when the kids are getting older, and it's starting to reach the time to re-discover who you are and who you want to be. I guess I'm at the stage where I'm releasing the kids are growing fast and you need to make a plan for your future, to mind you. In terms of friends, it's hard work sometimes. I've seen friends come and go, school moms etc. I've reached the stage where I'm no longer prepared to waste time on people who don't treat me right and concentrate on those that do. People who want to be around me. I've been let down plenty over the years by people who I thought knew me better. Long boring story.The good news is, I'm still making new friends and hope I will continue to do so throughout my life. Anyway, you sound slightly overwhelmed, so it's going to take baby steps. Start with what you'd really like to improve on first. Is it your weight? Today is the first day, the day you've called for a bit of help, and I'm sure lots on here who are only delighted to support you and offer advice. I've worked my backside off for the past 12 months to lose weight and I've never been lighter for years. I feel great and wish I hadn't let those early baby years slip, as I ate my way through their early years!!! So what makes you happier. If it's starting by changing your eating, moving more, throwing some makeup on, then make that start. X

Ps I look back on photos over the years, and think, my god, the state of me. I can honestly say, I've never felt as good, or feel I looked as good as I do now, but it's taken grit.

Firstly, consider talking to your GP to discuss whether you are depressed and if so, what they can offer. It doesn't necessarily mean medication, it could be CBT or other therapeutic support.

It sounds as if you need to start carving some time away from your children. Do you have a partner and are they supportive/do their fair share of child care?

I would suggest a small first step is to go for a short walk ON YOUR OWN this weekend. Stride out, get your heart rate pumping a bit. Perhaps listen to some favourite songs or alternatively actively listen to the sounds of the birds, the traffic, whatever. What can you hear in that moment?

Have a look at mindfulness apps like Calm and start to try and do a short guided meditation before bed - again, starting to carve out mental time and space for yourself.

Have a nice bath with good smelling things, do a face mask etc - not because you need to be "more beautiful" or fix some body but because you deserve some "me time" and some joy

Your weight is not the cause of the way you are feeling - it's a symptom. So start this weekend with the small step of doing something just for yourself and by yourself.

You can build up then to carving out more time for yourself - to exercise, to try new hobbies, to build friendships.

But if you are where you sound like you are now, completely changing your life next week to start going to Zumba classes six days a week probably isn't realistic so start with something small this weekend.

You also need to start retraining your family to get used to you not always being at their beck and call so they don't block your efforts - either intentionally or unintentionally.

the (probably only) great thing about corona is... there's hardly anyone about, and the people who are out walking all look like they're wrapped in duvets and are hiding behind masks and hats. Get out, walk around, it will help. Every day, spend 15 minutes doing something just for you. Paint your nails, sort your eyebrows, whack on a facemask. Make soup.

Look for things you can do when all this lockdown stuff is over. Maybe look into meetup groups and stuff? You can start chatting now, building up contacts, etc, and when we're all out of this mess, you can start meeting up with people who are interested in the same things you are. You could look into volunteering, a college course, a part time job (assuming your not working): there's loads of things you could be into but you won't know 'til you have a look.

Me? I'm looking forward to going canoeing, when all this is over.