Wavering on the lockdown grey grow-out - talk me round!

[EyesWithAFace]

Like many(?) others I decided to use lockdown to finally grow out my grey, and was inspired and cheered by several previous threads on the subject.
I am in my late fifties, and my original colour was a medium-darkish brown. I have coloured my hair (at home) since about my thirties, originally for "fun" (eg. to make it a bit darker or auburnish) then to cover greys.
I used to use permanent dyes then about 5 years ago switched to semi-permanent as I thought it would be less damaging to my hair. However for the past few years it just looked crap, as the dye made it orangey-brown and I had to dye the roots every few weeks.

So, I decided to join the lockdown bandwagon, and last dyed it in March 2020. I have about 4-5 inches of grey, and browny/reddish at the ends (also about 4-5 inches, as it's shoulder length).
It looks terrible but I'm trying to stick with it till all the dyed hair has grown out.
I'm really struggling with the psychology of it, as I see myself as a brunette, not a grey-haired old person. Sometimes (in certain lights) I think it'll turn out OK, but most of the time I just feel drab and dowdy.
I really want to stick it out, as I'll have to embrace the grey one day, so why not now? The dyed hair was very aging anyway, but at least I felt like me.
I also want to stick with it as a statement - why can men my age and younger go grey without comment, but women can't?

I will never go grey until I’m proper old and can put bright toners through my (hopefully) silver hair.

If you’re not happy with how it looks then give up and dye it. I’d get advice about professional dye that will cover the grey properly

Ageing as in “looking like a middle aged woman” is different to “frumpy”. Although if you want to be either or both of those things, that’s fine too.

My face is 50, my greys shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.

I’m going to grow out the dye when I lose weight and get a good cut. I have a pretty good cut now, but I have wavy bob-length hair and want to do something more edgy when I’m slimmer.

A combination of waves, length and weight would tip me over into the ‘let herself go spectacularly’ bracket at the moment.

I started to grow mine out prior to lockdown so my last dye was May 2019. I found the spell between 3 and 10 months hardest, and had a toner put on the ends a couple of times in between to try and manage the transition.

Are you able to tell what kind of grey you'll have? I love folk who have the platinum steel vibe going on but mine is more white/grey mixed and actually I do like the white now - is starting to feel striking as it hits the point where there's very little dye left.

I think when you are having doubts it's worth revisiting why you did this: However for the past few years it just looked crap, as the dye made it orangey-brown and I had to dye the roots every few weeks.
I was similar - liked my hair for about a week every 7 weeks when I was dying it but when first dyed it was too dark and once a few weeks had passed it looked kind of blorange... It's not a choice between the hair you had at 19 or what you have now!

YY to "It's not a choice between the hair you had at 19 or what you have now". Coming to understand that was what made me start growing mine out and sticking to it. I would love to have the shiny chestnut hair of my youth but that isn't going to happen! I had highlights for a while, which looked nice, but my hair got dry and frazzled. It's now growing back thick, healthy (insane amount of new baby hair) and steel grey, with white temples. On days when I make no effort it looks a bit of a mess, on days where I try harder it can look quite good - so no different to how it was when I dyed it. And yes, I don't look like a 19 year old any more, and that's absolutely fine.

Look at Grombre on Instagram, loads of beautiful hair there to inspire and motivate x

I'm older than you OP but completely grey now. It was so hard to accept this but very glad I have.
It was not about the time I spent at the hairdressers (I always had it done professionally as I'm useless with home dying) so I would have full head colour with highlights

The trouble was... it was lovely on the day I had it done but my hair is very porous and it would go a horrible brassy colour in any sun at all. So I was never happy with it.

To go through the transition to grey, I had ash highlights on my medium brown hair and I honestly barely noticed the 'going grey' stage.

I wish I was a pearly white but I'm not. I was badger dark and white which I hated, but it's slowly going whiter which I like.

The only problem is... lockdown. I am fine with my hair if it's cut every 5 weeks, I hate myself with longer grey hair but hey ho I'm not going out so it doesn't matter.

I always swore I would dye it till I was pushing up daisies but hair changes... the texture and the colour and dyeing it was just not working for me anymore.
Good luck OP.

I'm 41 but I'm completely grey on top, and dark brown underneath - I have almost no greys underneath. I work in a customer facing role so even though I was sick of having it dyed, I didn't feel like I could grow it out professionally. But covid has been great for that, and looks like I won't be seeing anyone in person again this year either due to the flight restrictions.

I'm not sure how it's going to look. I've had dyed dark brown hair for decades. It's shoulder length and wavy/curly. I straightened it for years but now I'm also sick of that so have been trying the curly girl method to some success.

Basically I think you find yourself in a situation where neither route ahead is perfect, my beautiful brown hair is gone, but perhaps embracing the grey is the lesser of two evils.

The money I save on dying I'll spent on a make up overhaul to match my new colouring.

@MadameButterface if you're anywhere near manchester gimme a shout, as I'm keen to find a curly specialist.

My little brother went very grey in his early twenties and it looked so unusual (he had thick black hair and massive black eyebrows and blue eyes), he really used it to his advantage with the ladies! Men get it so much easier.

I have decided to grow out my gray and have about 2" of roots showing and the rest is dyed lightish brown.

What can I put on at home that is semi permanent that will blur the line between the new gray and the dyed hair? Something more gray based rather than light brown based I think.