What next in my failing quest for decent hair?

[ohmywhatshouldido]

I've always had pretty awful hair in that it lacks volume (despite there being plenty of it), gets greasy quickly and needs washing every day but also because I've just never managed to learn how to style it properly to the extent that I look constantly dishevelled and whatever the opposite of put together is. It doesn't seem to matter as much when I wear contact lenses as I wear heavy eye makeup which detracts attention away from it but when I'm wearing my glasses I just feel like a tramp.

I decided to use lockdown to do something about it and bought tons of products, dug out old styling tools and resolved to watch lots of Youtube videos as well as getting a perm, as I felt this might help add volume and combat greasiness, meaning I could get away with washing it less often.

And on the latter front, the perm has worked - I can go much longer between washes and my hair has plenty more volume. But the curls don't suit me (I was told it would be loose waves but it is curlier than I'd hoped) so I have just been brushing it out into a big ball of frizz and consequently still don't have any way of achieving presentable hair, despite having put in tons of work and time!

I thought the perfect solution might be styling it straight using either my Revlon one step or L'Oreal steampod but neither of these has really worked - I got a great result from the One Step initially but it went crazy frizzy the minute I stepped outside and the steam pod just leaves it looking dry, even after Olaplex and tons of conditioner/coconut oil prior to washing.

So my question is, where do I go from here? Has anyone ever tried a keratin treatment or relaxer on permed hair and if so would that help with the frizz without killing the volume or taking me back to a place where I have to wash it every day again? Or if I got a keratin treatment (when the hairdressers open) and it did kill all the volume, would I be able to re-add this with dry shampoo and more time spent on styling (dry shampoo has been one of my big lock down discoveries!). I have this feeling Keratin would just kill all volume dead unless you could avoid using it on the roots but would this look strange? Failing this, does anyone have any other recommendations? I have a lot of problems I'm trying to solve in my life at the moment and while this is the least serious by miles, figuring out how to make my hair look styled and presentable would be a massive confidence boost!

Get rid of all sulphates and silicones. Work on your protein/moisture balance.

Tried ditching the sulphates and silicones and I can't say it made any noticeable difference to be honest, sadly.

And how do I combat the frizz without killing the volume?!

@ohmywhatshouldido

Tried ditching the sulphates and silicones and I can't say it made any noticeable difference to be honest, sadly.

How long did you give it? And did you properly check all ingredients?

I did a proper clarify with a harsh sulphate shampoo to remove silicone build up before I switched to sulphate and silicone free products. Even my hairspray is silicone free.

It can take a few weeks to get used to the new routine.

Weightless by shea moisture is really light but moisturising.

Most frizz is caused by hair being dry and potentially lacking protein.

Have a look at Curly Girl Method for products even if you ignore the styling half of the method xx

Hair styling mousse can combat frizz without losing volume.

These are excellent

This redden protein treatment is silicone free. As is Olaplex

Brilliant conditioner

Honestly don't keratin straighten a perm, you're hair may well just start snapping off.

Can you rock a pixie cut or similar?

Sulphate free/curly girl can work for some but going sulphate free is not always a miracle cure for everyone. I'm not saying it's not good advice as I k but if OP has tried it it might not just be a case of wrong products etc.

This is a stupid question maybe but how long do perms last? Because I did a little google as had heard of a body wave perm and if your stylist is doing it with the big 1 inch ones it shouldn't have been so curly - maybe you can ask them?

It sounds like you were so close to a good solution with the perm!

And it sounds weird but have you thought about going blonde? Your hair will definitely be drier and have a bit more texture and I know some people with fine hair have said this is one of the reasons they have gone blonde.

Might give the Shea moisture stuff a try first, although I've tried so many things by this point I'm not feeling hugely confident.

Sadly I don't have the face shape or bone structure for a pixie cut or anything like it.

A perm will just create loads and loads of frizz, as will bleaching. Though I agree bleaching will help the roots have more texture but you can fake that with dry shampoo etc

I gave the silicone/sulphate free regime a few weeks and just bought products recommended as curly girl compliant on a mumsnet thread. I didn't use a clarifying shampoo first because I couldn't figure out if anything that my local Sainsburys or Boots sell counts as such. I should probably try again doing that as a first step.

I think perms last until they grow out Pearl - so I'm stuck with it I think! The hairdresser said loose waves were possible but when I went to the salon and saw the tiny rollers, I was a bit panicky and thought of backing out. She said you couldn't use bigger ones as it wouldn't work so I trusted her but not sure that was the right decision! Probably in hind sight it was as it was the perfect time for experimentation and now I know it's not the ideal solution but did bring about some of the desired effects! I've been getting blonde highlights for decades which does help with the volume, you're right! Goodness knows how greasy my hair would be without them though!

Incidentally, I did have a Japanese perm many years ago and I'm thinking it was maybe the perfect solution. It gave my hair more volume and made it less greasy and they used the big rollers. The curls didn't stay and nor did I get waves but I was quite pleased with the result none the less. I haven't repeated it partly because it was expensive but more because it took about 7 hours iirc. And as an introvert, making conversation with a hairdresser for 7 hours straight (minus a bit of time with magazines waiting for it to take/set), wasn't something I felt I could face again. But I'm thinking it's maybe just a bullet I should bite again as it got my a half decent result (although I still wasn't great at the styling!).

Honestly, spend the money one time to go to a very high end salon (no compromising. Not just a decent one, but a truly expensive one) and ask them to recommend specific products, routines, and techniques and show you. This worked for me.

Now that you have a perm, I think you need to embrace the curls. The texture is going to be frizzy and have no shine if you try to straighten it. Although you say curls don't suit you, you could style them in a similar way to bridal hair. With a loose chignon, or roll, or parts at the front loosely pinned back. Google bridal hair for curls once you've got the condition right again.

Can you post a picture of your hair?

I agree with Diana. You've got curls now and you should try to get to grips with them rather than doing something else to your hair.

You didn't really try going silicone free as you didn't use the clarifying shampoo first so you are right to start again there.

My dc are both curly and I spent a year trying to try to understand their hair before cracking it. Not full time obviously but trying different products. Their hair looks the same but they both use different things on it. If one of them runs out of conditioner and uses the other dc's one or mine their hair goes crazy.

Consider extensions? I know they get a bad press, but truly they are the only way to get great hair if you have really awful hair naturally.

Theres so much choice now, lengthening, thickening, curly to work with your perm.

All the treatments, cuts etc will only ever get really bad hair to 'ok' level. If you want life changingly good hair you have to fake it.

People will say they are high maintenance, but so is constant faffing to get your own hair right. They will also say they damage your own hair, but if it's that bad already, it probably won't make that much difference.

OP invest in some Kevin Murphy products. They are absolutely fabulous. You can buy small tester sizes so you can try them out.

I have v straight but coloured hair & I use the hydrate me shampoo & conditioner. I alternate that with Angel shampoo & Young Again conditioner.
I have a detoxifying shampoo which I use every couple of weeks & a leave in detangling spray & an oil treatment.
My salon uses only Kevin Murphy products & I ve built mine up over time.
It's seriously the best range I've ever used & worth every penny
And they smell incredible!

@ohmywhatshouldido If your hair is curly you shouldn’t be brushing it. You can use a tangle tamer or a wide toothed comb in the shower but don’t touch the curls at all while they are drying.

No advice unfortunately but definitely want to piggy back for the replies! My hair is super long and just mental. Think beach waves with a slight Doc Brown frizz action going on - not a great look. I've tried varying curl creams, sprays, mousses etc and they all just make my hair feel sticky and loaded with product. Seems pointless to wash it then add tons of crap to it making it feel like it needs a wash again? Any advice welcome!

I started sulphate and silicone free about 4 years ago. It’s been a long road and the improvements take time but my hair is definitely better now. It used to be desperately dry. I just wash in silicone free conditioner once a week now. Texture is a lot better.