Depression and haircut

[Torketil]

I’m struggling with PND and considering getting a cropped haircut because I’m finding my long hair a struggle. It’s only shoulder length but thick and oily and takes ages to dry. I can only face washing it every 3-4 days, so half the time it’s up in a bun looking manky. I’ve got tiny kids and so no time to dry it, so wash day means it’s cold and damp around my neck or bundled under a hat getting weird kinks in it. It would be so much easier to have a style I could wash and dry quickly.
But.. my clothes are a jeans and t-shirt style that I’m happy with and with short hair I will look pretty masculine as I’m tall and a strong build.
It’s like it’s the last bit of femininity I’m clinging onto, even though I take no pleasure in it. Also, and this will sound stupid, last time I had short hair I found some men reacted really unpleasantly and I had homophobic comments which I don’t really want to deal with at the moment (I am bi, so not at all averse to giving out a gay vibe, but just don’t know if I can deal with the comeback from arseholes at the moment).
Would you do it? Anyone done it and hated it loved it?

Hi. I am sending you a big hug of support.

I switch between short and long hair a lot and I definitely preferred having shorter hair when my child was young because it required little styling. Growing it again now that I have a bit more time.

One thing that I have found at the moment is that long hair is so much warmer in the winter! And can be hidden under a hat if it is looking a bit wild.

Take care of yourself and I hope that things become easier soon.

Personally when I’ve had shorter hair it’s been more of a hassle to style and upon waking has been sometimes pretty much a mess which doesn’t make me feel great after a glimpse in the mirror when waking up.
So instead I grew mine to it’s longer and I now wash it, kind of scrunch it (it’s a bit wavy) and then leave it. The thing is my hair is fine so doesn’t take that long to dry on it’s own. I also sometimes when it’s damp take the front sections and twist them and then put a grip in so they are out of my face and when the grips are taken out it looks a nicer.

I am thinking there is either a pixie crop where even if it’s messy it still looks effortlessly chic and cute, or long hair that you can have up/leave to dry. When the children are older you will have more opportunity to do more hair stuff if you want?

Also as another thought what about some highlights or bayalage so even when it’s left it still looks cool and undone and when it’s up in a bun that can look good too with the different tones running through it.

I wouldn't. Short hair needs regular trimming to keep the style and who knows when the hairdressers will be open again.

I've had my hair quite short and I'm a similar build to you (tall at least as I'm now more flabby looking than strong) and I have thick hair which can get oily. I loved short hair but I didn't finally it particularly low maintenance. It would stick up all over the place in the morning and required more styling than my current short bob. Speak to your hairdresser to see what they think.

Whatever you decide to do, look after yourself. PND is bloody horrible and tiny kids and covid certainly make things harder.

Finally *find

How about a nice "messy" bob? If you've got any wave in your hair I reckon you could get away with just letting it mostly dry naturally then give up a blast with the hairdryer upside down for a bit of volume.

It'll be light enough to not hang too much when it's greasy and you could chuck some dry shampoo on it days 3-4.

I had short hair for years and loved the easiness of it day to day. The problem is getting it cut more often than you have to with longer hair. I also felt much put together as it was in a style.

My solution to that was finding a barbers that would cut it. Much quicker and no washing or having to make appointments, Some of them won't do women's hair though.

I wouldn't cut it unless you can cut it yourself - who knows when you'll be able to get to a hairdresser. And if you can't find time to even dry your hair, how are you going to maintain it?
I'd say, don't fuss about the stye, learn how to roughly blow dry it quickly. You don't need brushes and proper styling, just clean and bouncy which you can do by bending over and drying it while ruffling. If you put it in a high ponytail/bun straight afterwards it will give it a great bounce anyway. It need only take less than 5 mins.
I think this is more a question of you being depressed and probably overwhelmed by the demandingness of small children, and it is a very sad state of affairs if you really can't get 5 minutes every few days to dry your hair so that you are not walking around with a cold head.
Is there anything that can be done to carve out a little time for yourself - is the children's father around?
Small children, especially if close in age, can be very hard to manage by yourself even in normal times, when you can get out, and people can pop round to lend a hand. It must be so difficult in the current climate. Do what you have to to have clean hair - it will make you feel better. If the babies scream for 5 minutes while you dry your hair, it's not the end of the world. Sorry, I know this is not a proper solution when what you actually need is physical help in the form of a break and enough sleep.

I've always found hort hair to be much more work than long hair. I think you would regret it.

Thanks everybody for the really kind comments.
The choppy bob @Fuckstickss might be ok , though I think it would still have to be long enough for the dreaded ponytail.
@Beachlovingirl That does look really nice and I admire it on others.
@DelphiniumBlueMy husband leaves very early for work and the baby is terrified of the hairdryer whilst the toddler can’t be left for a minute without him doing something destructive or that will take an age to clean up. So it all seems like a lot of effort. I feel like buzzing it all off!

I did that. I shaved the back and sides to a no 1 which I kept topped up at home myself. Then the top I could either put in a "man bun" on very low effort days or curl and wear styled if I had more energy
It was liberating and really helped when I had little energy and "want" or energy to look after myself
Eventually I cut it into a crop and then grew it out when I was bored of it.
It definitely can look very androgynous or make some idiots think what they want to think but I cared more that I could now do my hair in 5 minutes than what people I don't know thought of me

I did this when my son was 2 and it was amazing, kept it for 7 years and have grown it out over lockdown and because my usual stylist is on mat leave. Seriously tempted to short again as soon as there is a hint of normality.
In terms of upkeep. I started off with the wrong cut with a stupid long sweeping fringe that had a life of its own. Then I had to see a different stylist and she just lopped that but off and took it much shorter on the back and sides and it was perfect.
Daily styling was very quick with the right cut and I got away with washing it less. Drying it involved blasting it forward for a couple of minutes and adding some putty (not wax) and scrunching it up.
It needed cutting every 6-8 weeks so you have to go as short as you dare on the cut on the back and sides but I have a lovely DH who accepts this is my me time and that’s fine.
In terms of looking masculine, I have a casual style too, in the seven years I had short hair I was never mistaken for a man or had any mean comments. It’s not a man’s haircut! In fact I had loads of compliments and felt very polished and like I had impact especially at work.
But if you are worried about looking masculine then earrings are the thing that finishes the look.
I want to go back now I’ve written this

Have you thought about an undercut? I couldn't believe how much easier my hair was to style/dry and it had a nice edgy vibe to it as well. I loved my undercut though my hair is about a centimetre long all over now (got a handy with the clippers 🤷🏼‍♀️)

@70sduvet @Procrastatron @8 @8lue8ird That does sound much easier.

Its shit that men can wear jeans and a sensible haircut, while women are still worrying about getting shouted at on the street if they do the same!
Although, I’m barely seeing anyone, so does it matter.
Not sure I’m cool enough for an undercut. My husband would have to do the back and it would definitely be wonky😄
I might get a proper hair drying towel and see if that helps first before I get I get it chopped.

With short hair I was never able to let it dry naturally - it was a mess.

Are you in tier 4 or can you get it cut by a hairdresser? If someone could either do you an undercut or thin it out with some layers or feathering for you that should make drying a bit easier.

Two things op:

A good short hairstyle which "falls in to place" after washing depends so much on a good cut , and that's not poss ATM, so I wouldn't go for that option currently

Get yourself a Philips 2200w Thermoprotect hair dryer - it's really powerful which cuts down drying time - and use it when your DH gets back from work in the evening for the next day

Hope you are feeling more yourself soon