Curly haired wild child

[Motherwell91]

My 3year old DD has very curly dense hair. I just want some advice on how to manage it seems to be a lot of conflicting information. How often should I wash it? Do I use conditioner and leave in conditioner? Any brush or comb recommendations? Some advice recommends moose and wax daily will this not be damaging or cause scalp irratation.? Also it appears to be growing outwards rather than down if that make sense is this normal for curly hair or am I doing something wrong?. It is really hard to put up as well hair ties ping put of her hair so any advice to be able to put it up would be great. The rest of us apart from dh has straight hair but all he does is shave it off as he hates it. So I really want to learn how to look after her hair well so she learns to love it and feel confident with it as I think even if it is hard work to manage it is beautiful

Read up on the curly girl method, basically it's sls free shampoo, I use a solid one, and silicon bred conditioner, I need to use both a wash out and a leave in to turn frizzy into curls. I understand about the growing out rather than down, if DS1 doesn't keep his short it grows out like an afro, no insult to people with afro hair, it genuinely looks like a light brown afro with a ginger fringe.

This brand has shampoo, conditioner and products for curly hair, for kids. They are really good. naturalisticproducts.co.uk/collections/mixed-chicks

Usually it's comb when the hair is wet and has conditioner in it, with a wide toothcomb. Then dry with a micro finer towel, don't rub the towel in just scrunch the hair until most of the moisture is out.

Don't brush the hair when dry. Just comb with your fingers a bit and spray with a mist of water, rub a bit of leave in conditioner in your hands and scrunch in the hair.

I wouldn't wash too often. DD has long curly hair and it got washed once a week.
Detangle when wet and with conditioner. I used a detangle spray for daily torture.
If really curly, have a look at curly girl. You basically don't use shampoo at all and use sulphate free conditioner.
My hair is quite wavy and I find a leave in conditioner after I have washed and conditioned hair is good for me.
Shorter hair gets less tangled. DD asked for hers to go from past shoulder length to a short bob mostly to ditch the tangles. It's a short crop now and she's much happier!

So I really want to learn how to look after her hair well so she learns to love it and feel confident with it as I think even if it is hard work to manage it is beautiful

as well as the above advice, you could start by avoiding using adjectives such as wild for her hair. She'll constantly hear messages about wild, unruly, messy, taming... -from you and from wider society, but it's just hair, doing its thing.

No need to call it wild. It’s just curly. That judgement is rubbish, and forces a lot of people like me who grew up in a society that has that mindset to hate their curly hair. Praise it, find books with curly hair people in them, help your daughter love it.

Conditioner is the key. Wash once a week maybe? Refresh for hairstyles or daily with a spray of water and curl cream/conditioner. Hair stuff for black Afro hair works equally well on white curly hair. Aunt jackies, cantu etc. Only detangle when wet, use dentangling cream. Only ever use a diffuser if you have to use a hairdryer but honestly air drying is fine.

Never brush or comb when dry. Never get it cut when dry, only when wet, curly hair bounces up.

I have long curly hair, it’s actually easy to manage as long as I condition it and detangle when I wash it. It was only hard when I grew up because I didn’t have a clue because all my family had straight hair, but it’s actually quite simple. I can get away without washing for ages, but I tend to do mine and my daughters once a week as well.

Curly hair is different to manage but not necessarily harder.
Cut well it stays in shape better, DD's hair looks amazing if she gets caught in rain or drizzle - her curls spring up into little corkscrews. Mine less so...
Her hair is also an unusual colour and gets her a lot of attention (not always wanted!).

Thankyou for all your great advice, apologies for the term wild I didn't think of the negitive effect that wording could have. DD has her hair commented on everywhere we go all positive. She has white blonde hair which I think makes it stand out more. A few of you mention not washing too often but using products in between does this not need to be washed out each day then I thought it would cause 'build up'?

Curly hair always grows outwards until it gets long enough to have weight behind it. Mine, dry, has to be an least an inch below my shoulders

Unless doing something, I always keep it in a plait as then it doesn't knot

Only brush when wet. I can only wash mine 2/3
Times a week otherwise it's too dry.

I use normal coconut oil on mine after washing to keep it moisturised and controls the frizz. Cheap and doesn't make it crispy/look wet.

In my experience it didn't need washing out. It was just a spritz of product. If anything, a bit of build up and slightly less clean hair made it more manageable and less frizzy. I genuinely only washed it once a week - I don't wash my own hair daily either. Looks and smells fine.

If you are using conditioning products between washes, no, u don't get build up as they are just absorbed

https://curlycailin.ie/what-is-the-curly-girl-method/

People, she is three years old. No need to start on the no brushing no shampoo stuff now when her hair is undoubtedly still silky fine baby hair.

@Motherwell91 can you take a picture to see the curl pattern? To satisfy my nosiness

You need a good brush - a Tangle Teaser doesn’t pull too much for little heads - and a spray bottle. Wash as normal, whatever you’re using now is likely fine, and use the brush to detangle when wet. If it gets really knotty, then you can slather her with conditioner and only brush then.

You don’t need to wash every day, use a spray bottle to spritz with water and finger comb to keep it neat and work out any knots from sleeping. Get a hairdryer with a diffuser if you don’t have one already - it’ll be good for those chillier mornings apart from anything else.

You honestly don’t need to worry about the Curly Girl method until she’s older and her hair has changed. Wash as much as is necessary for a child or her age, who is more likely to get food and paint and stuff in her hair. I personally think any finishing products like wax or serum are unnecessary at this age.

My understanding of the curly girl method, of which I am a big fan, is to use just water, or if necessary, conditioner (no SDS, no silicon) in place of shampoo.

How would that work on your child's hair?

I have curly hair and have to wash it everyday else it is just a tangled mess
Guess it depends on the type of curls you have

Curly girl method is useful, easy and in the long run will save a lot of faff so I don’t understand the negative post upthread.

I wish my mum had known how to deal with my hair. I was a frizz ball as a child because DM blow dried my hair whilst brushing it with a bristle brush.

My DD (3) has curly-ish hair. For now I’m just taking the approach of using a gentle shampoo, comb when wet, gentle squeeze in a towel to dry the ends and that’s it.

@Fidgety31

I have curly hair and have to wash it everyday else it is just a tangled mess Guess it depends on the type of curls you have

It depends how u wear your hair. If I needed to wear my hair down all the time I would have to get it wet more often (I wouldn't wash, prob just wet and possibly condition) but keeping it in a plait, definitely in bed, stops it tangling.

I keep trying to post some pictures can I not do it on the app it keeps coming up with success but doesn't seem to be posting?

@INeedNewShoes curly girl is useful - I do it myself - but it’s just not necessary for a child of 3! Toddlers have silky fine hair, it’s completely different in texture to adults hair and just doesn’t require the sort of babying that adult hair does. Using easily available cheap baby shampoo isn’t going to cause issues with a toddlers hair like it would with mine. Toddlers hair is also far more likely to get actually dirty than an adults.

What your doing with your daughter is exactly what OP needs for hers. Nothing more complicated. IMO of course!

My DD has very curly hair (she’s 5) - I wash it most days, but only with conditioner (any type - I don’t avoid SLS or whatever you’re supposed to). Only comb it when wet; I’ve found a wide toothed comb works best.
In the morning I spray it with water and the comb it through with a bit of Curly Ellie leave in conditioner.
And my DD’s hair didn’t start to grow down until she was at least 3. It was half-way down her back when wet but, when dry, it would bounce back up to her head!

My DD is 2 with super curly hair. I was it once a week. I use a really gentle shampoo and then a child’s farm conditioner. I use a really small amount of conditioner but I don’t wash it out. In between days I spray it with the child’s farm detangler and comb it with a wide tooth comb to separate it. I can use KY jelly get her curls to clump together and look really fab, but she’s 2 so I don’t really do it often. No advice on putting it up as hers is not longer enough for that.