Plus size clothes / personal stylist gift

[Doughnut100]

My very dear friend has been through a terrible time, depression, abusive relationship. She was a size 8 her whole life and is now I think somewhere between 16 and 20 I'm not sure. She says just getting dressed in the morning makes her upset. She is so fragile and I think maybe acknowledging her new size is incredibly upsetting to her too.

I want to buy her some clothes or maybe a personal stylist/shopper session for her birthday. She is 32 and likes comfy casual stuff, Breton striped tops, cord tapered trousers etc. I can spend £100.

John Lewis do free personal stylist video chats but their plus size clothes don't look very nice.

Any gift ideas or tips about what to buy & not to buy etc? Thank you

I'm not sure it's a good idea, tbh. If she wears earrings or make up i'd get her that.

Maybe get her a voucher for Boden or Landsend, as they both do larger sizes? Honestly, I think your heart is in the right place but I can’t imagine her appreciating an actual gift of clothes.

Spa day instead

Personally I would wait until this lockdown is over and go out with her to buy her present .

Seasalt have lovely casual plus size clothes .

Yours is a great shop for larger sizes. The clothes are reasonably priced and your friend would get a lot of pieces for £100

Emily Innes on Instagram is a stylist who is great for curvier sizes. She looks great and has a big following

Thank you all this is so helpful. Yes maybe those of you suggesting I shouldn't actually buy clothes are right.

Definite no- at times in my life when I have gained weight- this would have been my nightmare- having to explain to a stylist my new body and feeling awful about it
Spa day would be awful as well when I felt like that- gained weight and now in a swimsuit
Buy her a voucher but be careful- you say you don't know if she is a 16 or a 20- so be careful what shops you choose, some are cut small so a 20 may not fit if she's a 20.
Yours is OK- you can find some nice bits there but the website is not good- it's lots of old fashioned out of date Plus size fashion- this would make her feel worse- also, practically if she is a 16 Yours runs big- I am a standard size 20/22 and I can buy a 16 at Yours.
You sound like a lovely friend- I would have loved someone to get me a voucher and some nail stuff/ jewellery/ toiletries - you want her to get to the point of liking herself and choice comes into that- being bought clothes by a friend would have felt patronising and embarrassing to me (I know you are not in any way doing that- its just how I would have felt if I was sensitive about it)

What’s the thinking on a spa day? Nowhere is open until December at the earliest and someone with no body confidence isn’t exactly likely to enjoy getting half naked in front of strangers.

I would stay away from clothing and go for jewellery or a bag instead.

@crochetmonkey74 thank you so much for explaining in detail. Actually I think you're right that in a way I would be taking away her choice. I am the kind of person to jump right into situations and I know the other person can experience that as overbearing so I will keep a check on myself.

I'm not usually a fan of giving money but I think in this situation I maybe I could offer her a few things I'd like to give her and let her choose - like would you prefer cash, a shopping trip after lockdown, a voucher for Boden or Yours, a personal stylist appointment. And then send flowers so she has something physical.

My idea of buying clothes was that she hates the process of choosing them so if a few sizes of a few pieces arrived on her doorstep it might make it easier. But I can see how that would go wrong if she didn't come out of the end of it feeling good.

Going against the grain a bit and only speaking for myself, but I would love this as a gift. I am currently the biggest I have ever been and I have found that some new pieces here and there have done wonders for my self esteem. I felt like shit in my too-tight, smaller clothes, which just didn't suit my 'new' body shape and size. Now I can put together an outfit and, although I know I don't look the same as I did before, I still look nice enough.

That's just me and clearly others say they would hate it, so probably quite personal.

It's lovely of you to think of doing this for your friend though! You sound like a good friend.

I sometimes get a box from Lookiero. I think they go up to an 18.

I think flowers would be lovely, with a thoughtful message in a card. I wouldn't want attention drawn to the fact I've put on weight and need new clothes, even if she says so herself. You are a lovely friend though. I'm sure a lovely surprise bouquet of flowers delivered would cheer her up a bit.

Can i make a suggestion and suggest that you bin off Yours as an offer?

This is nothing against Yours- I have just bought a really lovely shirt from there- but if she is suddenly plus size - Yours is a bad shopping experience- better Plus size shops are Mango Curve, River Island, ASOS, New Look. A voucher from any of these also allow her to buy accessories or shoes if she is not ready to do a lot of trying on etc - ASOS is great as the returns are so easy- she can order in, try things and return or keep if they are a hit. I just think tread carefully- clothes are so personal anyway and weight gain is so sensitive- personally for me- I would love it if my friend said 'post lockdown lets do lunch and shopping' Another option if you are near one is John Lewis vouchers. This is a real treat shop for me and makes me feel lovely -The key to making her feel better is not actually the clothes- it's her feeling valid, and wanting to treat herself- she might not be ready to do the clothes thing yet so a voucher would allow her to buy other treat things. I dunno, to me you buying her clothes is sort of 'helping her out' as she has a problem (being bigger) and as a lovely friend, I think you don't want her to see herself as a problem.
She sounds like she's been through a lot- don't make it all about the weight gain- healing is needed at every level- this is just the easiest thing to see.