Oh FFS. I think the only alternatives are a facelift or a balaclava

[CharlottesComplicatedWeb]

I know ageing is inevitable. I know I’m old (born 62) and yes, I probably ought to do something worthwhile to take my mind off it but...

I’ve recently tried to lose weight and get fitter. Have lost 20lbs and feel good. Clothes fit better and can run further. All good. Today, we met up in a socially distanced way, to walk around a country park. It was dry but very windy. We took photos and shared them on our phones. Thinking I feel so much better than pre-Covid catastrophe, I was bloody shocked at how old and utterly knackered I look. My jawline as gone. My face looks tired. I had way too much mascara on so that I’d look awake (not sleeping well as have a painful protruding spinal disc at L5 and T12 together with a dh who snores and a cat who wakes me at 5am to go out 🙄). Even so, I wasn’t prepared for what I look like.

I know I ought not to care. My nan looked older than me at 45 but hey, life was tough then. Is it stress of modern life? Too many diets?

Is it acceptable to wear a hajib if I am not of the Muslim Faith. Either that or I need to invest in a good surgeon.

Anyone have any idea of good creams that work on tired ladies pushing 60? Ought I just to go makeup free and suck it up? God knows.

Regarding the photos, my sister is a bit of a selfie Queen and we were howling at the terrible state of my face in the selfies she was taking of us (much wine was had).

She gave me instructions to open my mouth and put my tongue on the roof of my mouth, tilt my face forwards and my chin up and to not actually smile as it makes my face wrinkled. Omg the effort 🤣🤣. But it actually worked.

I look nothing like myself in photos, usually. The camera is a bitch.

@Ohee note to self to read full thread, have seen links, thanks

There are lots of face yoga videos on YouTube.

Why is it that we bevome "saggy" and "haggered" as we age, but men "mature like fine wine" apparently?

I think we could save a lot of time and money by reframing the changes we see in our faces.

I could say "look at my sunken eye area" or i could say "my, how much more defined and dramatic my features are becoming!"

How are saggy cheeks that hang down lower than your chin be described as defined and dramatic

I don’t think face yoga gets rid of excess skin

DH is 4 yrs older than me. When we married, it was obvious he was a little older. Now... not so much. I blame menopause and lack of oestrogen. Men never had it so... don’t miss it, as it were.

And @RuffleCrow... that’s a nice spin you have there but I cannot find anything nice about looking tired and cross. When I’m not.

Maybe it makes people less likely to mess with you @CharlottesComplicatedWeb ?! I don't know about defined @Oliversmumsarmy but it sounds quite dramatic to me!

Men might not have the same hormones but they do age at the same rate if my time on dating apps is anything to go by!

@Oliversmumsarmy face yoga is designed to build the muscles on which your skin hangs. If they’re bigger and stronger, your skin won’t hang as loosely. I watched this Australian woman, Peta I think. Some testimonies from women with sagging skin, over 60. YouTube.

I love your name charlottes complicated web. Off topic somewhat but as a lady of life experience what good advice would you give to us forty-somethings. Please

@maadlady... it’s early in the morning so, I’ll try to come up with something better as the day wears on 😉

I’d say treat your skin (and yourself and others) with gentle kindness. Don’t overwork it. There’s SO much stuff we can “do” to ourselves now, in the quest for perfection. It’s exhausting.

At each stage of my life, I felt “it” was too late. At 25 I settled for a certain life because I was told that it was too late to do this or that; whatever it was I really wanted to do. It wasn’t. It isn’t. I wish someone had told me/encouraged me to do what made me happy. Take advice if you need it, but don’t let the advice stifle you. Do what you want, is my advice.

Even though I’m looking wretched some days, I know I’ll look back on this time and think “wow, look at me there! I looked so happy/young”. This might be the good bit... no one knows what’s ahead.

I’ve recently had the stress of losing my mum and in the necessary sorting of her belongings, much has been revealed that I really didn’t know. My name IRL wasn’t originally mine. I was passed on (as it seems, you could be in 1962) as a baby to a relative whilst my sister lived with my parents. The rare photos of me show me living in a place I vaguely remember but still it’s a shock to see in black and white that I was separate and not where I ought to have been. I wonder now what the truth of my life is. I’ve an elderly aunt who has been helping me piece it all together but she’s 90+ and it’s hard for her. My mother may have thought she was doing the right thing in letting me go but actually, the legacy of that was that as an adult I always wanted to “belong” somewhere and I carried the guilt of knowing that I was the black sheep of the family as it were, for years. It’s only following my mum’s death that I know the full extent of my disjointed childhood. I think the stress of it all has aged me. Rapidly. I posted on here hoping a wonder cream might sort everything out! A little naive, I think!

I’ve gone off topic...

Be gentle with your skin. Don’t overdo things. Everything in moderation, including wine and chocolate or bungee jumping or whatever. Be kind to yourself. Don’t let people bring you down. Don’t drink 3 litres of water a day, you’ll never be out of the bathroom and might miss something good when you’re wasting all that time peeing. Sunscreen. A good book. Appreciate today... it might be “the good bit” before something worse happens! Dogs... much simpler than people. I recommend them.

No one need 500+ Facebook friends. I’ve two good, lifelong friends. I have a DH and a DS and it’s enough. And the dog. I try to forget that my father didn’t want me. Refused to have me in the same house with him. It really doesn’t matter now. I’m old and he’s dead. My mother loved me but let me go. She’s dead too.

Charlotte’s Web is indeed “complicated”.

Oh op that’s a lot to deal with. I lost my mum 5 years ago and I know my face showed the exhaustion and grief for a long while. Your advise about it never being too late is so true. You see you’re so wise and that comes with a few extra miles on the clock!

😊 Indeed

Well if hubs would divorce you and thinks it’s vanity I sure hope you never catch him sneaking an admiring peek at some young thing , like many of us see them doing . If so I would say hey you stop right there , how dare you tell me it’s vanity and self absorption. It’s very telling when most men have a weak was for the appearance of a young woman but are quick to accuse their older partners of being vain for wanting that same admiration. . Especially when they feel it might cost them some dollars
That aside , I’m where you are and won’t hesitate to go down the surgery path if and when I feel it’s something that will make me feel kore comfortable . Atm I see a good therapist for skin treatments and use tret but hell will freeze over before a hubs ( who has a keen appreciation for the beauty of a thirty year old) will patronise me and tell me I’m being vain or silly for wanting to look my best

@CharlottesComplicatedWeb

DH is 4 yrs older than me. When we married, it was obvious he was a little older. Now... not so much. I blame menopause and lack of oestrogen. Men never had it so... don’t miss it, as it were.

Yes that’s true the hormones play havoc with skin but I also find hyaluronic acid is our friend . You might find that using that daily and some tret make a big difference

@NomNomCheesecake... I think his point is more “you’re still lovely to me” or perhaps “you’ve had you’re youth ... you can’t turn the clock back”. Thing is, I just want to not look cross and tired. Some days I am tired. Possibly cross too but even the good days now, I look jaded. That’s what he doesn’t get.

To be fair, DH is an admirer of the more mature lady. Loves Helen Mirren/Kristen Scott Thomas but, would he be so enamoured with the Helen and Kristen who’s doing Sainsburys and doesn’t have the makeup/hair/lighting of the photo shoot?

[quote CharlottesComplicatedWeb]**@NomNomCheesecake... I think his point is more “you’re still lovely to me” or perhaps “you’ve had you’re youth ... you can’t turn the clock back”. Thing is, I just want to not look cross and tired. Some days I am tired. Possibly cross too but even the good days now, I look jaded. That’s what he doesn’t get.

To be fair, DH is an admirer of the more mature lady. Loves Helen Mirren/Kristen Scott Thomas but, would he be so enamoured with the Helen and Kristen who’s doing Sainsburys and doesn’t have the makeup/hair/lighting of the photo shoot?[/quote]
That’s nice to hear charlottesconplicatedweb, that he admires the more mature lady . Too often i year women here and also friends saying the opposite of men our age so that’s very refreshing .
I think you do what works for you though . I mean at the end of the day you need to feel good when you look in the mirror and like your outer reflection is shining back how you feel inside . You sound like a lovely lady and angry is definitely not what is a true reflection. I would give the topicals a try , tretinoin , vit c etc and see a good clinician . And if your not happy with those results maybe you could sit down and have another chat with hubs and see if he might understand that it’s not about having your youth back or about being a different woman to the one he’s attracted to . It’s about being the best version of yourself . That’s if your interested in any procedures of course . There’s no right or wrong . It’s all about what is right for you and what feels best for you

I'm 48. I've always looked younger than my age. No one ever believes me when I say my age, I got asked for ID buying wine in my 30s, I've got dark hair and I've barely got any greys.

And now, apparently overnight, I look my age, and the rest. Skin is fine, hair is fine, but it's where the skin is! As someone said up thread, it's falling off the bottom of my face. There is a line down from each side of my mouth that makes me look miserable. My teeth are dodgy and I've never had a good smile so that doesn't fix anything. I've spent 7 months seeing my face in zoom meetings and I don't like it at all. I am creeping closer to wanting surgery, but realistically we'll never have the kind of spare cash that would mean I could spend that much on me without feeling guilty. We have family money, and that much out of the pot isn't fair on the rest of the family. I'd better look up those exercises, but I never click on Daily Mail links on principle. Facial yoga here I come.

Can someone please ring Gillian Anderson and ask her what's she's had done and who did it?! I'm currently watching The Fall and my goodness she's gorgeous. And not just facially. But she also looks completely natural.

@RuffleCrow... Anderson looks amazing. I want to think she’s had Botox or something but she does look just naturally beautiful.