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Help me. I don't what my style is

9 replies

ashtyler · 18/08/2020 16:08

Been through some major life changes over the last decade and am having a lot of therapy due to past trauma. I've come to the realisation that I've never dressed for 'me'. I don't even know what my style is.

It doesn't help that I'm 5ft11 and a size 20 with enormous boobs. For example, I love Angelina Julie's outfits in The Tourist but id look like a Christmas tree in those.

I like to feel comfy and wear a lot of natural fabrics but I also want to look Parisian and put together. I have Birkies and converse but also like to wear heels (not too high as I have EDS and dislocate frequently).

I don't know what to do or how to put together my wardrobe really. How to be me and express that in my clothes. Ive gone for comfort over style during lockdown and look like a potato. I want to make some easy adjustments that make me actually start to like myself and my body. I have major body issues. I hate it. It's a thing that carries my mind around.( I'm having therapy for that too 😂)

Any tips for how to find out my style, oh wise MNers?

OP posts:
Bearnecessity · 18/08/2020 20:27

Hi there...just wanted to say good for you. I would check out Emmanuelle Alt she is about your height and does parisienne chic very well. A quality blazer, jeans, loafers, jumpsuits,shirts, knitted pencil skirts would be a good place to start.

Bearnecessity · 18/08/2020 20:29

You may want to invest in some quality underwear too, minimiser bra unless your happy about yer big boobs...only thinking about your potatoe comment.

AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 18/08/2020 20:33

Do you use Pinterest? Thats where I start off when looking for inspiration, I just pin anything I like and after far too many hours I notice its all pretty much the same style - pretty simple jeans and silk cami etc, and then I focus on just buying clothes that fit that aesthetic

botemp · 18/08/2020 21:06

Well I've just had a Google image search of AJ in the tourist and it doesn't really look like real clothing to me (not a criticism of your tastes). I'm just left wondering what you're attracted to in them, it's quite dramatic, yet very fitted with feminine tailoring and very high heels, has a bit of fluid movement, etc. I suspect that's all amplified on film (hence the costume feel to it). Rather than the practicalities of the items and how they'd look transplanted on you, can you try to distill some sort of essence that speaks to you? It's quite lady like to my eyes which is a style of dress that I do associate with dressing for politeness' sake, ie. others.

Style often gets pigeonholed into this 'good taste' notion of 'flattering', working with your body shape instead of against, quality fabrics, 'your' colours, etc. But those are just arbitrary fundamentals of dressing that you can choose to adhere to or not, and, yes, it is probably worth taking note of and there's endless information of it out there, just don't become a slave to it. Style is the essence of you that you imbue in it and what you wish to share of yourself to the outside world, in a subtle but legible language for anyone willing to take the time. You need some understanding of that and be prepared to share that with the world which is why personal style comes with a certain amount of vulnerability.

So without getting to deep, as you're clearly in the midst of figuring a lot of things out in therapy, but it's a question of who are you. The usual way is to look at others, celebrities, or clothes themselves and that can be helpful but it's probably just worth an exercise to set up two Pinterest boards. One full of random crap, anything but fashion, but that somehow touch you and draw your eye. Just keep adding and then do a good cull, only the best things get to stay.

Use the other board for more traditional fashion/clothing related references, doesn't matter if it would look good on you or not just include anything you're drawn to. Again, add, add, add and then ruthlessly subtract.

Then cross reference the two boards (maybe merge some of it into a third board) and try to look for overlaps. Is it softness you seek from undulating hills that echo in fuzzy mohair, or a very bright or very muted colour palette that goes from surreal landscapes to dresses, stern structure in modernist architecture and stiff starched pleats, a secret love of patterns in fabric and wild flower meadows, etc.

This won't tell you who you are but it will help narrow down your aesthetic preferences and that goes a long way to informing your style, baby steps and all that. Combine that with the fundamentals of dressing that work for you and you'll have some handlebars to go with. And don't worry, you're going to mess up sometimes but better to look a tit every now and then than to always be boring and appropriate.

IVORNOIDEA · 18/08/2020 22:23

It sounds like you identify with a classic clothes style but are struggling to translate that to your body type.

Firstly, forget size but figure out your body shape. Are you an hourglass or more apple shaped?

Next identify your best neutrals and build a capsule from there until you get a feel for what works.

IVORNOIDEA · 18/08/2020 22:26

I would also add look at the French chic recommendations for a capsule wardrobe and figure out what adjustments you need to make and what gaps you have in your wardrobe.

For example I am rectangle shaped with no waist so longer line/ tunic tops suit me more then hip level ones. So if I want a Breton I will buy a tunic style one and wear it with capri length trousers that just pull on so they don't add bulk around my middle.

ChickensMightFly · 18/08/2020 22:30

botemp I love your tutorial! What a great distillation of the process... I'm in a similar position as op and was lurking with interest, I'm taking that advice and going to see where it gets me. Smile

Someone9 · 19/08/2020 00:31

Very insightful post botemp... another one off to follow your advice Grin

thedevilinablackdress · 19/08/2020 12:09

Great advice upthread. I also like to people watch IRL and see what inspires me.

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