Help with thick hair

[DottyDetective]

I’ve got very thick, slightly wavy but very frizzy on top dark hair reaching just below my shoulders currently. Obviously hasn’t been cut in a while. It looks best down but it gets in my face/annoys me and I need it tidy for work. I really struggle with styling so probably 90% of the time it’s pulled back in a pony tail, which does nothing for me. I’ve tried following YouTube tutorials etc but my hair seems to fall out of most styles and isn’t held by little Kirby grips etc (my upstyle for my wedding required hundreds of them and a tin of hairspray). I know a cut would help but I’ve found most hairdressers want to cut layers in and don’t understand that I am not able to blow dry like they are.

I’m looking for (very very) simple styles that I can do in 15mins or less before work ideally (I have 3 small children to get ready in the morning as well as myself). Also any general ideas on managing thick unruly hair?

Your hair sounds similar to mine: thick, wiry, sttong wave. I have it short and cut into loads and loads of layers. I know you said you don't want layers but frankly I couldn't control mine when it was all one length. I never, ever blowdry it. I wash, mess it up, stick on some product (although I didn't even do that in lockdown as I ran out) and that's it. And I never comb or brush it.

The pic isn't me (if only!) but the hair's similar. I've tried many other styles but this is the one I always come back to. It does help that I suit short hair.

I have thick hair. I have it cut in a bob (it’s mid neck length) and I have an undercut which gets rid of a lot of the bulk meaning it dries quicker and is easier to style.

What I’d recommend is finding a very, very good stylist, my hairdresser is amazing. He has transformed my hair.

I also bought a dyson air wrap last year which has dramatically improved my ability to style my hair myself.

Can I ask why you don't want layers? My hair is very thick and like you it's wavy. I wear it long with long layers which encourage the wave and stop it going too mushroom-like. If it was all one length I think it would be pure frizz!

I hear your pain about kirby grips . I find a good high bun gets me through the bad hair days - the higher the better! I also like a kind of half bun half pony at the nape of the neck but round to the side. I think it looks a bit more textured and interesting, and allows some of my shorter layers to hang down by the opposite ear. Hope that makes sense!

You need a good hairdresser that can cut your thick hair in a flattering cut. Easier said than done but perhaps friends or family can recommend one or look at reviews?

Beware Bob cuts. There is a real danger you'll end up wth a gigantic triangle head. If you attempt to dry straight, it can quickly morph into a mushroom shape at any hint of moisture.
Thick curly hair also springs up in volume and curly ness when the length (weight) is cut out of it.

I like the first short cut. That would need styling.

It doesn't need any styling, apart from messing up when wet. It's why I like it.

I have long thick hair, its curly but I usually straighten it because then it stays manageable for at least 5 days. Palmers leave in conditioner coconut spray from the range in superdrug has been a god send for smoothing and detangling.
I usually pull mine into a low bun (a bit Kim Kardashian style!) And make it quite tight and slick with no flyaways. I also do a french plait some days. Sometimes a high bun, I just twist the hair up and secure with a band, then put a nice headband on too. Also I love just twisting it into a pleat starting at the nape and securing with a big butterfly clip, so the ends kind of spike out at the top. Always cut in some face framing shaping so you can have flattering bits of hair round your face if doing a messy bun too.

My hair is a bit like this but it's very long now. The last time I got it cut to my shoulders I didn't go for layers and got triangle head and it was hideous.

In the past if I have layers I found hairdressers get scissor happy and I end up with a mullet or a bad version of the Rachel. The other problem for me is that the shortest layer dries and splits first meaning I'd need it cut to the shortest layer to grow it ending up with mushroom head.

I often wonder if an undercut is the answer but I'm not brave or edgy enough.

I don’t like layers because it seems to make my hair even frizzier and more difficult to manage. If I have layers then I need to straighten it every time I wash it- working in a hospital means it’s most days at the moment!). Being one length seems to weigh it down and makes it easier to tie out of my face at least! I’ll try to work on a low bun, I’ve honestly never managed any hairstyle- as a child my mother forced me to have it short so I constantly had a mushroom cut!

I don't understand why having layers makes your hair even frizzier. It's the exact opposite for me - maybe we don't have such similar hair after all, sorry!

So when I say frizz I mean the top layer of hair flies away from the rest and frizzes up. The rest hangs like a slightly wavy triangular curtain!

I have the same hair as you. Layers are the enemy you're right. I get my hair thinned out every time I go to the hairdressers and use a hot straightening brush after I wash it. It's the only thing that gets rid of the fuzz halo.

OP I have hair exactly like yours.
Layers sit in weird steps, and add even more bulk. My hair only looks vaguely sleek about 4 days after washing, by which time it needs a wash again.
It's curly underneath ( which adds bulk) wavy on top and frizzy all over.
I've tried curly girl (left me with crusty shit rats tails), Brazilian straightening (costs a fortune and left me with a horrid slicked down 90s look) and a when I had a Bob my lovely Nan said it looked like " a China man's hat" she wasn't wrong.
My hair refuses to do any up styles other than a child's ponytail.
The only thing that works is finding a REALLY good hairdresser who understands thick hair. I have internal layers cut in, so the hair is one length from the outside but he lifts it up and slices hell away from the middle, I also have it graduated at the back to remove further bulk.
My hair is now vaguely passable, but will always be the bane of my life - I envy women who have those dainty little styles and hair that takes only 5 minutes to dry.

I’ve been known to wash my hair in the morning and find it still wet in places that evening! Drying naturally takes hours literally!

Even with my industrial strength Parlux it’s at least 40 mins!

Are you trying to straighten it?

My hair takes ages to dry naturally too ! We're talking all day.

I'm like mojitomogul I straighten my thick hair hair and put it in a variety of up dos (hate that word) but essentially a ponytail, loose bun or twisted in sections with face framing bits.

I always find shorter hair hard work. It needs styling particularly because I wake up with it pointing in all directions.

Maybe you need to find some really good products to tame your hair? I love Elvive Extraordinary oil.

I generally either straighten it with my ancient GHDs or somewhat with the hairdryer if going to work. Mainly as I can’t curl it myself.

Learn how to do a bun. You have so much hair you won't need a doughnut, and it keeps it nicely out of the way and looks neat. I learned to do it for ballet lessons when I was about ten, and still wear it like that!

Put in a tight ponytail whatever height you like, then grab it and twist it tightly, as many times as you can. Then wrap it around the bobble in a circle (it'll go one way more easily). You might get away with just wrapping another bobble around that, but you probably won't! Put in kirby grips to hold it, then (top tip!), use a bun net. Wrap it round twice if you can, and hold it with hairpins. If you can't get it round twice, use the hairpins to pull it tight. Bit of hairspray, and you're off. Put a scrunchie round it if you like.

I know that sounds long, but I can do it in less time than it took to write! I think a good cut would help though. I have mine cut to take the weight out, and it falls nicely and dries so much easier.

Ok, if you're trying to straighten / blowdry it then we're talking at cross purposes and I can see why layers wouldn't work.

For what it's worth, I spent years trying to tame mine and I would just love to get all that time back at the end of my life. It was totally pointless and deciding to stop fighting it and work with what I had was the game changer for me. Good luck!

That picture was to show bun nets by the way! Lots of people don't use them, but honestly, they're magical if you have thick slippery hair.

I’ve never even considered a bun net. Off to google!

A few things have helped me over the last few months. First, the usual supermarket/boots shampoos and conditioners were not doing enough for me and my hair tangled everytime I washed it. I tried the Tigi Bedhead Elasticate shampoo and conditioner and my hair is in much better condition. I've also stopped using a hairdryer or straighteners, I just put a bit of Boots curl creme in my hair when it's wet, and it defines my waves a lot better. When I tie up my hair I don't get those annoying flyaways to the same extent.

What happens if you put something like gel in your hair when it's wet and try to scrunch it up/defuse it? It sounds to me like you're fighting against a natural curl.

If your hair is taking 40 minutes to dry with a hair dryer, then it's also probably too long in the length.

My hair is naturally curly, but your hair sounds like mine if I don't do anything with it. I either put gel/product on it when it's wet and diffuse it to kind of dry. It scrunches up into lovely curls then. Otherwise I can blitz it with the hair dryer (turns into a frizz bomb) and pull the straighteners through it. If I'm feeling lazy, I put it in pigtail braids after I've washed it to dry it and then I can smooth it through with the straighteners the next day. I can't ever just leave my hair without styling it to some extent.

I'm with you on the hair taking hours to dry - mine has to be washed first thing else it's still wet at bedtime!