What IS my style and how do I find it?

[MintyJones]

I've just lost 3.5 stone and I've another 1.5 to go so my thoughts are turning back to what my style actually might be these days. I've spent 5 years in the obese wilderness and as I approach normal BMI I'm just wondering where to start as I've no idea what suits me

I'm 48 too and only 5 ft 3 so the things I may be automatically drawn to probably won't suit me and I don't want to look shit. I'm also aware I'm a bit 'try hard' but I have the uncanny knack of making stylish pieces look super unstylish. I own ..

All Saints leather jacket
Acne pistol boots
All manner of 'trendy' camouflage jackets
Every Nike trainers you can think of
Grenson Nanette boots
And the entire Hush collection - I live in everything Hush. And I manage to make all of the above look dowdy and rubbish

I have regular Botox and my nails are always nicely done. Same for my hair - always coloured and cut but again, I manage to just look frumpy - not helped by fine hair with a cow lick!

So - any ideas for me? I'm going to completely overhaul my wardrobe in October when I reach my target weight.

I like ... very casual stuff. Won't wear heels. I like 'trendy' trainers and sweatpants and Scamp & Dude sweatshirts - I just manage to make everything look terrible.

Any suggestions for me? Thanks!

Not sure what you'd call it but you sound very similar to me in both looks and style!

Ha really? We can be (non) style twins then!

I always wear make up and happy with my face (as happy as I can be!) it's just that I never ever feel stylish or well put together - maybe it's hard when you're wearing Hush harem pants, a black t shirt and Nanette boots and feeling a bit weird because A you're making it look unstylish and B see A

Same , I have all of those things . I think I look cool 🤷‍♀️😂

Your things sound cool! But what about a plain background and more interesting accessories whilst you decide? I mean black top and trousers and nice scarves. Eg, whilst browsing the Selfridges sale, I saw a really nice Zadig and Voltaire scarf which would go with your stuff. Camo ish off the top of my head.

You probably look really good. I like the sound of everything in your wardrobe

Well done on the weight loss!

Do you like all the "cool" things you own or do you buy things because they are trendy & see them on others?

I had Pistols but wore them every day for almost 2 years & but got rid of them 5 yrs ago, I prefer flat now but I am 5ft 9.

I am very casual particularly day wear so pretty much live in trainers of some sort, joggers & or boyfriend jeans & sweatshirt of some sort.

If I want to buy something the first rule is does it actually fit me & do I feel comfortable in it. 2nd rule do I have stuff to wear it with already or can I buy something to wear with it.

I definitely favour a scruffy look I have to say. But a clean and polished scruffy look and I've no idea why I can't pull it off. It's definitely not low self esteem or me just saying it ... I think being short and err still tubby doesn't help. Harem pants look better on willowy types so there's no escaping that fact!

And yep, I'll buy stuff I see on others that I think look cool. I can't go the other way and start shopping at Cos or Toast or Boden though as I'd feel silly and 'grown up' (I know that sounds ridiculous)

My ideal look I think is the pistol boots or trainers with jeans and a cool slogan t shirt with my leather jacket. But I think I look hilarious and my husband laughs and tells me I'm painfully trendy or makes a comment about suzi Quattro (he's lovely by the way but he's definitely got a point - I'm a total fashion victim!)

I worry that maybe the Toast look is what I should be wearing But I'd feel ridiculous in linen tunics or dresses

I wonder if you might feel a bit more sophisticated wearing fewer branded/recognisable pieces? Do you feel scruffy because you are comparing yourself to others wearing the same popular things?
Maybe if you tried to tone things down then reintroduce the statement pieces bit by bit? For example, jeans with a plain t-shirt and the leather jacket OR the pistol boots. Or jeans and a statement t-shirt but a more basic jacket and trainers? Could there be a bit too much going on?
I’m not trying to sound critical, just thinking how I would address things!

My mum moans I'm scruffy but she likes very groomed.

Louise from Eternal is petite isn't she & not ultra skinny. My style is quite similar to her.

I do have some great Cos dresses, have you tried them on?

As @Lampan says you could be dressing in a tick box.

But I'm sure you look better then you do in your head if that makes sense.

Honestly hair extensions make such a difference. I have fine hair too and at it’s worst, I never quite feel put together enough.

My top tip is find some celebs with the same colouring and body shape as you. There will only be about 2 or three. Then stalk them on social media and see what looks good on them. Then copy.

I'm a short curvy dark haired olive so I follow Salma Hayek and j lo. I don't like their style particularly but they have stylists who help them choose what flatters them.

It took me a long time to realise that what I like doesn't make me look good.

Yes! I'll have it all going on

Pistol boots or some stupid trendy trainers in black and neon

Jeans or these Gap trouser things I quite like

The camo jacket (have a variety of Hush ones) or maybe the leather jacket

Nice handbag (I have good ones)

And then I just feel a bit self conscious and almost trussed up

I do have Cos t shirts actually - but I just can't see me in a dress or skirt I don't think

@winterisstillcoming that's a great idea

I think the pieces you've listed sound great. I also have lots of Hush.

I think something like Stylebook app would be helpful. You upload / download pics of the clothes items you have and want to keep. It helps you to see gaps plus you can play around with outfits to get a feel for what you would like.

Then take a look at some bloggers / instagram / I like Does my bum look 40 and Midlife Chic but there are a lot of 40+ bloggers with different styles so you should find one that resonates with you.

Then you need to think about your style - the best tip I got was to dress for the life you have now not the one you think you want. So for me I switched from working in the City - corporate environment to working from home full time so my wardrobe changed. I live in jeans / leather jacket / boots etc. But I'm making a bit more effort to step outside of my "uniform". I joined Stitchfix and gave them a brief that I wanted things not part of my usual wardrobe. I've had two boxes and kept it all so it worked for me .

Finally come and check out the outfit of the day threads. Though it does make me keep shopping. lots of different styles but everyone is very friendly.

I think clothes should be enjoyed and if you are happy with what you wear don't worry about whether you look stylish. It's whether you are happy.

That's interesting about dressing for the life I have now. I work from home and have done for quite a few years now and that won't be changing so I'm quite comfortable in my pyjamas - Hush ones of course. I buy the bottoms and have about 12 pairs to my shame. When I get dressed (and I do!) it's harem pants and the Hush sloppy joe top which I actually hate

I also appear to own quite a few scamp and dude sweatshirts - I've no idea why I though neon pink and black animal print suited me ? Same with stupid sweatshirts with 'Winging It' emblazoned across it. I think that's a Selfish Mother one.

Messy, slightly boho, which is what I've always liked, is harder to pull off as you get older. That "been out partying all night," and "what, this old thing?"can make you look rough in your forties and older.
And , I don't know if it's just how you've written, but the brands don't matter, in fact if they're recognisable, they can look a bit too try hard.
Read Curating Your Closet for a really deep dive into how to put together your own style.
And once fitting rooms are open again, have a couple of days just trying on loads of stuff to get an idea what suits your new shape.

See I love sweatshirts but would never wear Selfish or Scamp because they are too insta if that makes sense.

I tend to wear French brands anyway but Etre Cecile, Sandro etc have good t-shirt's & sweatshirts.