Need a change of style suitable for an officers wife

[OfficersWife1]

About to become Mrs senior raf officer - I feel a slob and totally not in keeping with the other (v polished) wives. Where do I even start? What sort of shops should I be looking in? I’m a jeans and sweatshirt gal at heart and just not into fashion.

Have you got a bit of budget? You could do a colour and style consultation, you would then be able to out polish them whilst keeping your own personal style.

I’m totally not into fashion/ shopping so really just need a pointer of shops that would be appropriate - then I can choose things I would wear from within their ‘approved’ offerings. I could do a colour consultation but would still struggle to find appropriate clothes.

Budget not an issue particularly though I would slightly baulk at £100 on any one item (coats and shoes excluded). I do however think that quality is worth paying for and that it does notice

What do you need clothes for? Formal dinners? Or do you live on base and want every day clothes? Or something in between.

Ha! Everytime we move I think " this time in going to wear Boden / Joules / Crew. I fail everytime.

Well Boden is the classic officer military wife look if that's what you're after (at least it was where Weber lived previously). I don't think you should change too much or try to hard. If you prefer casual but want to look a bit more polished with it maybe go for Fat Face, Sea Salt or White Stuff type places.

*where we lived (sorry, don't know who Weber is!)

Dr Martin boots, jeans and a hoody usually plus the odd zazzy gown.

On a more serious note a couple of really nice jackets with dark coloured dresses that you can mix and match.

Joules tweedy jackets, nice jeans and flats for less formal things.

Go to John Lewis and do a personal shopper thing.

Would personal shopping work for you? They would do the hard work of picking items for you. If you picked someone who works independently you could work with them over time so they would get to know your wardrobe and style, building it together.

I’m mrs ‘other armed force’ senior officers wife, and also a jeans and sweatshirt girl. Stick with your own style, there are so many identikit joules/crew clothing/Boden clad wives - don’t be another clone! Just make sure your clothes are clean and tidy. Perhaps treat yourself to some ‘posh’ wellies and a nice coat. Pearl stud earrings are obligatory though (joking).

If it’s formal wear you need go for a classic style and plain colour. This way you can rewear multiple times. If you move base nobody will have seen your dress anyway!

Personally I think the days of being judges as ‘wife of x officer’ are over - you are a person in your own right, be yourself and let your clothes reflect who you are.

Congratulations and good luck!

I agree if clothes are not your thing go to John Lewis and get a personal shopper - the brands in their shops cover everything from casual to formal.
But also don't stray too far from your comfort zone, if you're a jeans and hoodie gal, then stay one bin anything too tatty, and go for more coordination and better quality.
Pinterest is always quoted on here but search jeans and sweatshirt classic and you get a plethora of ideas.

Gosh. You are still the same person you were before you gained your husbands rank. Why do you need to change into a faux you?

Apologies if that sounds a little harsh, but as an ex forces wife of 25 years standing it always was quite upsetting/depressing to see how wives changed as "their" rank increased, often forgetting they were still human like those "below" them.

Be yourself, be human, be kind, have great fun (it's a fantastic life if you make the most of it)..but most of all be you. You bring something to the mix no one else can.

Clothes do not make the man (or the "every good woman behind every good man")..the contents of the heart do.

I’m happy to be myself most of the time and try to wear ‘decent’ jeans/hoodies (places like fat face and next are my staples) and nice boots rather than trainers. The problem is that I have literally nothing to wear to the ‘jeans not allowed’ events up to and including formal dinners, especially in the colder months. I already have a couple of ball dresses from previous events I have been to at a different base so they will be reused. JL personal shopper is probably a good shout but I was wanting to browse without the pressure first (I really am terrible at clothes shopping)

I would just look for as good quality as you can get in each piece for your preferred price. Simple separates if you need something more smart casual than jeans; a nice pair of dark coloured trousers, cami/vest type tops, a silk shirt, cashmere jumper, mid length skirt and a jacket. I like tweed type fabric jackets as they go with pretty much everything.
Hobbs and Reiss are nice quality, but I usually look in their sales or outlet stores.

OK I know this isn't for everyone but this is my suggestion. If you really don't like shopping/fashion and don't know what suits you, the benefit of a colour and style consultation (e.g. House of Colour) is that you will get a focussed set of colours and style guidelines that are more or less idiot proof. This saves a lot of time, money and effort. Now if you were a real fashionista then you might not need these idiot proof guidelines but people like you and me do.

What you get out of it is 1. a colour palette that suits you, it does not mean you have to dress like a clown or paintbox but you should know whether to go for say grey, brown or navy neutrals and warm/cool tones. So for instance I can rule out ever buying tan leather boots or a camel coat no matter how expensive they look because I do not suit brown.

1. Style guidelines that suit your lifestyle, personality and body shape. So you can go into a shop and immediately cut to neat cashmere sweaters or big statement scarfs or sweeping maxi dresses, because you know what to look for. This will help you get a coherent look and plan the basics of a wardrobe for the occasions you need it. They cover a whole range of styles from really classic (Boden etc) to very boho and everything between.

It's not about changing into a false "you" but a smarter version of you appropriate to the occasion. They do recommend specific shops and brands for you.

Like I said it's not for everyone but I felt it was money well spent compared to how much I could have wasted buying "investment" pieces which just look wrong or frumpy on me.

Maybe try LK Bennett or Mint Velvet. They are still modern but chic and upmarket (to me, anyway). If you are more of a casual girl, just do a capsule wardrobe for dressier events - no idea what the dress code is for Officers' wives at such events but as the wife of a CEO of a largish company who is expected to attend a few dressier events a year, I make sure I have:

• one to two decent cocktail dresses
• pencil skirt
• two to three dressy tops
• cigarette pants
• jackets or cover up to mix and match
• couple of pairs of appropriate shoes and bags

Then I can go back to my normal wardrobe.

Ok, I get it, what you need is a capsule wardrobe of 'good stuff' for when you need to be out of your jeans and sweatshirt. I'd recommend making a list and being really strict about sticking to it. There's a thread on here about the pursuit of elegance - great advice on building a classic capsule wardrobe maybe worth a read through.
I'd say

• black trouser suit - wear separate or together. If you're not a dress person don't pretend to be.
• grey or black flannel trousers and at least two great tops that go with them
• a shift dress but if that's not your body shape then a dress or a skirt and top combo - I don't suit shift dresses but this works similar
• a fucking awesome coat - I have one from years ago, it's amazing and makes me happy every time it gets cold
• good bag
• flats, heels and boots

I'm not a big fan of Boden patterns but they do good basics in plain colours, also try the Outnet Iris and Ink, baujken (expensive but good sales), the ubiquitous Hush (again I dislike the patterns but they have good basics) and actually the White Company again good sales.

When my sister became an officers wife she went to a dress agency ( good quality second hand) and bought 3 formal dinner outfits. She also got some better than her usual stuff eg jumper trousers and built up from there

I also agree John Lewis personal shopper, honestly they don't pressure you at all

Yes - a capsule wardrobe of slightly ‘dressier’ clothes is what I think I need to work on, I’ll check out some of these suggestions. I totally agree that I want to be me but also not let DH down when he is rocking the shirt and chino officer look. When he’s also in jeans and hoodies I’m a happy partner!