I want to look groomed, glam and sophisticated

[Greygooseorchid]

As the title says, I want to look groomed, glam and sophisticated So how do I go about doing this?

I’m 48 (almost 49) and I currently get my hair dyed every 5 weeks, and my nails done every 4 weeks. I also get my eyebrows microbladed twice a year and Botox (sometimes fillers) twice a year.

I used to get dermaplaning done once every 6 weeks, but I watched a YouTube video on how to do it yourself so I do that to save money. I have a good skincare routine, cleanse, tone, HA, Vit C, eyecream, moisturiser and SPF. At night I do the same Except double cleanse, retinol, HA, eyecream and night cream. I also do a dermaroller once every 4 weeks, and I use a face mask once a week, currently that scared red one from the ordinary.

I do all this, but I still look bleugh. I’ve been told I have good skin?? Don’t know if I do or if people are just saying this to me. I just feel a mess.

Clothes wise, well I walk about like a tramp. I need to lose about 3 stone. I hate my boobs, they are too big (34HH) I am self conscious of them, and wont go out without a big baggy jumper or coat on. I’m sick of men constantly looking at my boobs, and I do wear a good bra, as I get fitted at Bravissimo every few months.

So I know I need to get right into the healthy eating and start going to the gym to tone up, but what does everyone else do to look groomed glam and sophisticated? It’s all done to the clothes really isn’t it??

From what you describe, it sounds like you do about 400% more grooming than me!

When you say stylish, well-groomed, etc, do you know what specifically you have in mind? Can you think of any examples? That might give you a good starting point.

I know you don't want to cut your hair, but honestly it doesn't sound like it's working for you really. If it's that long you have to wear it up a lot, then I'd consider getting it cut.

Until recently I had long curly hair, because I always thought it looked better longer. But it was too long to style etc so it just went up in a messy bun that looked a mess. I've got a nice layered long bob sort of length now and it's perfect. I can let it dry naturally or takes me next to no time to straighten. The right cut can be a game changer.

I don't think losing weight is necessarily the answer. Even if you do lose weight, if you carry weight on your chest, you will still have a large chest even once you lose the weight, and will still probably feel self conscious about it and wear shapeless clothes to try and hide it once you lose weight. I think you need to learn how to dress for your shape and feel less self conscious about your appearance. (You sound very self depreciating about your skin and hair etc).

I'd also look into the long term cost of a breast reduction.

Came on to mention breast reduction too. I think surgery is extreme and it's not something to do on a whim. I did it after years of back problems culminating in having to wear a neck brace. It was brilliant though and I haven't had any of those problems since.

However, the side effects of the breast reduction were incredible. Men looked at my eyes, NONE stared at my breasts. Ever. Not once in over 10 years now! I felt human. And it was suddenly 100% easier shopping for clothes because they simply aren't cut for bigger boobs. Also no snarky comments from jealous women (who are pathetic but still, nice not to be on the receiving end!).

I've since put on weight and need to lose it and my boobs got bigger but proportionately nowhere near the size they were.

I wouldn't have done it for the cosmetic reasons because I'm a bit of a hippy, and I wouldn't do it if I had weight to lose first in order to get better results, but it was absolutely life changing for me and I can't recommend it highly enough.

Oh yes..and my absolute delight in life is buying cheap bras, because when your boobs are smaller, you don't need the same standard of engineering as when they're larger. :)

I think you do masses to make yourself glam - nails, hair, Botox, skincare etc. You couldn’t do more than all that (not for me personally due to the time and money all that takes but it’s obviously important to you.)

If you don’t want to buy new clothes until you lose weight then that’s what you will have to do to feel/look better.

I’m surprised by some of the comments about needing to lose weight to look groomed and classy etc. I don’t think that’s true at all. I think it’s all down to well fitting clothes and hair and make up to be honest. Someone who is a size 8-10 can look just as awful as someone who is a size 18 plus if their clothes aren’t right or if their hair isn’t well looked after.

I’m a size 16/18 and I’ve got rather large boobs. I’ve been a size 8 before and I actually think I look more classy and glam now than I did when I was that size. I go for a posh country type look which works as I live quite rurally- think lots of sage green / khaki jackets with nice scarves, well fitting but not skinny jeans usually rolled up with classic brown leather good quality boots, thin well fitting jumpers in good fabrics etc. I have a decent hair cut and wear make up everyday - foundation, eyeshadow, blusher and mascara etc a neutral lipstick. I get my nails done. I am not perfect at all and yep i would love to wake up tomorrow having lost 2/3 stone but I’m comfortable with myself and I think I look pretty well groomed and put together...!

I think the key thing is stuff that actually fits without being too tight. I often buy tops in an xl or a size 20 plus even though I’m only a 16/18 as I think they hang better and look classier having more drape.

I don't think any one is saying in general people need to loose weight to look classy or groomed, Becayse that would be blatantly untrue,mthe comments are about the op specifically as she is self conscious about her weight and chest, so isn't dressing well, she says she walks about like a tramp and always wears big baggy jumpers and won't go to a personal shopper till she looses the weight.

Op, either uou accept the weight you are, there are many ways to disguise big boobs, and dress well, from clothes that drape, to outfits that are tailored properly and a personal shopper can show you some outfits that make you feel more comfortable

But if you're not willing to do that till you lose the weight, and want to continue to wear big baggy jumpers and dress like a "tramp" (which I'm sure you don't) then I'd also say loosing weight would be the answer, because you will always feel the same in the same clothes.

Op, you say that you walk about like a tramp - what do you mean? Because that doesn’t sound very groomed , glamorous and sophisticated.

You seem to spend a lot of time and money on your skincare - I’m ten years older that you are I have no idea what half of these things even are!

Do you really spend all that time and money on your face and yet pay no attention at all to the cleanliness or neatness of your clothes ?

You say you need to lose three stones - what are your plans for doing this ? There’s lots of support threads here on Mn for whatever method you plan to use.

Op said she doesn’t want to buy new clothes until she has lost the weight. I personally think she should shop for decent clothes now!

I think you'd be amazed at how pleasant a personal shopping experience somewhere like John Lewis can be. Not stressful at all. They are used to helping"ordinary" shoppers who are struggling. There would be nothing to worry about, honestly

I'd also suggest looking on Instagram at some of the gorgeous curvier instagramers who post daily outfits. You'd get lots of ideas of how they dress a bigger bust.

I think you should do these things now, without spending fortunes, you'll feel so much more positive.... as it's hard to stay motivated on a diet when you dont feel great about yourself

Despite my reduction comment below, I also don't think anybody needs to lose weight to look classy (or looks classy because they're slim). That was just about the feeling of large boobs being changed for me and I personally wish I'd done it much sooner because of the unrealised clothes-related (and other) side effects.

However, I'm in need of a really kind and gentle Trinny and Susanna myself right now so can't be giving styling advice to anybody else!

I’d also never tell anyone to lose weight but having lost some this year on WW it has made a big difference to the way my clothes look and feel. I even lost a bit from my chest (FF to F cup), although that’s always the last thing to go!

I think the size of your frame/skeleton influences how well you look with more weight, if it’s relatively in proportion then it’s fine, but if you have a small frame larger sizes can end up swamping you in other areas, eg wrists

If you are a bigger size, dressing well is so important - you won’t look good in baggy clothes or cheap fabrics. I understand you don’t want to lash out heaps of money but you can get decent quality basics on the High Street, also have a look on eBay, and in charity shops in affluent areas. You can get lovely things for less money than you’d think. One of my best finds was a grey flannel work dress, cost only a few quid, looks great with tights and boots, and looks smart and put together.

I always find a touch of make up makes me feel and hopefully look glam. Personally bright lipstick. I'm loving the L'Oréal rouge signature liquid lipsticks. Now I'm usually a high end make up buyer but these have blown me away. I have 5 now. A muted brown pink, a brown purple (evening shade) , orange red(summery), bright pink and a orange brown terocotta shade(autumnal). They are so nice that a friend took a photo and promptly purchased it.

I'm hankering after the Berry shade now, they aren't what I'd say expensive but with Christmas and a huge job needed doing on the house I must RESIST!

For context I'm 41, size 14-16 and would love to lose a stone, my legs are good so I show them off a lot and boob wise I'm a 34FF so not small. At a size 12-14 I always looked glam but now I just need to try a little bit harder that's all.

I sometimes look (secretly stare) at really well-groomed people to try to figure out what makes them look groomed. I'm not overweight, so I can't put it down to that, and I make an effort with my clothes (although don't really spend much), but I never feel groomed.

What I put it down to is they seem to:

1. Have shiny/healthy hair (either through good fortune or good hairdressing).
2. Flawless looking make-up. I would say they buy the longer lasting, better wearing brands (I'm still a sucker for the cheap brands).
3. They tend to be tanned- not the awful orangy looking tan, but a really natural glow/tan. Again, probably just a really good brand
4. Finally their clothes tend to look well tailored, slightly more expensive, and just very well kept- ie not wrinkled, bobbly, no scuffs on shoes, no stains on clothes
5. Tasteful jewellery- a nice pair of earrings or necklace to bring it all together