HELP! I don't want to cut it!

[Littlefrizz123]

My DS4 has always had really curly hair but recently it has got to a point where it doesn't matter what kids shampoo or conditioner I use his hair ends up matted and looks awful with just a few curls at the bottom. It looks like it's too dry and he's getting really upset when I try to brush out the knots.
He has SEN so I'd really like to avoid the trauma of taking him to the hairdressers as it's a fight every 6 weeks just to get his fringe trimmed.
Can anyone help? Feeling like a crap mum but both me and my DD have fine straight hair so I've never had experience with needing to do anything more than the shampoo that's on offer and a quick brush so this I'm totally out of my depth. I don't want to get him anything that will be too heavy in his hair as he's only small but kids products just aren't cutting it anymore.
Thank you!

Have you tried a wet brush or a tangle teezer? I have the same kind of hair you describe and the only way I can get through all the matted hair when I wash it is with a wet brush. It might make the washing stage a bit less traumatising at least.

DD2 has ringlets.

She’s only two so her hair isn’t yet long enough to get back in a plait or ponytail yet for bed and every morning she wakes up looking like a bottle brush.

She hates having her hair brushed but it would be matted in a day if left. The only thing I’ve found that works is putting her in her high chair (so she can’t run away!) and getting someone to distract her whilst I liberally spray (soak) her hair with leave in conditioner or detangling spray and then gently try to comb it out. I then just separate the curls with my fingers and twist them a little and she ends up with beautiful, defined ringlets.

Her hair absolutely cannot be brushed dry, as she found out when she got a toy hairbrush stuck in it! DD1 (who’s only 14 months older than DD2) has straight, fine, long hair so it’s hard to explain to a toddler that she can’t do what her sister does.

@WeCameToDanceWithTheDead thank you for the tip, I usually do it with a regular brush when he's out the bath but I will try a tangle teaser when he is in the bath so his hair is still really wet rather than damp to see if that helps. When it's dry it's frizzy rather than curly and matted again by the next day so I'm wondering if I need to be putting something in to help keep it healthy?

@Snoopysimaginaryfriend I never thought about trying to encourage the curls by twisting - I'll definitely try that thank you!! Such a nightmare because I don't want to upset him but also if I leave it it just dreadlocks 😩

I think there are very specific ways of caring for curly hair - there seem to be quite a few threads on it! I know the Curly Girl method is frequently mentioned. Brush with Tangle Teaser and lots of leave in conditioner seem to be the way to go. Good luck!

There are some hairdressers who cater specifically for SEN children, and will come to your home, very low key, to cut hair. I can't recommend anyone as I don't know where you are, but a quick Google should do it!

Get him a silk pillowcase to prevent the hair knotting in his sleep.

Also you don’t need to use kids shampoo, it’s shite for curly hair. Use shampoos without sulphates and conditioners without silicones. And use a leave in conditioner applied when soaking wet, combed through with the tangle teezer. You don’t need a lot, but it should stop it from frizzing and knotting.

My daughter has ringlet type curls but it can get very matted at the nape of her neck, like a Brillo pad! When it's in that state, I do a conditioner first and try and get through it, then shampoo, then condition again and try and get more tangles out.

She has just had about 3 inches off the length and it is much easier to manage. She has learning difficulties and haircuts can be 'fun'.

Don't use shampoo. Seriously. Buy a really rich conditioner and use that to wash the hair. Honestly, it does help. Use tangle spray and wet the hair whilst using on of those special brushes.

Dd and I have naturally curly hair, honestly you can't use a normal brush on curly hair.

You need appropriate shampoo and conditioner (though dd doesn't always use shampoo If here is dry she'll just use conditioner) and use a wide toothed comb or brush DESIGNED for curly hair when wet, when dry you're really best just using fingers to detangle in my experience.

If you're getting his fringe cut regularly anyway I'd get them to trim it while he's there it'll make everyone's life much easier in the long run