Feeling such a frump 10 months pp

[Lottiebugz22]

Hi all,

I am a sahm and am 10 months pp and I am so fed up of feeling such a frump. I used to dress well and wear makeup but now I seem to live in joggers and tshirts and rarely put makeup on unless I'm going to an event such as a birthday party or celebration/special occasion and even then it seems to take allot of preparation.

I see so many mums including allot of my friends who are always so well put together and seem so confident and relaxed.

I feel like I never have time to get ready myself and constantly feel exhausted (my dd recently went through the 9/10 month sleep regression but she is just getting back to normal now thankfully.

I've had allot of comments when I've been out off people saying how tired I look and it's really gotten me down. I just don't know how to manage my time at all.

How do you all manage to get ready and self presentable those of you who can?

I'm not even back at work yet so goodness knows how I'll be then

I have a 14 month old DD and it's easy to compare yourself to other mums but try to be kind to yourself. On my days off I shove some skinny jeans and a jumper on without makeup. On my work days I get up an hour before DD does to try and look vaguely reasonable for the office. I found getting a decent hair cut helped as I had let it grow out and get a bit manky during the newborn phase. I also slipped a tinted lib balm and BB cream in my bag so if I do get time I can slap a little on!

Surely you DD sleeps? Take a bath then, and enjoy it. Sleep when she sleeps. Just a power nap will make you feel better.

Go out shopping. It is fun to look at new outfits. Take DD. It is a day out.

Get your hair cut on a Saturday or when DH/DP is around. Buy some new make up. Get your nails done. Obviously other mums are making time for this so you do not need to be slave to your DD giving yourself no "me" time. Get DH or DP to babysit whilst you have a beauty treatment.

Most mums gets tired at times but most can up their game re dressing and make up if necessary. Sort out outfits for each day that make you feel good about yourself. Put all t shirts and joggers away.

When she sleeps have a shower, dress, do your hair, shove some slap on, you don't need to wear joggers and t shirts, you can wear other things.

I put the TV on for DD so I could get dressed and do my make-up. When she was tiny she was in the bouncer, then the jumperoo, and now she plays on the floor and watches Duggee. It's only 20 minutes a day, it won't do any harm.

Good tips!
Dd bedroom is next to the bathroom and even someone walking up the stairs wakes her up so can't shower when she has a nap unfortunately.
I can go out for a couple of hours at the most though so I'll have to have a look at some new clothes. I say a couple of hours because dd point blank refuses to eat or drink when she is out. I've had her out from 10.00am to 11.00pm before and all she had was a few sips of water. It's quite restricting. Then she's awake all night because she hasn't t eaten in the day
I've sat her in her little playpen thing with her toys and the TV on before whilst I attempted to put a bit of makeup on but she screams at me the entire time she also cries whenever I leave the room. She's quite a clingy baby now she's older.

If you're happy as you are, then carry on - but not wearing makeup and proper clothes would've driven me mad.

That said, I was back at work by 6 months with both my kids, so had no choice but to get into a routine to look and feel like my old self again. It takes 5 minutes to do makeup, and no more time to get dressed into jeans and a decent top than it does to throw joggers and a t shirt on.

If I'm being honest, I think you're being a tad PFB. Your daughter will be perfectly safe to be put down for 5 minutes while you get dressed and put makeup on... if that's what you want to do.

I paint nails, have a bath, wash hair etc once mine are in bed. Don't have time to shop as I work FT, so I order most clothes online, or else pick up basics when I'm in Sainsburys. Book a half day off work every 10 weeks to get my hair done, as I don't have time at weekends. It is doable, it's just a case of getting into a routine.

Right, something someone told me, it takes just as long to put on a nice top and well fitting jeans/trousers as it does to put on baggy joggers and scruffy top.

The time element is having the stuff in your wardrobe in the first place.

Shop online, easiest option although first go through what you have other than the scruffy things you reach for out of habit.

Put a basket of toys in the bathroom and let her play on the floor while you are in the shower, take basket to your room while you get ready.

You can chat to dd while you do make up/hair. She doesn't need to be in another room screaming.

What does PFB mean?

Precious First Born.

When are you going back to work? It gets much easier as you HAVE to be organised. I hated maternity leave for that reason, no structure to the day. Does DD have a good routine? You need to have one too that fits around hers, for shower/breakfast/hair/makeup and then you'll feel ready for the day.

You could make a list of outfits that you like to wear, so that the thinking part is done and all you have to do is make sure things are clean and ready to be worn. Include accessories and coat/shoes so that when you leave the house you feel put together. Definitely shop online, and browse Pinterest or instagram for ideas when you can.

My DS (14 months) is not really clingy, but sometimes he does come and sit by my feet with a toy when I'm doing hair/makeup before work, would your DD be happy doing that?

It is really hard for me to find time to do any beauty stuff beyond sorting hair and makeup and hair removal (I work full time). I guess it just depends on your priorities, I'm quite happy without painted nails because of the effort it would take me (and a gel manicure where I am is about £50).

Oh and yes make sure your partner is doing his fair share when he's home, so you can wash hair in the evening or have a bath before DD's bedtime or whatever you want to do. Then when you start work again, sharing her care won't be such a big change from how things are currently.

something someone told me, it takes just as long to put on a nice top and well fitting jeans/trousers as it does to put on baggy joggers and scruffy top.

^ this!

A dress is even easier to throw on and opaque tights to match, tone, or contrast can make you look 'put together' even if you don't feel it.

Invest in a good haircut and regular trims. Keep your nails in shape and buff them if you can't find time to wait for nail polish to dry.

You don't need full warpaint; primer, foundation, mascara and a quick slick of blusher can be applied in minutes and will make you look less tired.

Spend time planning a wardrobe that works for you. You don't need lots of pieces if they're coordinated and can 'mix & match'. There's no need to spend a fortune; check out eBay for qood quality clothing at bargain prices.

If it all feels overwhelming, do baby steps (no pun intended!)

A shower I would make non-negotiable - way more important than clothes/makeup for making you feel better. It takes only a few minutes, and DD will be OK in her cot with some toys while you do that, if you can't shower while she sleeps. Are you a single parent? If not, could you have a shower before DH/DP leaves for work? Or even in the evening?

Basic makeup. Foundation/tinted moisturiser, tinted lip balm, mascara - takes three minutes. Give DD an empty foundation tube or similar to play with while you do it.

Clothes - have a uniform that isn't joggers and T-shirt. Even if that's just the same two pairs of flattering jeans plus the same nice top in 5 different colours!

Get DP to take her for a couple of hours on a Saturday while you go for a bra fitting and haircut. Instant feel-good factor.

If DD wakes up whilst you are in the shower, so what? Finish the shower? She’s running rings around you. If she won’t eat when you are out what on Earth will happen when you are at work? Go out for longer!

Honestly, this all sounds a bit pathetic. Your DD will have to compromise. Are you really going to carry on like this? If she gets a big upset, she gets a bit upset. You need some time for you so ignore her for a bit. It really will not harm her and she might not give you the runaround if you are less willing to pander to her wants.

Buy new clothes. I wrote a long post but MN ate it, and it boiled down to: make sure you have enough stuff. My pre-baby self had one pair of jeans at a time because I only wore them at weekends and they didn’t get that dirty. Mat leave me spent ages trying to cobble together outfits out of my old clothes that a) fit, b) looked nice, c) allowed for breastfeeding and d) hid my post-baby tummy. It was a hopeless enterprise and made me feel shit. 70% of my wardrobe was work stuff and at least another 10% was going out clothes. That’s fine when you only need casual at weekends, but on mat leave you need it every day. I needed a lot more casual clothes to wear day in day out (or at least, I wish I had just bought some cheap but pretty stuff). I know money tends to be tight and you probably hope to lose weight, but seriously, just buy some new stuff if you can afford to.

Hi everyone thanks for all the replies. I feel so much better having put some outfits together and are currently wearing a fitted high neck body and fitted maxi skirt and full makeup! Manned up a bit and let dd whinged a bit. I do need to toughen up. Going out for the day today having afternoon tea so really looking forward to that

That sounds good OP!

Sometimes with your first, you just need to realise you are allowed to use some of your time and energy on yourself.