How to feel more positive about the way I look

[bizboz]

I know this is style and beauty but I'm not really looking for any tips, just a kick up the backside, so maybe this isn't the best place to post. Didn't know where else to put it. I am currently just feeling really down about my appearance.

There have always been things I don't like about the way I look - I have quite a big nose, crooked teeth (were straightened when I was younger but have moved), thin hair - but when I was younger I was considered fairly attractive. I'm nearly 40 now and am not aging terribly well. I have a good skincare routine and pretty good skin but strong nose to mouth lines and "11" lines which are hereditary. I have a job that requires a lot of work from home in the evenings and I know I don't get nearly enough sleep but can't seem to fit the work in other than when the kids are in bed.

I have a limited budget so can't afford teeth straightening or Botox (which I'm not keen on the idea of anyway). I have my hair cut regularly and colour it myself (everyone says the colour is lovely) but don't have much time to style it properly. I have my eyebrows waxed. I feel I do as much as I can fit in between the kids and full-time work. I am slim - my figure is the one thing I like about myself. Maybe I would look better facially with a bit of weight on as I do have a thin face but I am loathe to consciously put on weight.

I know that appearance doesn't really matter. I have a loving, handsome husband and two beautiful kids who are all healthy so I am very lucky. Most of the time I don't think too much about it, I just feel particularly down today because I was at a wedding this weekend and even with proper hair and make-up done I still didn't look great. I saw some photos which were frankly depressing. I looked older and so much worse than all my friends.

I do worry that my negative feelings about my appearance will affect my kids if I'm not careful. I hate my photo being taken so there aren't nearly enough photos of me and the kids. Wondering if anyone has successfully changed their mindset about the way they look and could give me any tips?

Sorry, that was much longer than I intended!

Think back to what you used to look like 10 years ago. Think back to how you felt about yourself 10 years ago. Back then you may have doubted your appearance or picked out 'bad bits' too. But now you would probably love to look like that again. Life is too short for worrying about appearance because you will always find something to complain about. Try to occupy your mind with other thoughts goals and wishes. Also each day pick out 1 reason to be happy or 1 thing your like about yourself. Over time this will have a massive impact on your unconscious thought process and you will eventually stop putting yourself down :) . People who love you don't care what you look like

I went through (to be honest go through) phases of feeling bad about how I look. One thing I found helped was when out and about (eg on the bus) looking at other people and trying to think what was nice about them (obviously not staring because that would be creepy, just general people watching the way you would anyway when on a bus/in a cafe etc). Because everyone’s got something and after a while you start to notice actually everyone’s genuinely beautiful in their own way. I found that quite good practice for seeing the positives in myself/paying myself compliments when I looked in the mirror rather than obsessing over my own flaws which is so hard when you’re in the habit of putting yourself down.

On a less positive note it’s also worth considering that a lot of the ideals of beauty shown in the media (especially the obsession with extreme youth) have been pushed by the people with power in those industries - including Harvey Weinstein, Jean-luv Brunel etc etc and who wants to be attractive to men like them anyway

Thanks both. Lots of good ideas, especially focussing more on the positives. Have been feeling negative recently but I know it's really not important in the grand scheme of things and I would be really sad if I allowed my daughters to think that looks are all that matters.

I agree about noticing things you appreciate in others. I’ve made a point of admiring my friends clothes, hair, make up, general awesomeness etc when I see them as I often found myself thinking ‘so-and-so looks fab today’ but wouldn’t verbalise it. No idea why! They seem to reciprocate and so I get a bit of a boost too. I think the more frequently we make positive comments to others, the more frequently we get that back.

Have you ever had your colours done, OP? I found that wearing colours that suit me complements my complexion, adds an extra ‘something’.
A new haircut/lipstick also enhances what I’ve got.
But it’s mainly the colours that are making a difference.