I feel your pain,OP as I had this problem,even with expensive gold or silver earrings. I first had my ears pierced at 15 and had an awful time with them;nearly always sore and regularly had watery weeping or worse,pus weeping (sorry!) from the holes,so much so that I gave up wearing earrings in my late teens and let them close up.
Fast forward 20 odd years and I had them re-pierced (short hairdo!) and was also advised by the lady who pierced my ears (she’s been doing it for a long time,in a tattoo/piercing studio) to use titanium earrings,or failing that,surgical steel ones and preferably labret style (as pp said).
She said metal allergies,even to more solid metals,are quite common but most people who are sensitive to nickel and plated earrings will be fine with titanium. The bonus is that titanium ones aren’t expensive,though admittedly the styles are limited if you go for labret fixings and they are a bit fiddly. With labrets,they don’t poke you in the neck when you sleep and there’s a length of sliding ‘play’ in them,which you don’t get with butterfly backs and this allows the ear some relief from earring pressure on the front and back of the lobe and makes soreness much less likely. Labrets are very comfortable to sleep in.
I wore 10 or 11mm post length labrets for 2 or 3 weeks,then swopped to 8mm post labrets (when the lobes have calmed down and swelling gone) for 2 or 3 weeks after.
I got some threaded titanium ones from Serenity online (as pp above) and some from Piercing Mania online shop. Make sure you search labret earrings,as there’s also labret belly button and nose studs etc.
I also salt washed the pierced holes,(with the labrets still in situ),once or twice a day for a week or two,with cotton buds dipped in a saturated solution of 1 teaspoon of cooking salt in half an eggcup of slightly cooled,boiled water. This was pivotal in removing any soreness caused by body’s reaction to piercing and ?infection and seemed much more effective than savlon or antibacterial spray.
I can now wear any metal (solid or plated) earrings, even with butterfly backs. Every now and again I pop the labrets back in,mainly for comfort. I also choose hoops with a snap type fastening (not butterfly) which makes them a full circle,iykwim, because like labrets,they have some play in them and don’t poke you in the neck when sleeping.
I also have some with a plastic/silicone type butterfly back,which does seem to be less reactive to sensitive ears. (You can buy those type of backs separately online.)