Heading to 40... update my wardrobe

[flamingo40]

So I spent my 20s being a frumpy housewife and mum.
My 30s I lost weight and had an early midlife crisis. Short skirts, tight clothes etc!
I'm now hitting 40. I'm lost!
No idea what to wear.
The weights crept back so I can't wear most of my wardrobe.
I'm 5"3 pear shaped. Small boobs, wide hips. Size 12 ish
Noticing my tummy's not great. My arms used to be slim but now starting to need covering.
Help?
I need day to day clothing. Do I swap my skinny jeans for straight leg? Do I swap
Fitted tops for loose?
Please dress me

My arms used to be slim but now starting to need covering.

Why so defeatist? There are plenty of exercises you can do (at home) that can help to tone your arms if you’re not happy with their appearance. And diet + scrubs + moisturising will improve the skin.

But even if you had the world’s most hideous arms they would not need covering. They’re your arms. I’m sure their primary use is not to meet some imaginary standard of prettiness for the general gaze.

As for the rest - there really are a million threads in S&B that are full of suggestions!

I agree with QuaterMiss. There's no "need" to do anything clothes wise at any age or body shape. As long as you're dressed appropriately for your day that's all you need to worry about.

If you're personally unhappy with your appearance and it's affecting your self esteem and confidence, then make changes for those reasons. If you like to follow trends then yes, clothes shapes and styles may have moved on from skinnies and tighter tops. But there is absolutely no correlation between any of those things and your age. Yes, the menopause changes your body shape but it's a myth that any related weight gain is permanent and irreversible.

My jobs incredibly physical so to be honest gym time is limited.
The last thing I want to do after a long shift is more exercise. I eat healthy too. My medication does add to weight gain so I'm accepting I'm not going to go back to my skinny days.
I'm actually quite confident in my own skin so that's not the issue. I guess I'm just looking for pointers on what to change dress wise.
I'll look on the boards for pointers.
Thank you for your advice

I think what people mean is that you do not hit any age and suddenly have a different body. There are changes that occur over time, after injury, birth,etc, but as a seasoned 45 yr old I can honestly say it’s a matter of perception.

For instance, my arms are lean, thin, my waist tiny, but my legs have altered somehow in a way which I can’t quite define yet. My boobs are l lot less buoyant too!

So we all look differently, at every age. By the logic of big arms/belly, this could also be applied to a teen. It’s just institutionalised body loathing. Insidious, and shite.

My advice is to forget the age element completely
Focus on how you ‘feel’.
Make changes from this basis, and consider your current lifestyle.
Then clothe yourself for that.

Figure out what ‘skinny’ means to you, and put it to rest. It has nothing to do with health or beauty. Aim for a healthy body and fitness, if you don’t do gyms, try an at home YouTube toning vid, there are plenty recommended on here. I’m slightly underweight at the mo and definitely want to do a joe wicks YouTube stint to build up a bit.

What you want to change, dress-wise, depends upon what your current wardrobe is like. Work out what makes you feel most comfortable and stylish, and reject what doesn’t. It sounds simple but it often isn’t!
If you prefer to minimise elements of your physique, choose items which make you feel relaxed/good. So perhaps swap cap sleeves for 3/4, etc.
Don’t force yourself to follow style whims or rules that make you less than confident. For example I have a short torso so high waists make me look frumpy, even at my low weight, as my boobs almost meet the top of a high waisted skirt. So now I go for mid rise, etc.

Just make a true and honest analysis of what you wear and why you wear it. Adapt from there. But forget age, nothing at all actually happened after 40. I am just about in peri meno right now and nothing wild and weird has happened yet apart from a very slight redistribution of weight (more in thigh, less on waist/up top) and somewhat unpredictable periods🤪

Good luck.

You know what, nobody can ‘tell’ you what to change because how we dress is tied up with so much emotion and feeling that it is almost impossible to describe. And it varies wildly from person to person.

To put it simply, if you suit and feel right in mini skirts, do not quit them.
A jeans style is crazy personal and you may suit skinny more than straight. We could only tell by seeing you, not by a description, do you know what I mean?

It really means you need to find out what YOU really want, what you like and what makes you feel confident. Try on several styles of tops and bottoms when you have a day to dedicate to experimenting and honestly assess which items make you go ‘oooh I like that!’

There is no prescription post 40. And this is a good thing.

Sorry, OP - I probably wasn’t terribly helpful!

Start by browsing some reliable, well regarded sites that stock a wide range of fashionable clothes, such as:

& Other Stories
Net-a-Porter
Matches Fashion

Pay attention to the editorial sections but also click on items you like the look of, to see how they use them in an outfit. Don’t assume that any new style or cut is ‘not for you’.

My very best piece of advice is to pick one extravagant accessory and buy clothes to show it off.

Oh my word please don't anyone apologise...
I appreciate any input.
I guess I've spent my mid 30s trying to follow trend and now my body shape is changing I'm struggling.
I can't wait to be 40 in all honestly, my 30s started off terrible and I felt lost.
Now life is great. I have my perfect job my family life is settled but my wardrobe needs to reflect that.
I'm going to have a good read through all the advice given so far.
Keep it coming though.

Flamingo, I’m also going through a change, not age related but sort of re-finding my style after a lot of personal growth/changes, etc. Life changes do seem to affect our style in some way, hard to describe that......when we change, our style tends to shift, too.

Interesting stuff, but can be difficult to work out.
I’ve made some stupid mistakes recently.
I’d banned myself from wearing jeans or pants because I have IBS and feel conscious of my bloating, but now I’m back in jeans and just realising they are ‘me’.

How about getting in a free session with a department store personal stylist? I just did a work wardrobe refresh with the ones at John Lewis Westfield and it was really good. They can help you put together stuff you like and show you how to make it look current/what flatters you.