I don't know how to style myself.

[BishopofBathandWells]

So I'm 38, and my basic outfit has always been a vest/T-shirt with jeans. Maybe a jacket slung over the top if I'm feeling dressy. But as I've got older, and packed on more weight (especially since having a baby) I just don't feel comfortable with that look anymore.

I broke a leg a few years ago too and as a result can't wear high heels. So that doesn't help matters.

My DP recently told me during one of my regular whinges about my weight gain that he sees women "far bigger than I am dressed better". He's right, I've no sense of style whatsoever, I can't seem to find myself.

Can anyone inspire me?

That was a bit harsh of him!

Don't beat yourself up. You need to hit the shops and try on a tonne of things. Take an honest friend with you or use one of those personal shopper services.

Don't be afraid to play around with sizes - I often size up and then have things nipped in if necessary (especially post baby).

He was right though, I'm constantly moaning that I can't find anything to wear since I put on weight but it's simply that I don't know what my style is. I didn't take offence, I'm a size 16 and I knew exactly what he meant!

Have a look online into capsule wardrobes, decide what you like and go shopping for a "uniform" of mix and match things that you feel lovely in and can throw on with little effort.

I'm currently enormously pregnant and waiting to see what my post baby body is like in 3 months or so and then planning to do the exact same thing. I used to live in dresses before I became a mum and I never felt frumpy or lacking a "look" but mum-dressing has made me feel like I've lost my style and I need it back. I totally get how that feels. Just start looking on Pinterest and instagram etc for ideas.

Thanks for the advice both! It was defiantly during pregnancy it all went tits up for me, I think I lived in leggings and an enormous shroud thing I bought from M&S. I thought I'd just go straight back to my old style but it doesn't look or feel the same. Great idea about Pinterest.

Pinterest and if you're on FB there's a great group called 'Style by Susie' - have a look as loads of great style and fashion from real people.

Sorry it's the Styled by Susie Tribe

Do you have any items of clothing or accessories you love? Really, really adore love? Or even an item you don't have but adore?

Try starting there, then search Pinterest for "red lens sunglasses outfit women" or "how to style red lens..." Then start pinning outfits you love. The more you do the more accurate (for you) Pinterest's suggestions become. Look for as many different ways to wear each adored item as possible.

Next, spend an afternoon with a cup of tea trying to recreate as closely as possible some of your pinned outfits using just what you currently own. The more you do this, the better you'll get at adapting styles you see to work for you. Then you'll be able to tell what you need/want to buy next more easily

Well, that's what I did and it worked for me

Sorry about the red lens sunglasses example, I have Iron Man on the brain

Another recommendation for Styled by susie. She’s fab and I’ve paid for one of her styling sessions and she’s worth it (£50 ish) but you could also pop to John Lewis and use a personal stylist there. There’s no obligation to buy and it could give you ideas

I love Susie.

She’s great and only shops in the high street.

I agree with other recommendations, but I'm the same age as you and had lost my way clothes-wise after bereavements and weight gain and did a massive clearout as a starting point, which was so helpful and made me feel quite liberated!

Without going full-on Marie Kondo, I got rid of the things that were unflattering, too big, too small or just a bit tatty. Anything that I never wore got sent to the charity shop or got a two month period in which to start wearing it again. I got rid of about five black bags of clothes. This really helped me see what I actually needed to buy, and by only keeping things that I really liked, my style began to emerge again. People at work keep commenting on my "new clothes/style" when it's stuff I had all along.

I also cleared out my jewellery, so I have a lot fewer things, but end up wearing jewellery almost every day now rather than once in a blue moon.

I have given myself to buy clothes now and not wait "until I've lost the weight", because frankly I was just reinforcing how rubbish I felt about myself.

Thank you all for the brilliant responses! Will definitely check Susie out and commit to the Pinterest stuff. Especially when DD is asleep for two hours every afternoon, it'll make a change mindlessly scrolling through AIBU.

I had a clear out recently and got rid of a ton of stuff, but there's not much left and I'm still left with lots of ill-fitting t-shirts until I can find the money to do a good shop. Absolutely am an advocate of the clear out though, it does help enormously.

I think I need to find something that "sparks joy" ugh and go from there.

Similar story here. Lived all of my adulthood in jeans and t-shirts as a size 8/10. Suddenly shot up to a 14 (menopause?) in less than a year.
It's taken me a while, but I too am doing my best to embrace my new body as it is. Thrown away anything that just made me feel bad about myself. I'm still typically in jeans, but going for over-sized shirts, long cardigans etc rather than t-shirts. I am feeling confident again.

I'd honestly never even considered that having a baby would change the way I look at myself - certainly not as much as it has. Boy, was I naive! I know it's not really the case, but everyone I check out just looks so effortless. I look like a hippo that fell through the door of Oxfam.

Am I the only one that struggles with Pinterest? I use the app and can pin styles I like, but a lot of the time I seem to click onto unrelated ads! I can't always see where something comes from either.

Pinterest can be such a pain - so many people just reupload images without sources. It has been useful from time to time, but for finding the sources for something, it's more often than not a headache.

I recommend Justine's youtube channel, where I think she does a really good straightforward job in explaining fashion, body shapes, skin tones, and how different kinds of clothes create different visual effects.