Who do you follow for style advice?

[BizzzzyBee]

Now that I’m nearly 40 I have no idea what to wear! My wardrobe is really boring and has been the same for the past 20 years - tees, jumpers, jeans and trainers, occasionally a “nice” top or a maxi dress in summer. DH complains that I still dress like a student (some of my clothes are the same ones I wore as a student).

I just look really bland and frumpy. The clothes I have aren’t really “grown up” clothes. I have no idea what’s trendy or where to shop or how to put outfits together. Who do you follow for outfit ideas?

Another vote for sheer luxe. Also love little spree

At risk of sounding like a total suck-up, I always listen to what floisme says on here.

And I used to have a colleague who always looked incredible - understated but individual at the same time. She really demonstrated that it is better to have one really good thing than five poor-to-mediocre.

These are some of my style icons & they all older than me.

Kate Moss
Emmanuel Alt
Lauren Santo domingo

Aw thank you Table

I love this idea Quater - I may nick it for myself. Search carefully and splurge on one fantastic and extravagant accessory. A piece of jewellery or pair of shoes, say, that costs six months of your wardrobe budget. Then really think about what you might buy to show that thing to best advantage.

However while I tend to agree with 'one great thing' shopping, I would add as a caveat that it can take time to get there. When I was trying to find my style feet again I fell for the 'investment dressing' mantra and wasted quite a lot of money on some bad buys. I think making mistakes is an important part of finding your style and whenever I'm trying out a new look, I normally start off buying cheaper (H&M, Uniqlo etc) and only upgrade when I feel more confident.

Luna De Casanova. Her joy and the way she carries herself along with her infectious smile is inspiring even if you can’t afford the clothes.

I agree Flo - which is why I suggest a comparatively expensive accessory first - we rarely make mistakes with those.

And of course mix up the high/low costs of clothes. And never buy anything you haven’t fallen in love with.

I’d say I have a pretty clear idea of what I like - but I still make mistakes. These are mostly cheap-ish impulse buys; if I’m planning to spend a lot I cogitate for an age - whether on Matches website or staring at my reflection in a TK Maxx cubicle ...

Ah @Floisme I have exactly the same list of catalogues!

They are mostly all understated, and focus on excellent quality basics which are easy to wear and to put them together - for those wanting more guidance I recommend subscribing to this list. Wrap and Me & Em and Baukjen as priorities.

You can't ever go wrong with a well-cut Breton, well-cut and well-fitting jeans, and some cool trainers, for example.

Have just splurged in the Wrap London sale and am so delighted with my haul!

Describing women over 40 as ‘older ladies’ - with an implication that we must have some separate source of elderly fashion, is unhelpful (and, frankly, annoying)
But the truth is, dressing at 40 isn’t the same as dressing at 20. I’m not as skinny as I was in my youth. My post-partum stomach isn’t what it used to be and I can’t wear crop tops or hipsters. Heels aren’t realistic everyday footwear for a busy mum and are harder to wear as you get older. Currently I can still get away with showing my upper arms and legs but there’ll come a day when I can’t. There are specific challenges to dressing well as you get older and tbh I find it more inspirational to see someone my own age who still looks good.

OP you can’t become stylish overnight just by following people on Instagram
I want stylish outfit ideas to copy. I’ll never be able to pick items and come up with ideas myself - I don’t have an eye for fashion and with small DC I don’t have time to browse Net-a-Porter, distill the style ideas and look for similar pieces (tbh I’m not sure I’d be capable of that anyway).

I’ve signed up for emails from shops like Zara, Topshop, Cos and Toast, also Sheerluxe and Littlespree, and joined the Styled by Susie page. I’m also following a few older ladies on Instagram because I find the majority of their outfits would be wearable by someone with my body. Thanks to everyone who made suggestions!

You are absolutely correct that body and face don’t say the same (and if you’re not 40 yet then you’ve not seen the half of it) nor come to that, do your tastes or your lifestyle. I think the trick is to recognise that without falling into the trap of treating older women as a homogeneous group. I say this so often on here so skip if you’ve heard it already but we don’t all look the same or like the same things. And we can still use younger / older women as inspiration. Two of my style crushes at the moment are Heloise Letissier (Christine and the Queens) who’s probably half my age and Yoko Ono who’s 20-odd years older than me.

Some of the advice here is not applicable to a mum with kids living in suburbia with very little expendable income. Most do not have the spare money lying around to spend six months cash on some lovely shoes. Unless you live in the country and buy a pair of riding boots say.
I find looking at Browns for my lifestyle not inspirational at all. But then I live rurally way from London and conservative dressing rules here.
Yes, to Wrap and Me & Em and sometimes even H&M. I still read some bloggers as many post highly accessible outfits. Also Pinterest is still useful to see how certain celebrities wear clothes etc.
Decide what are your best points and dress accordingly. If you’re happiest in jeans and a t shirt upgrade these and buy really nice well fitting jeans or change the style a little. Yes Wrap have some lovely knitwear n T-shirt’s in the sale in many autumnal colours still that are worth a try. Have you tried straight or wide cropped style jeans yet?
Buy yourself a pair of lovely trainers or boots that you can wear all the time and look fantastic in.
Better still post some pictures on here so we can tell you what we think .....if you’re feeling brave😁.

I had the most terrifying experience yesterday ...

I bore myself silly pontificating here on dressing - and on the whole I’m happy with how I look and have a rather evolved idea of what I like.

But I fell in love with a Toast dress. The colours and fabric looked glorious even though it wasn’t the sort of shape I’d usually consider. I wanted it as a sort of deliberately unfashionable, early morning thinking dress. Stalked it even though the website said it was sold out in the sale. Read every one of the forty odd reviews. Checking the site in the middle of the night I saw one in my size (presumably returned) and pounced. Spent feverish waiting days pondering how I could make it look more like my own clothes. Decided to stop being so precious. It arrived.

I looked in the mirror. I looked like the world’s dowdiest woman. It drooped. It made me look like a cube. It changed the shape of my face and took all the light out of my eyes.

I have been careful for years to avoid any slippery slopes. Only buying from shops/designers whose entire range is in line with my desire for the fiercely exceptional. Rejecting anything ‘inoffensive’ (I mean ordinary-ish) or ingratiating. This dress effectively killed me. I could not bundle it back up in its wrapping quickly enough.

So now I know I’m justified in being completely single minded - so I can continue to recognise myself in the mirror.

But OP - I’m sorry, I still think your wrong (-ish) here:

Currently I can still get away with showing my upper arms and legs but there’ll come a day when I can’t.

There is no question of ‘getting away with’. It’s your body. No one else gets to say how you dress it. Millions of women in hotter countries than this wear clothes that expose their elderly arms, or whatever as they go about their daily lives. They look like women, not freaks. I honestly think it’s terrifying that we, here are given to understand that our middle aged, or older, female bodies are not fit to be seen.

teta - I wasn’t intending to be taken so literally! What you say about buying a pair of lovely trainers or boots that you can wear all the time and look fantastic in is exactly what I meant. Something that enhances one’s life. Perhaps that didn’t come across?

And of course not everyone has to dedicate their life to Browns or any other particular site. (It’s far too bling for me.) I was just offering an example of a place where people can see styling slightly beyond ‘skinny jeans and a nice top’.

I though you meant some blingy shoes or some Cartier diamond earrings? Browns frightens me and my diamonds come from Tk Maxx 😁.
I’ve also just looked up Luna de Casanova and she sounds and looks like a spoilt little madam... albeit dressed in couture. So so far removed from most peoples way of life. But maybe that’s the point ( and I’m not getting it.....)

I have no huge suggestions for you @BizzzzyBee but can completely understand how you feel (I'm 40 and have a 1 and a 2yr old). I hadn't bought clothes for over 3 years due to maternity leave and found I'm not the same shape anymore (bigger boobs and a belly) so am struggling with what to wear. I was never particularly adventurous before so find it even harder now.

I did KonMarie my wardrobe so only have items which "spark joy" so I now wear my old "night out tops" with my jeans during the day etc. It's not much but it does make me feel like I'm making a bit of an effort.

I found just ordering loads of stuff online and trying it on at home was the best way - no dealing with toddler tantrums in the changing rooms etc. Plus returns are mostly free now a days.

I know what you mean about wanting to copy outfits, but the only people I see whose outfits I like have no boobs, skinny legs, a leg gap and are size 6-8 - and none of those match my body!!!

Browns frightens me

This made me chuckle a little. I like the honesty. But there's nothing to be scared of. The OP said that she had no idea what's trendy. Looking at websites like Browns (or following them on Instagram) will give you a good idea of what's trending or what will trend. It doesn't mean you have to dress yourself head-to-toe like an advert for Browns. It's just to give you ideas/inspiration and see what things you might like. Maybe it's too much for people who want to dress very conservatively but if you're interested in fashion/style, some of the creativity at Browns can be a real inspiration. And sometimes it's just bonkers and makes you smile.

As an aside, although they may be uber-hip, the staff in Browns are absolutely lovely. I live within walking distance of Browns East so pop in on a regular basis and get such a genuine warm welcome (even when I've turned up in my sweaty gym kit!).

I though you meant some blingy shoes or some Cartier diamond earrings?

Only if that’s what you want! I meant buy something that’s meaningful to you, that makes your heart sing, that represents exactly how you see your best self and want to be seen by others. And ‘six months of your budget’ was ... a nudge not an order. So I meant ... hmm ... consider, instead of trailing around your high street, shopping mall, supermarket and picking up a tee shirt that will ‘do’ - look through a few magazines or your Pinterest /Evernote/whatever files for an accessory you’ve longed for. Probably something that costs considerably more than you usually spend but which is accessible if you stop buying crap/save/ask for money for your birthday. Whatever. Something that makes you feel rather grand and stylish by itself. Once you have it you will want to wear it with things that do it justice. (Probably very simple, well cut things - at any price.) So you will inevitably elevate the rest of your wardrobe, gradually.

The great thing about accessories of course is that they generally go with everything and don’t depend on your weight. Several years ago I splurged on a pair of terrifyingly expensive wellingtons, so beautifully made they look like leather. I’ve worn them in the country and the City, for work and play. They make anything I’m wearing look stylish and considered - so I consider it money well spent.