How to look after 12 YO DD's hair

[AnotheChinHair]

Hi there. I feel I am not looking after my DD's hair well at all. As a result, it very rarely looks good.

As a young child she had amazing blonde ringlets. Her hair now is mousy brown, very fine but has lots of it, tends to look flat, dull and even greasy at the top.

The front of her hair has some defined waves, even a curl or two, but the top and back is straight with a hint of a wave. If I blow dry it straight it looks lovely for a short while. It very quickly goes flat and limp.

If there's a hint of humidity in the air (pretty much always) the top front of her hair starts developing a frizz. It pretty much looks a mess 90% of the time. I believe this is because I don't know how to best look after it.

I think that now she's in puberty, she's probably producing more oil, she has a very spotty forehead. Conditioner makes the top of her head look very greasy, but the hair ends and back of neck is dry, sometimes even matted.

I know some of yo will immediately answer 'curly hair method', but her hair truly isn't curly anymore, just has a bit of a wave to it only at the front.

Help!

It sounds like my DD2's hair. I think curly girl probably would help, because it encourages the curls that are being taken out of the hair. I'll try to find some photos.

Her hair probably is naturally curly but blowdrying and combing has damaged it. Suggest following curly girl method to the letter for at least 6 months - the curls will return.

Ok, not the best example, but this woman has gone from straggly hair to curls.

The thing with the curly girl method is that it tells you about all of the different curls. I've got two curly haired dds. There hair might look the same to the casual observer, but it behaved and has to be dealt with in a completely different way.

They wash it differently, they use different conditioner they use different types of hairbrushes. One has to use coconut oil every week, the other doesn't. One has to sleep in a silk sleep bonnet or her hair gets knotty, the other can get away with it.

My dd is 11 and her hair sounds quite similar.

We don't do curly girl but would never put shampoo on the ends. Shampoo on scalp then conditioner wash the rest of it. Shampoo ends up on about first couple of inches. Shampoo just wrecks hair in my experience. But with hormonal dd it's really important to shampoo scalp to stop it sticking down flat.

My DD's is waist length and slightly wavy. We find the less we do to it the better. She has a blunt fringe which means no frizzy hairline. Shampoo only on the scalp, conditioner (no silicones) from ears downwards. Never blowdry or straighten, just a really good brush through every morning. Mine is much wavier and I've tried curly girl myself but hated the way it looks with actual curls, it doesn't suit me at all, but I do stick to no-silicone conditioners too.

Don't condition the whole head.

Shampoo all of the hair but don't condition the scalp as it can make it look greasy.

Does it look tidier tied back?

DD has very fine wavy hair so we tie it back or French plat it most of the time and it looks much better.

Thank you everyone.

DD's hair looks awful when tied back on a pony tail because within the hour she has developed a frizzy halo around the front, it's truly awful, really really messy in a really unkempt way; if it was in a messy bun/beachhair type thing I wouldn't mind, but it's not like that at all.

OK so I wonder if I could do a pseudo curly hair method, maybe start with sulphate free shampoo on the top only and silicone free conditioner on the rest. Is this right?

Are there any specific products that you could recommend me? I don't mind if they're spendy, I usually find that more expensive products last longer because less is needed.

Thanks again

How does she feel about her hair?

My daughter does her own hair, but maybe take yours to a stylist see what they suggest? Also does she need it tied back for school? You might try those wide fabric bands which may reduce the frizzy halo affect.

It might behave better if chopped into a shorter style like a bob. The wavy bits will become more wavy as the weight of the hair won’t be dragging it down. A bit of taming cream in it would woo at a shorter length too.

I don’t think curly girl is necessarily the answer. It made my hair look a absolutely dreadful even though I stuck with it for months and followed it to the letter. I also think the after pic in the photos posted further upthread doesn’t look good.

Is it too long? Sometimes hair can look flatter if needs a good cut

It definitely can do with a good cut but I have to wait for the holidays. DD is very self conscious and can't bear to turn up to school with a different haircut that will draw attention. She is also not at all vain, will happily never brush her hair, ever. Won't tolerate hair accessories beyond a scrunchie on a ponytail for PE.

So having done some research, I'd say DD has 2A type hair at the back, and 2B right at the front. Who knew this would be so technical!! I am still struggling to find a product that would work for her. I am thinking I might try Noughty 1 Hit Wonder Cleansing Conditioner. Anyone know it?

If it’s long, try googling Long Hair Forum and looking on there too. Those ladies know their stuff

In my experience you just have to keep trying different things. We once had ‘The year of hair’ in which I tried to get to grips with my dc’s hair. Tried different products and different methods and kept a record of what was working and what was not.