How important is how you look to you

[sayalittlerayer]

(Sorry originally posted in chat then realised I should of come here)

Body, hair, makeup, clothes, etc etc etc.
What's important to you and what's not important and why?
Approaching 45 and trying to suss out a balance and looking at reasons as to what makes me feel good/not so good, I think I dress quite youngish for my age. I like to look nice but realise a more mature, demure approach is on the horizo

Having battled against my weight my entire life, it’s recently become pointless because the menopause stole my waist. The relief!

I’ve been a clothesaholic all my life and have quite enjoyed the challenge of dressing for my new shape. Hair, nails always done. I never leave the house without at least pencilling on my eyebrows (they never recovered from over plucking in the 70s) and slapping some lipstick on.

My mum put a lot of effort into how she looked all her life. She still reached for her lipstick in her 90s.

I typed an epic reply last night and promptly deleted it, so I shall try again...

I'm mid-50s and while my complexion is lovely, it's quite wrinkly so, with that and being allergic to hairdye, as well as being "generously proportioned", the raw materials aren't great but I'm often told I look good.

I love clothes and am happy with my style - fashion aware but not fashion victim. I know what suits and flatters my figure and generally stick to that.

I started going grey at 23 and then stopped dyeing in my mid-30s after a reaction to the colourant. I have - surprisingly and happily - been left with honey blonde hair, although it's a bit more silver at the back. I've had it long a few times but I keep it shorter now as I know it suits me much better.

I've never worn foundation but I always do a minimum of mascara and lipstick.

To answer your question, it is important to me to look the best I can with what I've got, so hair is always well cut, eyebrows threaded regularly, nails done (I do a weekly "old fashioned" manicure myself); clothes clean and outfits thought through.

I work in a very small office. There are many days when I'm on my own here (with no public facing role) and I still do the full getting ready thing. So I'm pretty sure I do it for myself, although I know my DH appreciates it as he has said he loves that I always make an effort and he's good at complimenting me.

Apart from him though, I am utterly invisible to other men but I can't decide whether or not this is a good thing

Not very.

I'm interested that a PP ties being concerned with how you look with self respect as to me it's the opposite.

I used to be very concerned with how I looked when I had lower self esteem and confidence. I wouldn't go out without make up on, spent a lot on clothes.

Now I don't really care too much. I love who I am and I love my life so what I look like seems inconsequential now 🤷🏻‍♀️

I suppose I used to think how I looked was important to my happiness but it turns out that's not what makes the difference.

I do admit I'm probably lucky to have a DH who adores me whatever (sorry, sounds beyond smug but I don't know how else to put it).

He adores me when I'm dressed up, and still adores me when I'm looking like I might be homeless

It’s very tied to self respect for me. Lack of personal care is strongly linked to poor mental health.

Well I agree but 'personal care' to me is daily shower, morning and bedtime face wash/teeth cleaned. Getting dressed and not staying in PJs. Cooking and eating reasonably nutritious food.

That's what is meant by 'personal care' means in relation to MH symptoms and diagnosis.

It doesn't cover make up, what clothes you choose to dress in, skincare routines, aesthetic fixes, etc.

• That's what is meant by 'personal care' in relation to MH symptoms and diagnosis.

Couldn’t give a shit, and never have!
When I met DH as a teenage student, I was (and remain) a feminist and he was a hippy. We both looked like something the cat dragged in - he had hair down to his shoulders and a scruffy parka, I had frizzy hair, t shirt and cords, flat shoes, no make up.
We loved each other to bits until his death at 36. He’s irreplaceable, so I had no wish to tart myself up to try and find another chap in the intervening 27 years.
I live in jeans and t shirts, went to work in them (hospital doctor, changed into tatty NHS cotton scrubs on arrival each day!) and am now retired. I spend about £50 a year, max, on clothes - replacing things that wear out. Have never worn make up- don’t like chemical crap clogging my skin. Daily soap and water is fine.
Self esteem should come from inside, not outside.

I really really like to look good. It's a lot harder mid 40s and two kids down but I fight to keep to a size 10-12, always do a least 3 mins make up job before leaving the house. I enjoy fashion but don't do super trendy so I aim for simple and stylish. Loved the how to look expensive threads o here a while back! I do my own hair and nails so don't spend a fortune on that but am obsessed with skin care so all the acids and retinol and sunscreen etc. Makes me look so much more awake and fresh. For me I can't feel confident if I feel I don't look good and that can be as simple as jeans and top but hair in an up do, good accessories, make up and perfume as the bare minimum. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the house without that base level.

See, I agree self esteem comes from the inside. Where we differ is that I like my appearance to reflect that. When my mum died I didn’t do my face for five days, it was completely out of character and literally told the world I was on my knees. Then I remembered that she used to tell me I look ill without makeup - seriously, she was right - and I owed it to her to maintain the standards she’d taught me.

We don’t all have to be the same, thank goodness.

Not very. For example I love going on 45 minute brisk walks on my lunch break so always wear trousers and comfy shoes to work (even though my office is fairly smart and my body type looks better in dresses). I don't like spending a lot on clothes, shoes, and upkeep. I do colour my hair and shave my legs and pits but don't get manicures, pedicures, etc. At the weekends I let my hair dry naturally and then just drag a brush through it. During the work week I blowdry it but don't get it cut often enough. I think I do the minimum to look reasonably professional and non ridiculous but I'm not totally sure I always achieve that, to be honest. I do try to take care of my skin by using The Ordinary products (cheap and effective) and wearing sunscreen.

I do and I make an effort, but I don't have the budget to allow for Botox, fillers, etc, which I probably now need.I dont even have the budget for good clothes, I've had my clothes for years but they eventually come back in fashion. So I prioritise keeping fit, a skin routine(no expensive products), I eat lots of fruit, don't eat junk food and rarely drink alcohol. I have regular dentist appointments, my eyebrows and eyelashes are tinted every six weeks and I have my hair done.Most people I know do similar depending upon their funds, some have their nails done, spray tans, professional makeup, it's whatever works for you.

Well my appearance is important to me, that's why I like to read the posts in S and B. I'm mostly content with how I look, but I have days where I hate my thighs and knees, and my tummy which I'm forever trying to suck in or control in some way.
My hair is ok most days now that I have given up straightening and embraced the waves. I've stopped fussing over my wonky nose and lack of symmetry. I may not do the whole contouring routine but I like to look slightly pretty. I may not dress up all the time, but I want to smarten up my appearance so trying to work out how to look neat without spending too much time on it, because I don't always have time.

Sorry but I take offence to the suggestion that women only 'tart themselves up' as you so charmingly put it in order to attract a man. There are plenty of men out there who also make an effort with how they present themselves to the world. It's great if you don't care how you look but likewise no one should need to make any apologies or feel in some way inferior for taking care and pride in their appearance. It doesn't make them a lesser person.
I have plenty of self esteem - I like myself and am happy with who I am as a human being both inside and out. I still like to take time to exercise and take of my appearance.

It never takes long on these threads for someone to come along with their superior attitude because all they do is was their face with soap, apparently that makes you a much worthier human being, the rest of us are non feminist and lacking in self esteem.

I had no wish to tart myself up to try and find another chap in the intervening 27 years.

The only reason a woman could possibly enjoy fashion and makeup is to snare a man? You don't sound like much of a feminist.

I'm not particularly bothered about the way I look, more about how I feel. I feel better if I exercise. I feel better if my clothes are clean. I feel better if I take care of my skin, as neglecting this means it gets sore and tight. I feel better with clean hair and a sweep of mascara. Once I'm done, it doesn't usually occur to me to look in a mirror again except perhaps to check my teeth after meals out.

Moderately. As long as I look tidy and clean, I'm happy. Also, for me, being comfortable is waaay more important than looking good. So you'll never find me in any kind of high heels or figure-hugging dresses or short skirts etc.

DH says I have an 'earth mother' look so unless I make a shit ton of effort and spend an equal amount of money, I'll never look well groomed and sleek. But I'm happy this way.

I don’t wear high heels, figure hugging dresses or short skirts. I still look good - or at least my friends say I do.

And well being single, maybe I would like some male attention. I'm human after all.

Me neither Alsohuman, and I'm a bit fat as well but I still look pretty good in my opinion.

I don’t get the idea that to look good one needs to wear high heels, figure hugging dresses, and short skirts. I do like a short skirt with 100 deniers and brogues, but am generally perfectly comfortable and look good without dressing in a stereotypically “sexy” way. I had three separate people stop me and compliment me on Wednesday - I was wearing a midi dress, trainers, and a denim jacket. Right now I am in trackies, a jumper, and fake Uggs, no makeup, watching Coronation Street - my DP isn’t running away in horror because of my outfit. (Although he has gone to the spare room while Corrie’s on, so...)

But has anyone said that?

Who mentioned heels?

Yes, just a few posts up, that being comfortable is more Important than looking good, and with reference to not wearing high heels, short skirts, and figure hugging dresses.