Feeling so down about how I look post baby

[Del1lahdaydream]

I’m feeling down about how I look post baby, who is now one year old.

It’s not so much my figure as I’ve actually snapped back into ok shape (not quite pre-baby shape) but I’m a size 10 so not bad.

It’s more that I look in the mirror and I just look dreadful and haggard like I’ve aged 20 years! I’m 37.

I’ve had a haircut and gone short. I think it makes my hair look a lot healthier as it was straggly when long. But I now worry it looks frumpy or ages me.

I can’t even explain what’s changed so much physically, I just feel like the youthful, relatively attractive me is gone and I’m just a scruffy frumpy mum

I struggle to find time to get ready now due to having a one year old so I’m really struggling to do make up and hair & think about clothes.
Also I’ve stopped caring. I always swore I wouldn’t “let myself go” when I had a baby but it’s happening

Please help!

Hey!

Sorry to hear how you’re feeling. I’m also 37 with a 6 month old and a 4 year old. I know exactly how you feel! I hate looking in the mirror on a morning as I look permanently exhausted!

What helped me, was trying to make time to do things for myself occasionally- like going for a facial or having a manicure. Plus, it’s a little break from the kids!

Xx

I'm in the same boat with a 9 month old. I found that getting my nails done helped (and is really helping their condition to) and having a good skincare routine before bed worked wonders. I have a decent anti aging serum and a night cream (probably about £20 together) and it has done wonders for my skin. At 6 months I saw myself in a photo and looked like I'd aged 10 years from all the sleep deprivation and now my skin looks so much better. I'm also doing the project 333 clothing challenge so I've put together outfits with only 33 items of clothing and accessories. That way I always have something I can pull out of the wardrobe and everything goes together.

I had my first baby at 35 and I experienced the same, after a year or so I got back to pre baby weight but somehow I wasn’t going back to what I looked like pre baby. Most of the clothes I stored away for after pregnancy and first year ended up donated because they didn’t suit me anymore or the fashion has changed. My skin and face looked older too and I started having more grey hair. It’s no wonder really after all our bodies have been through, pregnancy and all the sleeplessness and no time to even think about ourselves. I mourned for a bit and then just had to embrace it. I experimented with new styles and found a basic wardrobe that suited me and felt comfortable. I also started making more effort with skincare (which wasn’t difficult given that it was close to zero pre baby). Just ten minutes before bedtime doing proper cleansing and applying serum and oil, with another cleanse in the morning. I also found makeup that suited me, it’s not much, just some tinted moisturiser, blush and eyebrow powder that takes five minutes to apply.
I’m not saying you need to do the same but the point is that bodies do change and best we can do is accept it, whether it means not caring or making more effort is not important, whatever makes you happier.

I can pretty much guarantee that (unless some of us had staff) we all looked like shit with a one year old baby. It's overwhelming.

I can't point to any single thing that got me back in the zone. Actually of course I do - it was sleep. You look exhausted because you are exhausted. That aside (because it might be beyond your control at the moment) I used to steal bits of time for myself, even if it was only the odd moment. I remember occasionally having a sneaky half hour in a coffee shop in between leaving work and picking up my child from nursery, where I'd look at a magazine and watch what everyone was wearing. And believe it or not, the Boden catalogue was a lifeline. It just landed through the letterbox one day and I used to look at all the colourful clothes in the bath. It's no longer my style and I can't remember when I last ordered but I'll always have a soft spot for them

I know it sounds trite but it does pass and 20 years on I'm as vain and shallow as I ever was.

Yeah I do get some childfree time but I tend to use it to pursue my hobby, which keeps me fit & has helped me to lose baby weight.

I have a huge wardrobe of gorgeous clothes but have spent today in the T-shirt I slept in which is one of those ones you get free at fun runs . I literally didn’t have time before doing nursery run so just threw a jacket over it. Then I was working from home so didn’t see the point in getting changed

I don’t have a skincare routine beyond washing my face with whatever face wash I threw in the supermarket shop

Sounds like that's a really easy way to start some self care then. A quick night time skin routine and maybe throw the odd hair mask in the shop. I actually switched to sulphate free shampoo which has been better for my hair and requires no conditioner so is quick to use. Try not to be too self critical. You dont need to look great every day.

Can you sort an outfit the night before including accessories and shoes so you can throw on something that looks more together. Perhaps also buy some really easy make up, I used to just add some tinted lip gloss/lipstick and some cream blusher and I immediately felt better.

Op it's so normal. Mines two and I feel like I'm only just getting back to myself, with weight to lose still. I cringe at that id look like rushing around to get to baby groups. No make up, bleach stained leggings, huge over sized T-shirt.