Don't know which dress to wear!

[WhichOutfit]

Namechanged for this in case outing.

I'm going to a party with DH in a fortnight, it's DH's old uni mates and their partners/wives etc. I've met them all a few times before but because we are all scattered location-wise we haven't seen each other as a group for years.

Last time I saw them all I was out of shape, a bit frumpy etc. I have since lost weight and wear better clothes. More than a few of the wives/partners are the chic, trendy, very slim, designer labels sort. Naturally I want to look my best.

I have two dress options (at the moment):

Dress 1 is a midi dress in a trendy print, a little loose but not billowy, a safe but slightly boring option.

Dress 2 is far more fitted, fashionable and in a block colour - but it's not a perfect fit. It's a nearly perfect fit, but it's not in my comfort zone as it clings more around bottom area which I'm not keen on. Imagine that it really should be worn by a size 6 model, whereas I am a perfectly respectable 5'6" size 10 - but with a few lumps and bumps. Nonetheless, it's more fashionable/chic in tone.

I don't want to post pics as too outing, and it isn't to choose style-wise between the two. (I like the style of both). But I'm torn between a safe but boring/comfortable option which is more the style of the frumpy looser figure-covering style I used to wear, (ie looser fit) or a more fitted option which has the chic factor but isn't a 100% perfect fit on me which I'd be conscious of (good enough for the untrained eye or in general, but the wives/partners have very trained eyes!) I know I shouldn't care and just wear what I want but I'm still not sure. Any advice?!

PS I've searched and searched and there isn't (as yet) a third option although I'm still looking! For now it's between these 2.

What kind of shape wear do you have? Spanx can work wonders - even if a bit tight, just the smoothing effect names a real difference.

Do you have a seamstress you trust? And is there seam allowance? Again, having an expert let out the seams on No.2 can sometimes do the trick.

Sigh Thanks for reply. I've just ordered some shape wear today actually!

I have Spanx, but I tried it on with Dress 2 and it made things worse - although they smoothed the bottom/thighs area, it also pulled the dress further out of shape as the Spanx lift the bottom area. Without the Spanx, the bottom/thighs are smaller and lower which helps the dress, but the outline isn't great as the saddlebags aren't smoothed out.

So I've ordered a different brand of shorts-style shapewear, also a shapewear under-dress, the sort that is also a bra. I'm hoping this will help but I'm not sure it can help enough... I've also got Dress 2 in a bigger size but it's still not perfect and it's not as flattering around the bust as it's bigger there too. There's no seam allowance unfortunately. I wish Dress 2 was better quality as the style is lovely but it's not lined (it's more inexpensive but I have some very expensive shoes which I was hoping would make up for that!)

I think generally speaking, proper fitting clothes are more important than the style. You'll look uncomfortable in a dress that doesn't fit you which doesn't look good on anyone. I'd go with the midi and make a special effort with your hair/makeup/shoes/bag/jewellery.

chame I know you're right, but the draw with Dress 2 is that it's fitted which is a change from my usual style, and also the style of the dress is pretty good - it's just the cheap execution of no lining plus the way the bottom half has been designed that lets it down.

Even the model in the picture online wearing it has the same poor fit across the bottom, but she has a tiny bottom so it kind of works out as clearly it's not pulling due to her shape, it could never be the case as she's so tiny framed, but in my case, the pull looks like it is pulling because of my shape.

I think probably you're right. I'll give it a try with the new shapewear anyway, but if I'm always subconsciously trying to smooth down a dress that can never smoothed down, then it'll just draw attention to it. I did want to do the fitted chic dress thing but I can't just wish Dress 2 into being perfect! Thanks for reply.

Maybe the best option is to find Dress 3? (and save yourself a fortune buying shapewear to compensate for an ill-fitting dress).

Hundred Also a very good suggestion! I've looked for ages and nothing has caught my eye yet as Dress 3 option. It has to be: Comfy, chic, fashionable, fitted, well fitting, summery yet definitely evening out, the kind of dress that could seamlessly merge into any event and isn't obviously squarely in the box of clubbing/day bbq/wedding guest/office/picnic. Oh and a little bit sexy. Not in any obvious, cleavage baring kind of way but definitely has a hint of "je ne sais quoi".

Dress 2 would have ticked all those boxes - if it weren't so badly executed and out of such cheap fabric with no lining

I still have time to look for a Dress 3 though. If not I've got Dress 1 to fall back on and Dress 2 to pine over! Thanks for reply.

Could you try an old fashioned slip to make up for the lack of lining? It might help.

What about this?

Elegant, understated yet beautiful

www.johnlewis.com/reiss-marcia-waist-detail-dress/pink/p3847163?size=10

Most people are wearing either very short slightly fit and flair dress, or long maxi, sometimes with a couple of thigh high splits. I don't think a fitted dress will look good unless it fits you perfectly. If you really like dress 2, could you get it altered?

don't be put off by the print, but this www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B06Y63CQFT/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8 is gorgeous on, cheap and easy returns so if you want something a little different might be worth a try.

how about this? Floral

You're not selling Dress 2 at all. You are seeing the version of the dress you want it to be, perhaps because the style is the shape you want, but if you need to make all these improvements to it with shape wear, and because its cheap in the first place, then you need to accept that it isn't the dress for the job. You sound really self conscious just talking about wearing it. Imagine being preoccupied with all these issues on the night.

A better version of dress 2 a.k.a. dress 3 sounds what you need.

sorry ill try again, Oasis floral dress

If you don't feel 100% comfortable in dress 2 don't wear it. I tried doing it once, (dress fitted but was a little tighter round the bum than I wanted) to a wedding. I didn't enjoy the day at all as I felt so paranoid all day.
The one thing I leant that day, you need to wear the dress, not let the dress wear you. You need to feel comfortable in what you wear, that way, you'll look confident, stand prouder, stand taller, ultimately coming across as more chic and sophisticated.

Mosaic Slip is a great idea, I've got a body shaper slip dress (with bra attached) on order!

Sexnotgender That's a beautiful dress and definitely something I'd wear. The sand colour would wash me out but the lines and drape are beautiful, great suggestion thank you!

Hiding Amazing dress, I'd have to be feeling brave to wear it but love the retro feel.

Laska I seriously considered that Oasis dress and nearly ordered it, but didn't as being picky I wasn't completely sold on the buttons at the bust, but I thought it was still a good standby and I'll probably still order it to try. Another great suggestion, thanks!

gonna It's true, if you aren't comfortable it really shows probably more in how you act than the actual real or percieved imperfection itself. I am a bit of a perfectionist and so whereas somebody else would wear Dress 2 and think it looked OK, I know I'll be thinking people are thinking it doesn't fit properly and my bum's too big/squashy - most likely they'll not notice or care whatsoever about my bum, I mean why would they?!, but my paranoia that they would has just the same effect on the enjoyment of how I feel in it anyway!).

I've found a possible Dress 3. A "nice/posh" high street make. In the sale. In my size. It's not fitted which I did want originally, (but on the other hand rules out the bottom issue) but it does have potential to have that "je ne sais quoi" subtly sexy without being directly sexy effect I was after. It's summery and I could sharpen it up with the right accessories and heels, but I'm not sure it might be slightly too casual if everyone else is properly dressed up - I don't know how dressed up or down to go. This sits in the middle but it errs on the side of casual dressy, as in you could wear it with flat sandals in the day and not look weird. But you could definitely wear it with heels without looking weird either. I wouldn't wear it to a wedding though, it'd feel too casual for that. (trying to give an impression here without linking, as would be slightly outing if I do wear it, sorry!!!) so surely it's an summer evening do dress too? I know nobody will care but me, but I want to look my best. For me.

@Sexnotgender that reiss dress is everything. I've got an event at the end of August and two stone of baby weight to lose, I'm sorely tempted to buy it to give me a goal....

The best thing ever is get a dress you really like that is an average fit and have it altered. It makes an ordinary perfectly nice dress into an amazing dress. Subconsciously clothes that fit very well make a real statement. Can dress 2 be adjusted if you still like it or are you now sold on no.3?

zippybungleandgeorge it is absolutely beautiful. It’s my brothers wedding next year and if I had the legs for it I’d be buying it right now!

Sexnotgender it really is a beautifully cut dress.

Glam Sadly Dress 2 can't be altered, the hips area has been designed badly and there's no seam allowance, but I think that's a fantastic idea. It's just a shame as the design details are very good and it's a strong shape but the way it pulls across the hips and clings to the bottom is so unflattering. I think it's been cut on the bias, but in a cheap stretch fabric... you might be able to imagine the result! It should hang straight down, but it doesn't. (in both sizes I tried, not just one dress).

Unless it's a one off bespoke dress then how is it going to be too outing if you buy (one of 3 three) dresses and wear it?

OP I'm trying to say this in the nicest possible way but you seem to be really overthinking this. It doesn't sound like you're a perfectionist, it sounds like you're insecure. And something about this wives/partners of your DH's friends seems to intimidate you. Are they mean to you? Unfriendly? Not welcoming? Your comment "Naturally I want to look my best" is a bit odd. It's just a party with some of your DH's old friends and their other halves. It's not a competition - but that's how you're making it sound. You've lost weight, you've updated your wardrobe, people are going to think you look great. You could turn up in jeans and a T-shirt and look great.

As for Dress 3, we can't reassure you that it's not too casual if you don't post a photo. If you like it, wear it. Dress it up with some jewellery and heels. Unless these old friends of your DH are the Trumps and you're attending a state dinner at Buckingham Place, you'll be fine.

Rebecca I'd just feel more comfortable knowing I can't be linked back to a dress I wore if I never posted a pic. Also I like all of them but in different ways!

Hundreds You're probably right. I usually wear what I like etc but I can't help wanting to feel I've really nailed it too!

Anyway, I've still got a couple of weeks to go until the party so at least time is on my side to get something I'm really happy with sorted out!

I went to a really dressy event recently and all of the very posh women were wearing semi-causal dresses / skirt and top combo. They were however fabulously groomed (as was I). So I would say, go for option 3, if it is comfortable, or option 1 as it is comfortable. Then make sure you are very well groomed, wear great sandals and have a pedicure. Have your hair blowdried that day. Then forget about it - you should look your best but not overdone.

That’s what I was thinking! Hair, makeup, nails and a smile!

Dress2 sounds like a nightmare! Don’t do it! And all that shapewear, yuk, you’d be so uncomfortable!

Don't wear a dress you're uncomfortable in. I went to a wedding last week, bought just such a dress, which looked good initially but there was something 'off' about it. About two hours before we left I took it off and wore an old dress which was comfortable and I felt good in.

There are loads of dresses in the shops, one will be better than #2. I tend to order loads from ASOS or equivalent and then can try them on with different accessories etc in the comfort of my own home. It's sometimes easier to see how comfortable something is if you wear it a bit longer than you get in a fitting room situation.